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Life as an oddball and unpopular guy
Not just a rant this time. Also why I'm on Vizzed all the time and why I'm happy here most of the time.
Not just a rant this time. Also why I'm on Vizzed all the time and why I'm happy here most of the time.
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Life as an oddball and unpopular guy
10-18-14 12:48 PM
Pacman+Mariofan is Offline
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This is something I've been thinking about for a while. I thought about posting it yesterday, but it would've felt wrong because I was competing in the TdV and I didn't want anyone thinking I was making all this up for yellow jersey points. I never make things up to make people feel sorry for me because that just makes things worse. I've been a pretty odd person most of my life. I only wasn't when I was a baby or a toddler These days, it's all about fitting in wherever you are. (Except church, shelters, and usually your family) That makes my life very stressful, and it makes me furious. If I fit in more, I probably wouldn't have only 5 friends and a few acquaintances. Joe is my only friend that I can easily fit in with. Most of my other friends are outgoing and fit in with everyone else. Usually, everyone wants to hang out with them, and they want to hang out with those other people, so I don't get to spend near as much time with them. Two of my friends for sure think the world of me, but I don't know about the others. Sometimes I think some people just talk to me and/or hang out with me because they don't have any others to hang out with. For the past few months, I've been having trust issues. At least one of my friends, Audrey, does too, and she told me why. Now the same thing is happening to me. However, she's popular, and everyone wants to hang out with her. Me? I'm very lucky to have even one person to even say anything to me in any of my classes. (This year, none of my close friends are in any of my classes for all 3 trimesters!!!) My friend Joe might have trust issues too. If more people would reach out to people that feel lonely, I wouldn't feel this way a lot of the time. I understand some people are too shy to do so, but come on. Lately I've been dying to find out who my true friends are. I already know about some of them (the ones that I've had for a long time, except Tre who I'm still unsure about), but the others I'm not confident enough to say that they are. If it wasn't for all this happening, I'd have more people to hang out with and I'd have more to do other than being on Vizzed all the time. I've been cheery on Vizzed lately despite all this going on because here, I fit in more, it's a very caring site, and I have a lot of friends here. Recently, I felt that I couldn't hide my feelings anymore, and I had a talk with my friend Audrey and a talk with my friend Joe about all this. I also told Audrey that a main reason we don't hang out much is that everyone else wants to hang out with her, and she's always hanging out with other people when they're present. She apologized and lately she's been even nicer to me than before. After I talked to Joe about what was going on, he could relate to me perfectly. That made me feel much better, and if I didn't have them as friends, I wouldn't have any real life friends I could talk to a lot and I wouldn't be the same kind of person I am now. They've been the friends of mine I look up to the most often, and most of the influence I got to change for the better came from them. Please give me advice if you have some to share, or ask questions if you have any. I'm not sure exactly what I should do to make the problems I mentioned in this thread get better. I've been a pretty odd person most of my life. I only wasn't when I was a baby or a toddler These days, it's all about fitting in wherever you are. (Except church, shelters, and usually your family) That makes my life very stressful, and it makes me furious. If I fit in more, I probably wouldn't have only 5 friends and a few acquaintances. Joe is my only friend that I can easily fit in with. Most of my other friends are outgoing and fit in with everyone else. Usually, everyone wants to hang out with them, and they want to hang out with those other people, so I don't get to spend near as much time with them. Two of my friends for sure think the world of me, but I don't know about the others. Sometimes I think some people just talk to me and/or hang out with me because they don't have any others to hang out with. For the past few months, I've been having trust issues. At least one of my friends, Audrey, does too, and she told me why. Now the same thing is happening to me. However, she's popular, and everyone wants to hang out with her. Me? I'm very lucky to have even one person to even say anything to me in any of my classes. (This year, none of my close friends are in any of my classes for all 3 trimesters!!!) My friend Joe might have trust issues too. If more people would reach out to people that feel lonely, I wouldn't feel this way a lot of the time. I understand some people are too shy to do so, but come on. Lately I've been dying to find out who my true friends are. I already know about some of them (the ones that I've had for a long time, except Tre who I'm still unsure about), but the others I'm not confident enough to say that they are. If it wasn't for all this happening, I'd have more people to hang out with and I'd have more to do other than being on Vizzed all the time. I've been cheery on Vizzed lately despite all this going on because here, I fit in more, it's a very caring site, and I have a lot of friends here. Recently, I felt that I couldn't hide my feelings anymore, and I had a talk with my friend Audrey and a talk with my friend Joe about all this. I also told Audrey that a main reason we don't hang out much is that everyone else wants to hang out with her, and she's always hanging out with other people when they're present. She apologized and lately she's been even nicer to me than before. After I talked to Joe about what was going on, he could relate to me perfectly. That made me feel much better, and if I didn't have them as friends, I wouldn't have any real life friends I could talk to a lot and I wouldn't be the same kind of person I am now. They've been the friends of mine I look up to the most often, and most of the influence I got to change for the better came from them. Please give me advice if you have some to share, or ask questions if you have any. I'm not sure exactly what I should do to make the problems I mentioned in this thread get better. |
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10-18-14 01:21 PM
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In all honesty, I feel with you. It's a similar story with me, but this is about you. Pac, it isn't your fault that other people don't reach out to shy ones. It happens in my school all the time, too, but I'm starting to get more and more attention as my classmates are maturing and realizing that "fitting in" isn't everything. According to what you've said, your classmates don't seem to care all that much, or maybe they're just shy as well. I have my family, which is more important to me than anything, three best friends, and plenty of acquaintances and/or classmates who I'm on good enough terms with. Why? It's because I decided to make myself heard sometimes. I know that sounds difficult, Pac, but remember that this is all coming from a shy person, too. Trust me, I'm really shy. Really shy. I'm very awkward at social events, and I prefer to keep to myself sometimes to avoid conversations, but the only way to prove to others that you aren't a nobody is just talking sometimes. It doesn't take that much; I make a few reasonable jokes in class every now and then so everyone knows I'm not a completely deranged antisocial shut-in, but just an average person, like all of them are. Then again, you don't necessarily have to prove yourself. "Fitting in" seems important to you. It can be to me sometimes, but I've learned that other things matter more over the years. I'm sure you know so, too, but don't push yourself. Say the occasional "hello" to people; it really makes all the difference. It's normal to be afraid of messing up - like I told you before, missing handshakes with people is literally one of the first things on my daily "worry list". Everyone is unique, and if some people don't realize that, it's their problem, not yours. About your trust issues... I used to have trust issues all the time. That was until I talked with the people whom I had my doubts about, and we settled it all out ourselves. If you have trust issues, Pac, it means that someone in your social circle is either not truly a good friend, or just not showing it enough. The only way to fix this is by talking to them. Find out whether your friendship is genuine. If they take it personally and leave you because of it, then they never were your friends in the first place. Also, think about the people who are there for you. This proves that not everyone is untrustworthy. Stand your ground and make sure you know the people you become friends with before considering them close, but also remember that there are people who care for you already, and there can be more of them in the future. Just be careful with who you talk to, and your bond will deepen naturally. I hope this helped at least a little bit. I'm an oddball, too. Just remember that we're always here for you if ever need anything, and don't forget that every person is special, regardless of what others think. If they have a problem with you, then, as it's literally mentioned, it is their problem. I don't really fit in all that much, nor do I want to. Remember, Pac. It's quality and not quantity when it comes to friends. I would rather have two or three close friends by side than a thousand frauds who, in reality, do nothing but make me feel even more alone. Keep that in mind. For the record, I think you're a very kind person, and no one should ever ridicule you or anything. Think highly of yourself; self-respect is just as important, if not more important, than respecting others. Just keep an optimistic outlook, but stay sharp at the same time, and most importantly, be yourself. The last thing I would ever do in life is change who I am to "fit in". I like who I am, and I'm not going throw my uniqueness away to become like everyone else. Who you are is important, Pac. Never forget that. Just be you, and everything will go smoothly. Best of luck, Pac! NintendoFanKimmy, out.~ It's a similar story with me, but this is about you. Pac, it isn't your fault that other people don't reach out to shy ones. It happens in my school all the time, too, but I'm starting to get more and more attention as my classmates are maturing and realizing that "fitting in" isn't everything. According to what you've said, your classmates don't seem to care all that much, or maybe they're just shy as well. I have my family, which is more important to me than anything, three best friends, and plenty of acquaintances and/or classmates who I'm on good enough terms with. Why? It's because I decided to make myself heard sometimes. I know that sounds difficult, Pac, but remember that this is all coming from a shy person, too. Trust me, I'm really shy. Really shy. I'm very awkward at social events, and I prefer to keep to myself sometimes to avoid conversations, but the only way to prove to others that you aren't a nobody is just talking sometimes. It doesn't take that much; I make a few reasonable jokes in class every now and then so everyone knows I'm not a completely deranged antisocial shut-in, but just an average person, like all of them are. Then again, you don't necessarily have to prove yourself. "Fitting in" seems important to you. It can be to me sometimes, but I've learned that other things matter more over the years. I'm sure you know so, too, but don't push yourself. Say the occasional "hello" to people; it really makes all the difference. It's normal to be afraid of messing up - like I told you before, missing handshakes with people is literally one of the first things on my daily "worry list". Everyone is unique, and if some people don't realize that, it's their problem, not yours. About your trust issues... I used to have trust issues all the time. That was until I talked with the people whom I had my doubts about, and we settled it all out ourselves. If you have trust issues, Pac, it means that someone in your social circle is either not truly a good friend, or just not showing it enough. The only way to fix this is by talking to them. Find out whether your friendship is genuine. If they take it personally and leave you because of it, then they never were your friends in the first place. Also, think about the people who are there for you. This proves that not everyone is untrustworthy. Stand your ground and make sure you know the people you become friends with before considering them close, but also remember that there are people who care for you already, and there can be more of them in the future. Just be careful with who you talk to, and your bond will deepen naturally. I hope this helped at least a little bit. I'm an oddball, too. Just remember that we're always here for you if ever need anything, and don't forget that every person is special, regardless of what others think. If they have a problem with you, then, as it's literally mentioned, it is their problem. I don't really fit in all that much, nor do I want to. Remember, Pac. It's quality and not quantity when it comes to friends. I would rather have two or three close friends by side than a thousand frauds who, in reality, do nothing but make me feel even more alone. Keep that in mind. For the record, I think you're a very kind person, and no one should ever ridicule you or anything. Think highly of yourself; self-respect is just as important, if not more important, than respecting others. Just keep an optimistic outlook, but stay sharp at the same time, and most importantly, be yourself. The last thing I would ever do in life is change who I am to "fit in". I like who I am, and I'm not going throw my uniqueness away to become like everyone else. Who you are is important, Pac. Never forget that. Just be you, and everything will go smoothly. Best of luck, Pac! NintendoFanKimmy, out.~ |
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10-18-14 01:55 PM
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NintendoFanKimmy : Most of the classmates of mine aren't shy, and a lot of them literally talk to everyone else in the class but me. I raise my hand in class, I make jokes whenever I can (if they're good ), and when people talk to me, I always respond unless I have nothing to say. Also, when there is somebody that I know in one of my classes, I talk a lot and I'm usually pretty happy when that happens. I've been proving I'm not a nobody, just not enough. It's going to be tough to talk to those people that might not be my true friends, but I'll try. One of the main problems is, I can never have a serious conversation with them. And even though I'm quite silly, I really want that to be able to happen frequently. Another reason I have trust issues is that one time I got a friend who ditched me a year later, and similar things like that have happened several other times. One of my acquaintances did that, and now he's being friendly again, so I'm having trouble trusting him. Honestly, if a couple of my friends just took more time for me instead of focusing on specific friends of theirs all the time, I wouldn't care about being more popular and/or having more friends. Some of them can't put more time in their life for me, and that's OK. But my other friends, as well as my acquaintances, can put more time in their life for me but they choose not to. However, I put so much time in my life for every one of them when I could. Next week (which I consider to start on Sunday, unlike many others that consider it to start on Monday), I'm going to talk to everyone (or almost everyone) that I'm having the problems I mentioned with to make sure that them not hanging out much with me, unless we're really close to each other in the area we're in, isn't intentional. Also, I'll ask Audrey and the others (if I can) to try talking to me and hanging out with me more so it can feel more like a true friendship. Another reason I have trust issues is that one time I got a friend who ditched me a year later, and similar things like that have happened several other times. One of my acquaintances did that, and now he's being friendly again, so I'm having trouble trusting him. Honestly, if a couple of my friends just took more time for me instead of focusing on specific friends of theirs all the time, I wouldn't care about being more popular and/or having more friends. Some of them can't put more time in their life for me, and that's OK. But my other friends, as well as my acquaintances, can put more time in their life for me but they choose not to. However, I put so much time in my life for every one of them when I could. Next week (which I consider to start on Sunday, unlike many others that consider it to start on Monday), I'm going to talk to everyone (or almost everyone) that I'm having the problems I mentioned with to make sure that them not hanging out much with me, unless we're really close to each other in the area we're in, isn't intentional. Also, I'll ask Audrey and the others (if I can) to try talking to me and hanging out with me more so it can feel more like a true friendship. |
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10-18-14 02:32 PM
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I was in your spot for years. I wasn't the most popular guy ever, and most people just ignored me. However, i deduced that i was only treated like that because i never TRIED to hang out. So i figured that's what i had to do. Only problem, me and vizzed were inseparable. I couldn't make any time to hang out. Until my "ban" back in April, that is. Then i had all the time in the world. It was bumpy at first - people had a tough time excepting me. Eventually, though, they grew to like me and my odd personality. By June, i was one of the "cool" kids. I still am today. In short, make your deviancy known, but don't flaunt it. People will respect you and like you. Make as much time as you need. However, i deduced that i was only treated like that because i never TRIED to hang out. So i figured that's what i had to do. Only problem, me and vizzed were inseparable. I couldn't make any time to hang out. Until my "ban" back in April, that is. Then i had all the time in the world. It was bumpy at first - people had a tough time excepting me. Eventually, though, they grew to like me and my odd personality. By June, i was one of the "cool" kids. I still am today. In short, make your deviancy known, but don't flaunt it. People will respect you and like you. Make as much time as you need. |
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Wait, so IS mayonnaise an instrument? |
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10-18-14 06:35 PM
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NintendoFanKimmy : Boxia : I'm going to try harder and in ways I haven't tried before. For example, if I have no one to talk to, I'll say, "Can someone please talk to me since I have no one to talk to?" Boxia : I'm going to try harder and in ways I haven't tried before. For example, if I have no one to talk to, I'll say, "Can someone please talk to me since I have no one to talk to?" |
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10-18-14 09:21 PM
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Pac, I feel compelled to give you some advice because 20 years ago I felt the same way but had no one to ask for advice. Most things in life are about sales in one way or another. This particular problem is comparable to door-to-door sales. Imagine that you are a door-to-door salesman that wants to sell widgets so he can make some money. (A widget is a generic make believe product.) So, you get into your car and drive to the neighborhood where your potential customers are and park in front of the first row of houses. If you just sit in the car waiting for customers to notice and come over to ask you why you're parked there, it's likely that you'll sit there all day and all night without one person ever coming to the car. If you roll down your window and yell out the window at the houses, "Can someone please talk to me, since I have no one to talk to.", maybe some customers will look out the window or front door of their house. The only problem is that there is a good chance that you will make them nervous and they'll decide that they don't have a good feeling about what's going on inside your car.You have to get out of the car and go talk to the customers if you want to ever make a sale. Okay, so we've determined that you are going to have to approach the people if you want to achieve your goal. This will make a guy that's new to sales extremely nervous but just like anything in life, the more that you practice at something the better you get at it. When you approach each house where a customer lives, there might be viscous dogs blocking the door or windows boarded up on the house. If you don't feel comfortable knocking on these doors, you probably shouldn't because the people inside could be dangerous, rude or cruel. Only knock on doors that you think might be safe to knock on. (people that don't have a track record as bullies, etc.) After you've knocked on the door or walked up to a person, you have to talk a good game and have a product that they might be interested in. This is "the pitch" and it's NEVER perfect on the first customer. Attitude is an important part. Be happy, smiling and confident. If you're sad, frowning and unsure then they will be a lot less likely to talk with you for very long. Start off with the basics. Hi or wassup, ask them they're name or tell them yours if that needs to be done. Talk about things you might have in common. Have you played that new game? Did you get the homework done for History class? Sometimes you won't make a connection and it'll make you feel bad but that doesn't mean that you give up. There's a 1,001 houses on this block and it may take a while but eventually you'll hit the jackpot. Sales/life is frustrating at times but if you really want to make a sale you have to keep trying and trying until you find somebody that's buying Above all remember, if you think you can't do this, then you can't but you're wrong. You can do this stuff, you just have to believe that you can. Hope this helps! Most things in life are about sales in one way or another. This particular problem is comparable to door-to-door sales. Imagine that you are a door-to-door salesman that wants to sell widgets so he can make some money. (A widget is a generic make believe product.) So, you get into your car and drive to the neighborhood where your potential customers are and park in front of the first row of houses. If you just sit in the car waiting for customers to notice and come over to ask you why you're parked there, it's likely that you'll sit there all day and all night without one person ever coming to the car. If you roll down your window and yell out the window at the houses, "Can someone please talk to me, since I have no one to talk to.", maybe some customers will look out the window or front door of their house. The only problem is that there is a good chance that you will make them nervous and they'll decide that they don't have a good feeling about what's going on inside your car.You have to get out of the car and go talk to the customers if you want to ever make a sale. Okay, so we've determined that you are going to have to approach the people if you want to achieve your goal. This will make a guy that's new to sales extremely nervous but just like anything in life, the more that you practice at something the better you get at it. When you approach each house where a customer lives, there might be viscous dogs blocking the door or windows boarded up on the house. If you don't feel comfortable knocking on these doors, you probably shouldn't because the people inside could be dangerous, rude or cruel. Only knock on doors that you think might be safe to knock on. (people that don't have a track record as bullies, etc.) After you've knocked on the door or walked up to a person, you have to talk a good game and have a product that they might be interested in. This is "the pitch" and it's NEVER perfect on the first customer. Attitude is an important part. Be happy, smiling and confident. If you're sad, frowning and unsure then they will be a lot less likely to talk with you for very long. Start off with the basics. Hi or wassup, ask them they're name or tell them yours if that needs to be done. Talk about things you might have in common. Have you played that new game? Did you get the homework done for History class? Sometimes you won't make a connection and it'll make you feel bad but that doesn't mean that you give up. There's a 1,001 houses on this block and it may take a while but eventually you'll hit the jackpot. Sales/life is frustrating at times but if you really want to make a sale you have to keep trying and trying until you find somebody that's buying Above all remember, if you think you can't do this, then you can't but you're wrong. You can do this stuff, you just have to believe that you can. Hope this helps! |
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10-18-14 10:06 PM
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PacmanandMariofan : Yo, Pac, at least you have some real friends outside your family. I understand that it can be hard when you do not fit in. I myself am sort of an oddball. This is mostly because all the people that I have met that are around my age group are just so different from me. It's hard when you feel like everyone thinks that you are wierd because you don't watch this or that, you don't smoke, you're not foul, you're not mean or sarcastic. I have this at work all the time now. I work at a small retail store. A lot of times, all the others pretty much just congregate and talk together--away from me. Why? Because they know that I'm not like that. I do have a somewhat Christian buddy that I get along with pretty well there, but other than that, my only real friend is my mom. |
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I am the FaithFighter. I stand. I fight. I live. By the Grace of GOD, I live. |
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10-19-14 08:43 AM
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PacmanandMariofan
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FaithFighter : And God thephantombrain : Yeah, I haven't been approaching people as much as I should have. So far a lot of the people I've known this year are immature and/or non-approachable people. For now, I'm just going to focus on trying harder to find out who my real friends are and trying harder to get to do things with all of my friends. When that all gets sorted out, everything else should be easier. thephantombrain : Yeah, I haven't been approaching people as much as I should have. So far a lot of the people I've known this year are immature and/or non-approachable people. For now, I'm just going to focus on trying harder to find out who my real friends are and trying harder to get to do things with all of my friends. When that all gets sorted out, everything else should be easier. |
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Philippians 4:6-7 |
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10-19-14 09:16 AM
FaithFighter is Offline
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PacmanandMariofan : Very true indeed, but I was just talking about people. |
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I am the FaithFighter. I stand. I fight. I live. By the Grace of GOD, I live. |
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10-26-14 04:04 PM
Pacman+Mariofan is Offline
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Last week, I came out of my shell a bit and life in school is getting a lot better. I've been trying harder to show who I am, and it's making people talk to me more. Now I just have to start talking to others first and gaining interests and conversation topics to make everything I mentioned be improved. |
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Philippians 4:6-7 |
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(edited by PacmanandMariofan on 10-26-14 04:06 PM)
10-26-14 07:54 PM
TheNameWithNoNumbers is Offline
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PacmanandMariofan : Good to hear it. I mean, a lot about social interaction is simply what you think about yourself and how you carry yourself; one of my "friends" is an avid listener to electronica- another loves to talk about anime and dye her hair different colors- etc, etc. However, they don't let these things typify themselves as "unpopular" or an "oddball". They're still a part of the group, just members of the group with varied tastes. Honestly, it's not that big a deal. Your interests, while they do help in making a friend, aren't that important. Just relax, make some jokes, carry yourself well and you'll go far. |
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QUALITY POSTER®, QUALITY MAKER®, QUALITY CONTENT®, UNTRADEMARKED QUALITY |
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Post Rating: 1 Liked By: Pacman+Mariofan,
11-04-14 06:51 PM
Pacman+Mariofan is Offline
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More people are talking to me now, and I'm more socially confident. In a week, my 2nd trimester of 9th grade will start, resulting in me having new people to talk to. Local Mods : I'm ready to have this thread closed since I know what to do and I'm doing most of it. Local Mods : I'm ready to have this thread closed since I know what to do and I'm doing most of it. |
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Philippians 4:6-7 |
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11-04-14 06:53 PM
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That's great to hear man!
I'm closing this thread by request of the OP. I'm closing this thread by request of the OP. |
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