Browsing the end of the retro game room, I come across a game called "Wallie goes to Rhymeland"

Being the unfortunate, curious person I am, I decide to give it a shot, What could go wrong, right?

The title screen brags that this game was completed in 3 weeks.
.....Oh dear...

The game in question was created by Interceptor Micros, and one of the first games they produced. Over time, The company became fairly successful, renamed "Pandora", but eventually folded.

Wallie.... is one of those "Let's see if this works" game.
The levels work as follows: You steer Wallie as he runs across the landscape to get to sector 16. Once there, the game switches to a poor-mans "Donkey Kong" as you climb ladders while avoiding arrows and... whatever humpty dumpty throws, trying to reach humpty. Without touching him. Cause that will kill you.

Then you go back to the "sector 16" thing, which is 100% identical to the first one, then proceed to a different donkey kong stage... repeat until done.

The floor of the race area really seems like someone's vandalizing it . "Get ready to die", "Buy Wheelin' Wallie", "Jason is a Sugerball Eater", "RPJ+RJ".... I'm guess the programmer figured out scrolling text and is really excited about it.


Graphics: 7
It's... not exactly a high quality drawing, but it's good for the time... I guess....
Okay, the main character's a pac-man oval with legs and teeth that changes color every other stage, and humpty dumpty literally an oval with legs, but the other stuff's somewhat..decent.....

....Ignoring... the occasionally flashing background which doesn't move with th- FINE 5,
Sound: 6
The title screen's "entertainer" song is the only reason it gets this score. The sound effects are generic, but they usually match up with the situation.

Addictiveness: 4
I'm one of those people who gets really mad when things get the best of me. Namely, ridiculously hard games. As such, I played it until I could get past the first two levels. After that, I was done, and will proooobably never touch this thing again.

There's a high score table if you want to beat your score. That's about it, really.

Depth: 5
Not much. The "Donkey kong with race segments" approach was a nice idea, but it only works if the racing segments CHANGE from time to time. Otherwise, you're just wasting space.

Difficulty:11
I play hard games. Megaman Zero, Battletoads, Plok, Gunstars, You name it.
This is hard in a bad way.
Wallie's allergic to being touched, weather it's a little boy jumping around like a bunny, or the largest raindrops I have ever seen, One touch and Wallie;s top separates from his legs, flying off into the sunset...er...top of the screen.

The problem is the enemies absolutely REFUSE to give fair warning.
Wallie's allowed one bullet on screen during the racing bits, and can only jump during "Donkey Kong". This is problematic, as the ONLY way to survive is to shoot the people in front/behind you, as Wal can't jump over them. This is MORE problematic, as the kids usually approach from both sides while you're getting ready to jump over a pit. The kid in front jumps around so much that you'll occasionally miss, pretty much guaranteeing death.

The Donkey Kong segments are even worse, as timing the jumps is a very, very difficult task. The last jump of the first DK stage gets a 9/10 on the "frustration meter, as it's easy to mess up, and you'll have to start over when you do.
The second segment kills you if you take a step as soon as the level starts, do to a cow that's jumping over a moon jumping right underneath you.

Overall:

Well, I have to say they did a...job... for 3 weeks of work. I'd highly recommended never playing this game again.
In fact, I'm going to rate it so it falls into a region no one would thing to look. the 6-5 area.
Say "Bye" Wallie!

5.6

PhilipDraco : I'm never gonna play this game. Good job on the review btw

Sounds like an awful game but good work with the review
A game that is finished in 3 weeks can't be a good game. Almost every game has more time and work put into them. 
Why do you like to review awful games by the way? 

juuldude :

It's.... not so much "like", as "feel the need"

Good or bad, these games represent time and effort spent by the makers. It's hard, I know this, (Getting the guy to stay one color with limited pallets is pretty difficult on it's own.) I guess I just want to give them a fair shot.
None of them will be the best, but I might get a kick out of it. If nothing more then writing how they break/infuriated me in a semi-entertaing manner.

Plus, you never know. Maybe something at the back of the RGR is a hidden gem.

....Okay,Probably not, but It never hurts to look.

That's true, there is always effort and time put into a game, even this one
If people nowadays will write a review about your game and they will know about it, you did a good job with your game

Hehe, I would love to see some kind of hidden gem back there. Who knows?
Well said my friend!