So it's that time of year again, it's that day that we celebrate with our fathers, and say and do various things. It's a holiday to some, and it's a day of celebration to all the dads out there. To some it means a lot.

To me, it has always meant nothing.

My father is Peter Kostik. He and mom fought, I was hit once or twice as an infant/toddler by him. We moved, and I grew to hate my "father" because of everything I was told. For the next few years, Father's Day was a slap in the face, it was hard telling friends I had no father to celebrate with. Without a dad, Father's Day was empty, meaningless.

Then as I got older, I got a step father. He wasn't my father, but he was in the role. I foolishly thought things would be better from that point on.

It has been 10 years since I met the man, and for 10 years, I celebrated Father's Day, in celebration of him being my "father", but I knew the truth. He wasn't my dad, and nothing, names, blood, anything, would change that. I was jaded to the concept of Father's Day. To me, it is a reminder of what I could have had in life, a reminder of the father my mother hated. A reminder of many things.

Months ago, I came to the realization my dad was not the a**h*** my mother called him, my grandmother told me many things, and showed me a letter he wrote for me, that my mother never let me see. I was touched. My dad, who loved me, wasn't allowed to see his son, the son he loved. Yes, he hit me once or twice, but I don't hate him for it. We all have our weaknesses. And he had his. His cost him his child.

My father has cancer, and is in chemotherapy. I haven't seen him since I was 8. It has been 10 years since I saw my father. 10 years ago, I hated him, I resented everything he stood for, because my mother lied to me. Now, in the present, I realize I indirectly made things worse.

I love my father. I respect my step father. As many of you know, I live with my grandmother, as I have been doing for the past 6 months. These 6 months have been a time of reflection, I have learned a lot. My eyes are no longer blind, I found the truth I was searching for. At least, I think I have.

My step father was not my father, and he never will be, but I thank him for giving me someone to celebrate the past 10 years with.

This year, Father's Day is just as empty as ever. A reminder of the things I could have had, as opposed to what I am stuck with.

I love my dad, but I cannot see him. I know he can't read this, but this makes me feel more at ease.

Happy Father's Day to all.

Oh it's sad
At least you found out the truth, that your dad loves you and he was sending letters to you. If I were you, I would try to see him again. I'm sure he'll be happy to see his son, even after 10 years, and that will give him some more strength to fight against cancer.

noelia :

Yeah, I'm hoping to see him some time in the next year. I would be curious since mom said I looked just like him.

Sounds like a good decision to me I'm sure he'll be very happy to see that his son is caring about him.
I wish to both of you good luck, especially to him and I hope he's going to be better soon, after the chemotherapy.

I hope what you have learned now turns out to actually be the truth and that you get to see him.

This was the first Father's Day spent without seeing my dad, as he is still in California. I gave him a call to say hello and talk, and that was pretty much it.

That's awful to hear, leggy. I guess you don't really learn to appreciate the father you have until you don't have one anymore. I believe you are lucky to have a stepdad as a father figure for all these years, and that you have the opportunity to see him after a long time.

FFFighterDill :
pi0x :
Someone70 :

It's not all bad really, I make it sound bad, but it's something you'd have to feel yourself. I actually am pretty happy right now.

Elara :

Yeah, I'm of that mindset too. The worst thing that could happen is for my doubts to be confirmed.

I have often found that the truth of a tale lies somewhere between the two versions. I don't know what comfort that gives, but it might help make things easier to deal with should some of those doubts be confirmed.

Elara :

At this point, it doesn't matter what the truth even is. All I want is to know it. I'm 18 years old, and no one wants to tell the whole story, so I want to find it out for myself.

It's a great comfort, because I know there will be things I love and hate about the truth. Otherwise it wouldn't have been hidden I feel.

That is probably true, and a very mature way of looking at it. There is a very accurate saying from James Garfield that states, "the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

Sounds like you have a tough road ahead to find the truth. I wish you luck.

Elara :

Thanks.

I really can't wait to figure this all out. Of course, after this life can resume as per usual, but it's nice to feel like there's something I have to and want to do for now.

Man, that really is sad, but eventually you can find your father and hopefully smoothen your realationship with him :/

It's things like this that make me dwell (probably too much) on what I could have not had. God knows I am striving to be thankful for what I do have.

I don't know what else to say dude, except I'm praying for you. I hope this makes you a strong, better person how ever it may turn out.

That is sad my friend. I have a dad that I like but to not have one at all would be bad for me. I hope that you can see him again just to see what he is like. Sounds like you are finding out a lot from a "bad" situation.

that is really sad i'm so sorry to hear that
I'm glad you've learned the truth and I hope
your get to reunite with your father someday.
and i wish the best of luck to your father
and his battle with cancer.
I know what it's like not knowing your real father.

Wow you're fathers days must suck. But the most important thing is that your dad loves you. Good luck to your dad I hope he gets over the cancer and I hope you re-unite with him someday

omg thats so sad its the stuff you read in books that you think will never really happen to anyone your in contact with. im soo happy that your seeing him next year though and i really hope it goes well, i wish you the best of luck and i hope you and your dad form a good relationship from here on out.