So as I stated in this thread description, I've NEVER been good at gifting. I don't know what it is, but I just don't know how to buy gifts for people.  What would they like?  What should I do?  Is this meaningful?  For some reason, I just don't know how to make/create/do something meaningful.  This isn't due to a lack of passion for someone, or a lack of understanding them... I DO have a heart and I WOULD like to give gifts from the heart. I'm just not sure how to do it!

Anyways, because of this and other things, my husband and I agreed, when we first got married... that we would never make a big deal of holidays and gift giving.  We don't often celebrate birthdays other than to wish each other a good day.  My husband usually ends up buying something for me, but he does that almost every day of the week, and is usually more content with buying things for himself, than me buying things for him. I buy things for him from time to time, but I've only went 'all out' a couple of times.

Well, his birthday is on the 19th and I think he's feeling a little insecure or something.  he keeps hinting almost every day that he really, really, really wants me to do something for him this year, and something big.  But I feel very stressed about it because I don't know what to do!  The only thing that he really consistently likes is video games. However, I'm not so sure I want to enable the addiction, and I really wouldn't think of anything video-game related as being a special gift. After all... just about anyone would think to buy him a video game.

Other than that, he tends to go through phases, which he only recently recognized and calls "tunnel vision".  When we first got married, for example, his obsession was Stargate Atlantis. He would sit through the entire series and binge watch it, and ANYTHING related to it would catch his attention, and he'd have to buy everything he say with the show on it... even if that item was a paper cup.  However, after a few months.... the show might as well not even had existed to him, and he'd find a new obsession.  This process has repeated itself for the whole 6 years we've been married.  Right now, he's in the phase of picking a new focus.  For the last half year, his obsession was Duck Dynasty.  He has every book, every show, calendars, cup holders, blankets... if it has even the words "Duck Dynasty" on it... you can bet he has it.

However, since he's fading out of that fad and hasn't picked a new one, I don't have much to go off of.  Thus, I'd really, REALLY like to do something incredibly unique.  If he was more in shape (just to give you examples), I'd love to take him spelunking, or canoeing, or.... you know, just REALLY unique things.  However, he's NOT in shape at all and isn't even that big a fan of the outdoors.

We're also not rich, but I'm willing to spend a good amount of money for the right idea. 

I haven't really been out in the world to know what's available, but I know a lot of people on vizzed have done and seen amazing things.  That's why I'm reaching out to you guys in the hope that you can help me out.  We live in Alabama, but we could travel out into the neighboring states, of course. 

Please help! I really need something planned and ready in 12 days!

And as always, I love you guys!  ^.^

Have you thought about taking him to a concert out of town, getting a hotel, and going to a bar? 

Or, a wine place tour?

Maybe go to a nice museum or something?

Well I know you don't want to enable his video game addiction, but I think a good like, alternative is to buy him a figure or plush of maybe one of his favorite characters in one of the games he likes. It's not an entirely new game, so he can't technically play it, but it's.. something. xD That's just what I think you could do if you want to give him something video game related.

Maybe you could throw him a party or something, or go out to eat. that would be a nice thing to do too.

Singelli : I know you crochet, what if you did a crochet of a video game character he likes? That way you wouldn't be enabling him, but you would be showing him that you are thoughtful.

Also, do you have a 3DS or anything like that? If you do, you could maybe get a second one (or a 2DS) and Mario Kart 7. Mario Kart is a great series to unwind to, and isn't too addictive. Plus that might help you guys bond a bit.

Or maybe....you can buy him something that can last for years? Like maybe a game like ginger said or some clothes wear?

Heheheh! Why don't you watch a scary movie with him, eyes peeled, and allow him to video record your reaction? That way, he could watch it over and over again.

It would be a very unique birthday gift.

Singelli :
Judging by what he's into lately, I wouldn't recommend giving him video game related gifts. You can try gifting him something that would drive his attention away from his obsession (atleast for a while) and give him something else to think about
Do you have any special interests?
The most reasonable option (IMO atleast, don't judge me please ) is to give him something related to your interests to break that "tunnel vision" of his to let him know more about you...
Obviously, you shouldn't limit yourself to just that. You could go on a trip someplace, but this is where I'm out of ideas

Obviously we don't know him so we can't pick out something for you.  Gifts can be challenging, especially when he puts an expectation on you and says he wants something creative, unique, big, whatever.

How many real life friends does he have?  An event where people go and do something will be better than wrapping up a physical item.  Get on facebook, get on the phone and email and start getting people together to go to the bar, go to a sporting event, go to a park for the afternoon and drink or whatever.

Make it an activity, not a physical gift.  Those are always the best birthdays.

Well, I liked the idea of going to see a concert or something.

Maybe get a couples massage? Or spend the night at an interesting hotel that has entertainment, or is on a beach? Maybe go to a Medieval Meal (where you eat in a large medieval setting medieval inspired food, while a medieval play is happening around you). A dinner theater? Zip Lining? See this list for more ideas, and this one.

If you wanted to play it more safe and get something video game related, how about a nice piece of art related to a game he likes? You can get some really beautiful things. Sorry if you find this embarrassing. but if he's into this sort of
thing, you could always have a intimate evening involving cosplay. Like
you could find lingerie of some game heroine he likes, just an idea.

Also, this site has a ton of geeky gifts that he might like.

You guys have been awesome, like always! To give you guys a better idea, I'm going to tell you the bad points and good points of your suggestions.

thing1 :  We don't do bars and we're not very social. Also, he hates museums and finds them boring. I've only convinced him to walk through a museum once with me. lol As for a concert, we're not terribly into the social scene. In fact, we're hermits and introverts. We don't really live off music like most people do, either. Even if we did, there aren't any artists that we'd die to see. Neither of us have been to a concert or expressed a desire to. I think he'd hate it. Sorry.

Gingercream1 :  I don't think he'd like a plush, to be honest. Even if I made it. He's far too.... 'manly' for that. hehe. I do plan on taking him out to eat, but I'm not sure where yet.

supernerd117 : See the response above. I do agree it'd be thoughtful without enabling him, but he's not that easy to buy/make gifts for. I really do like the idea you and Gingercream gave though. I think it's really sweet and thoughtful. We also both own 3DSs and some Mario Kart game. I just never have the time to play it with him. : S

Eniitan : He's not into clothes... at all. lol

Mistress :  Unique.. yes... and very odd.. hahaha. I think he'd find that very strange though, and I hate scary movies. They make me laugh because I find them so stupid... : S

blohis : I love your idea and think it's also terribly sweet. However, there are two problems with it. First, I don't want him to think I'm being selfish. Secondly, he seems to hate almost anything I like. Literally.... almost everything. I've tried to get him to participate in my interests, but in six years, it's never worked. lol

warmaker :  I know, but I thought maybe you guys could help me get my mind wheeling, and you certainly have! As for real life friends... (I mentioned above)... um... neither of us even have one. I have a couple of close online friends, but he doesn't even have online friends, nor does he desire them. His video games fulfil any social voids, I guess. And I have to say that I completely agree with you! I think activities are best as well. I guess that's a better way of stating my original post, in all honestly. We don't go to bars, he doesn't like the outdoors or the heat, and the only sport he's even somewhat interested in... is football, and that's ONLY if the Steelers are playing.

Light Knight : Concerts wouldn't be enjoyable for either of us, and he's too self-conscious for a massage from a stranger (or go to a beach). We've spent the night at hotels in the past though.

Of all the suggestions, yours were probably the best. He's always wanted to go to a Medieval meal, actually, and I think that's something we'd both enjoy. I did find what I think is the nearest one, but the closest show is on the Sunday preceding his birthday, and would cost quite a bit as well. It's in Atlanta, and I've bookmarked it for consideration. I'd never have thought about that!

Zip lining, he'd hate though. Artwork, he wouldn't care about. And Cosplay is something I'm not confident enough to do. Plus, from our brief discussions in the past (ha!), there's only one thing he'd like, and it's so particular that it's nearly impossible to do / find.

Also, I LOVE thinkgeek... I had thought about the site, but I wasn't sure if that was 'meaningful' enough.

The links you gave me DID give me some ideas though! I want to share my ideas, but because I know people freak out over long posts, I'm going to place it in a separate post and ask for your guys' opinions. ^.^

(Oh, and I promise you guys, I am NOT trying to put you down or be difficult!  I personally would DIE of happiness to be the receiver of any of your suggested gifts/surprises.  My husband is simply very, very particular.  He's told me in the past on several occasions that video games are the only things that make him happy.)

Okay, so my husband DOES like history.  But he's not too keen on the history of Birmingham, Alabama because his views are pretty radical. Also, before I go into details, he does hate to walk a lot, and he hates being out in the heat. Those two thoughts are my concerns with my idea.

Oh, I guess I just lied a little, because there's one more BIG issue I need advice on as well, if I am to go through with my ideas.  See, my husband normally works nights.  He also does NOT manage his time well at all, so he's nearly always tired and exhausted.  He probably won't even have his birthday off or the night before it (which would really be the more beneficial night to have off, so that he could be well rested during the daytime of his birthday).  If I wanted to make a day (or two) of the celebration, how bad would it be for me to call his job and ask for him to get two days off for a surprise trip?  Obviously, he could ask them himself, but then I couldn't surprise him.  I don't know how inappropriate it would be to ask his manager, or if it could get him in trouble / fired.  Most of his coworkers don't seem to like him and he's actually been on the verge of quitting several times. The hotel he works at is also managed terribly.  Should I just risk him being tired during his birthday and pump him full of Red Bull?

Okay, so here are the ideas I have based off your suggestions:

1.  I already bought him a mystery book from Amazon.  We had a conversation earlier this week about how he loved Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys as a child.  I've bought him tons of books in the past and he hasn't read any of them.  He claimed this is because he waits until he gets a whole bunch and then reads them all.  I don't know if I buy that after 6 years though.  (Too bad mystery dinners are only for larger groups.  At least, all the nearby ones are, from my research.)

I can also get him something nerdy from thinkgeek.com.

2.  I can take him to a medieval dinner in Atlanta on Sunday. I'm worried about the drive, and he'd obviously have to have that night off. It'd cost about $110 if we ignore what the gas might cost, so he'd likely think it was the extent of his birthday surprise.

3. I can crochet him a tiny little Mario. That wouldn't take too much time, and although he wouldn't like the -plush- per se, it might give him a little laugh.  He sometimes teases that I crochet stuff for everyone but him, even though everything I crochet is girlie. Also, a few weeks ago, he got a kid's meal at some fast food place because he wanted this Mario figurine, and he was peeved that he got Peach and I didn't tell him before we left the drive-thru.  I don't know if I could actually pull something like this off though, since I'm not good at art whatsoever.

4.  Here's where my concerns come in.  I found several 'sites' from Light Knight's suggestion. I'm HORRIBLE at research, but maybe I can research the history behind the buildings here in Birmingham, and take him on a tour?  I can take notes with me and act as his tour guide as we travel around the city, and we can get hot dogs at the street vendors. I know that's cheap, but he really, really likes hot dogs, and thinks vendors are kind of .... nostalgic?... to buy from.

I'm worried that walking and the heat would get to him though. Plus, I have no idea how to do research stuff like that. I found 2 sites for the history of two buildings, but that's hardly enough for a tour.  Even if he doesn't like the history, I think he'd really love the fact that I did the research and took him on a tour myself.

Do you guys think the heat and walking would take away from something like that, and do you have any ideas on how I could find information?

5. If you guys think it's alright and I can convince his job to give him the night off, I can find a hotel for us to stay at, we can have a nice dinner while watching a movie, and then I can give him a long back massage.  He likes back massages more than anything in the world (yes... more than video games and.... -anything- else). However, I don't like to give them for reasons I can't really state here without being rude.

I could then also give him the gifts I bought/made.

What do you guys think?

On the calling his place of work, based on the situation you described, if you were going to make a day- or a couple-day-long celebration out of his birthday, I think it might be a better idea to go ahead and tell him in advance so he can ask for the days off himself. Not as much of a surprise, sure, but you could always be vague on what you are planning.

On finding information, if you're wanting to research buildings in Birmingham while avoiding certain aspects of the city's history, it still might be a good idea to physically go to one of the museums in the city on your own for information. My tiny little city in Arkansas has its own museum, even, and the curator is this city's guru... I've never met a man like him. Internet research is grand and all, but I've never been able to beat the kind of information and tips you can get from an actual person who is well-versed in the city's history. I'd try going to one of the museums and seeing if you can talk to one of the curators, or at least a tour guide, for suggestions, both on places to visit and on sources of information.

Singelli : Considering the drive-thru experience, I think he'd enjoy a crocheted Mario, although he might hesitate to admit it. It also might get him to support your crocheting activities!

I have been to a Medieval Dinner and Show before. I have also been to a Dolly Parton Stampede. Those were both so much fun to do as a 12 year old ( I think that is how old I was ). I say go for the Medieval Show. Heck, even let him dress up for it, if he wants. It is one of those things that is actually interactive, in a way. If I am reading into what you are saying about you two, then he would just love this kind of thing. Go for it. And trust me... with the show, and the amount of food you get, go for it; the price is definitely worth it. 

This might sound ridiculous but get him on a Star Wars binge and then buy him a Force FX lightsaber. Worked for me! =D

You mentioned he is feeling insecure. If you could find out why, maybe your gift could help reinforce his confidence and fix whatever it is that is troubling him
 
I like the crochet idea, if you can make it in time for his birthday

Perhaps plan a weekend get-away?

Maybe you could influence his next binge. Most people like that get obsessed about similar things. What are other things he has obsessed over and maybe you can find something that fits his tastes. 

Nothing has to be expensive though, as long as it makes sure that he is loved and is where he belongs it will be the best gift anyone can give him.

Singelli : Have you decided anything yet? I kind of like apeman's suggestion... The idea of a Star wars marathon sounds extremely pleasing to me right now. And if I am not mistaken, I think you mentioned somewhere that your husband has a thing for Star Wars, doesn't he? Or was that some anime you mentioned in what I am thinking of? 

I'm giving you my idea, because it's what I want(ed) to do for my wife (not necessarily for her birthday).  You said that you don't mind spending a bit of money and that your husband is not a big outdoors man, well, then I've got just the thing.  It might not be very original.  It might not even be something that you like, but hey, it's an option and it might not even cost you that much and you don't need to go anywhere at all.  First of all, it does not involve any games, so relax  I hope you have a big white (or semi white) wall for this.  Rent a video projector (not sure what you call it in the US).  Preferably an HD projector.  If you don't have a surround sound home theater system, I would recommend renting that as well.  You have to set this up when he's not at home of course and make it a real home cinema surprise.  The tricky part is if you don't know how to set up a system like this, you might need to get someone to help you with this.  Fortunately it's quite easy and straight forward.  The home theater system must preferably have a bluray player or an HD media player for maximum effect.  Get one or two of his fav movies or something that he hasn't seen yet and really want to watch and put it up on the big screen.  Make popcorn in the typical movie carton boxes or whatever you guys get at your cinemas together with his favorite snacks and beverage to complete the package.  Just warn the neighbors of the movie noise beforehand.  You can even get creative and make or get a movie poster of the actual movie/s you're going to watch and put it up at or near the front door with the heading, "NOW SHOWING" or something like that.  Yes, we love movies, but with the kids we obviously don't get / have enough time for this and my wife said the other day that she's dying for a good movie, so this is what I would've done if someone were willing to look after the kids for an evening  Anyway, good luck.  Hope you find the perfect gift!

I bought medieval dinner tickets and started to put the other plans into action, but the way things are currently looking, I'm not even sure there's going to be a birthday celebration any more.  (And the tickets were nonrefundable, too. Plus, thanks to the events going on, my husband found out about the tickets. )

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