A cockroach as big as life was on the ceiling when I woke up this morning and these morons scare me to death. I dashed out of the room fast and asked my braver twin sister to KILL IT with a cushion I gave her but she ran out too. Turns out it's a flying cockroach. An enormous one, too. This really isn't one of my higher-quality threads, and I know I sound pathetic but TELL ME WHAT TO DO, PLEASE. I'm not wimpy when it comes to most things, but roaches scare the living daylights out of me, and now a huge, black, flying one came in to say hello. My twin went to school for exams, and I asked my mom to kill it with a broom but she went in and couldn't find it. I'm in the living room right now with my laptop with me, THANK GOD, and I peeked for a second. Mom left the door open before going back to sleep, and it could be ANYWHERE in the house right now. I don't want to open the windows; another one could come in, but I just want it to be DEAD or OUT before I go to sleep tonight. It could be right under the couch. Maybe it already left. But I don't want to go and face it unarmed, and all I have to whack it with is cushions and slippers, which is frankly disgusting for a bugger as huge as this one. Yes, I know 'it's more scared than me than I am of it', but I hope you realize that talk isn't going to help me. I want it to be out of the picture, ASAP. Tips anyone? I really wish I was in school today.


THIS IS THE ONLY SITUATION IN WHICH I WISH I WASN'T EXEMPTED.

Just thinking about it makes me cringe and want to throw up. Don't suggest anything like 'go to the store and buy bug spray or bug traps', I am the only one in my house right now who is awake, and it needs to die TODAY. Sorry for sounding so wimpy, and I know this isn't exactly the NintendoFanKimmy attitude you are all used to, but I am literally hyperventilating. HELP, FRIENDS! What should I do?

Additionally, two friends are coming over later today. So it needs to hit the bucket ASAP.

So it seems you have many hours of hopeless searching while armed with a blunt object or ^fire-causing weapon until you can find the beast and slay it. Orrrr...find a door that is shut so it can't be found in that room...go in...and hide for the rest of your life. Those things are SCARY!

Ugh! German cockroaches are the worst.

What I would usually do is try to trap it in one room where it can't escape. I think a cockroach's life isn't very long, but I could be wrong.

They would always die within a day for me, if I trap them in a room. But I think our situation might be different, because it's really hot and humid here, so trapping a cockroach in an enclosed room and blocking off all the gaps (with a paint tape or something) would make it die from... I guess lack of oxygen or carbon monoxide poisoning.

NintendoFanKimmy : yo yo yo it was on the ceiling? You could throw a pillow and then SMASH IT WIH YOUR SHOES! It's that easy and don't forget I'm coming over today :3

greenluigi : Have fun helping me kill the cockroach, then .

Capture it and nickname it Heracross.

Oh goodness! I hate those guys! o.o

Okay, here's what you do: implying you survived the heart attack they give you. Sneak up behind it and...SMASH THAT SUCKER HARD WITH A SHOE!!! Then grind it a little, to kill it if it survived. Chances are it's found a new place to lurk...Maybe you won't even see it when they come over.

Now THAT is a disgusting creature. I would try to grab it with something and run like hell to outside and toss it out like the plague. If not, a good shoe whacking can do. But that's gross.

Since you most likely already killed it I am going to ask a question. How many times do you fire a rocket launcher at it?
 
If you have not killed it yet then I suggest getting a big bucket and a bucket with water. Use the water if it is on the walls and hold the bucket underneath so it will fall in. Then the final step is to keep it as a pet or torture it. Or the other option of letting it go in to the wild so it can go on it's quest to terrorize other people.
 

NintendoFanKimmy : a cockroach huh those things are real d***s anyway i'd hate for that thing to be around me but don't worry if you can't find it it might have flopped on its back somwere and died(awesome guy i torture them)

Everyone tells you to kill it, But would you be able to sleep knowing that you just ended a living creature's life?

I would suggest a vacuum cleaner, use any extensions = long distance exterminations! Hope this helps, otherwise you might need to just scout out the room with a slipper. Sorry if this isn't a help.

imamonster : yes...I would feel that I should be built a shrine. Along with that, daily shipments of fresh food and water to allow me to live in what used to be the slain beast's domain, so that I may mock it even with death at it's door. Let us not forget the endless stories to be told of how the mighty flying demon was slain by the warrior's great weapon, the bat, that conquers all and has no end to it's might.

NintendoFanKimmy:

Hey, did you know that cockroaches are the fastest bugs/animals in comparison to their body size? They can run literally 50 times their body length per second... Now I realize this was the wrong time to share that fact.

You know how I always get rid of cockroaches?

1. Grab some cake mix.
2. Bake a cake. Eat it if you want.
3. Grab a shotgun.
4. Blast the hell out of that cockroach. It doesn't need to live in your house, so why let it?
5. If you experience sorrow out of shooting a cockroach with a shotgun, consult your doctor. It is irregular to be sad after killing the worst bugs on Earth.

In all seriousness, just buy some Raid (cockroach killer). OR you could poison them with Borax, but I don't know how well that works with cockroaches.