Oh dear, it's very difficult writing this review while trying to refrain from making as many bad rock and dinosaur puns as possible. But I can't help it if "Caveman Ninja" is perfect pun fuel. It's also a blast; one of the best platform-genre arcade games I've EVER played. Don't even bother wasting your time with the home ports. The SNES version is much different compared to the arcade version, and the Sega Genesis version is watered down in all departments except for overall game play (for the most part, anyways). The arcade version, on the other hand, is bright, colorful, and packed with action that put your reflexes to the test. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, so let's start at the beginning:

"Caveman Ninja" is a 1991 arcade game released by Data East. The game proved to be quite successful, causing it to receive a worldwide release, home ports, and even 2 different bootleg arcade copies.? Two players can play at the same time via co-op style, controlling Joe, a caveman with green hair, and Mac, a caveman with blue hair. These two most excellent cave dudes must rescue some bodacious babes who were captured by a group of most heinous cave dudes. They must journey on a radical adventure fighting off prehistoric creatures and battling army upon army of bad cave dudes in order to save the babes and receive their kiss.

Graphics: 9
One word: Beautiful. Data East really put a lot of time and detail into making this game look great. Wonderful shades of greens, browns, blues, and a variety of colorful vegetation give the game a prehistoric tropical feel. The prehistoric setting isn’t common in video games, so the environment is a nice change of pace, and the game looks beautiful for that reason. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing out a cartoon rather than a video game. It’s THAT good.

Every sprite is greatly detailed to the point where they look like they belong on the Game Boy Advance (keep in mind that arcade games at the time were usually 1 step ahead of common home video game consoles in the graphics department). As I said before, I feel like I’m playing a cartoon; for example, if Joe and Mac are approached by a T-Rex, they scream as their eyes pop out of their heads. If they’re crushed by a falling rock, they are flattened, yet they can still move around, which I found hilarious. One of the items in the game gives you temporary invincibility, and comes in the form of either a hot pepper or a bottle of Tabasco Sauce. This causes you to turn red and breathe fire as you march around stiffly. Things like that are what makes this game as much of a blast to watch as it is to actually play.

The enemies are designed well, with the bad cavemen having a generic cartoon-bad-guy look to them, and wild animals such as mini-T-Rexes and Pterodactyls have a sinister look to them as well. The bosses are HUGE creatures, taking up nearly half of the screen. Of course, being much larger, the bosses have more detail to them than smaller enemies, but it’s not to the point where the smaller enemies look terrible compared to the bosses.

Sound: 7

The game’s soundtrack fits the prehistoric-tropical setting pretty well. I was expecting the music to sound something along the lines of what I would hear in an episode of “The Flintstones”, but actually it reminds me of the game “Zuma”, with pounding drums and the like. All it really needs is a few tribal chants thrown in and it’d be gold.

The sound effects are pretty decent. Joe and Mac, as well as many of the enemies, have voices, but they don’t say any words (Joe and Mac say things like “Kaw!” when throwing a charged-up weapon, and “Ow!” when hit by an enemy, while enemy cavemen shout “No!” when defeated). You’ll also hear roaring dinosaurs, buzzing bees, spitting plants, and other stuff like that, but it isn’t distracting at all; actually, it greatly adds to the experience.

If you happen to play the two bootleg versions of the game that are available on this site under the names “Caveman Ninja (Bootleg)” and “Stone Age (Bootleg of Caveman Ninja)” , you will notice that the music is completely different. To tell you the truth, I actually like the music from the bootleg versions, especially the boss theme. However, the music does not fit the game at all. I can only assume the bootleg was made on different hardware, possibly the hardware of a different game. If anyone knows which game that would be, let me know.

Addictiveness: 9

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve played this game. It has an excellent replay value. The game has different level routes you can take, which can lead to a slightly different ending. ?The 2-player co-op mode is an excellent addition, where you and a friend can compete for the most points and try to see who can get kissed by the girls you rescue at the end of each boss fight. I definitely will play this game in the future, and I do hope Vizzed adds Netplay to MAME so I can co-op with someone. In the meantime, I’ll have to crowd around my laptop with my brother in order to play co-op.

Story: 4

Nothing really special here in terms of the story. It’s just your classic boy-saves-girl-from-monster scenario. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s pretty much been done to death, so there nothing I can really say about it. I’m not complaining, though. This game is awesome.

Depth: 7

As I’ve mentioned before, the game has different routes you can take when proceeding from one level to the next. For example, level three is a choice between climbing up to the top of a huge tree, and making you way up a mountainside. Depending on the route you take depends on what ending you get, although each ending is a slight variation from the next. The 2 player co-op adds to the depth; at the end of each boss fight, whoever delivered the finishing blow will get the girl’s kiss, encouraging some friendly competition.

Difficulty: 8

This is as fun as it is difficult. I’ve gotten good enough where I can make it to level 3 on just one credit, but that’s when I get pulverized. The very first level is not forgiving at all; it throws at least 10 cavemen at you at once as you make you way past a sleeping T-Rex.

Different weapons can be found in eggs on the ground or being carried by enemies, but most of the time, I keep getting flints, which is the most useless weapon in my opinion. If you can, try to get stone wheels (which knock enemies out as they roll away) or “other self”, where you shoot out clones of yourself. Get your hands on either of those items, and you won’t have too much trouble getting through some of the game. If you get stuck with a flit, however, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Weapons can be fired left, right, and up. Holding down the shooting button can charge your weapon and make it more powerful, which can come in handy when dealing with bosses and huge waves of enemies. I found out through trial-and-error that you can also jump on enemies Mario-style. Speaking of jumping, hold “up” and press jump to perform a super jump, and hold “down” and press jump to hop down to a lower level of ground.

Your health bar decreases over time, and taking hits from enemies can lower it even more. In the spirit of “Wonder Boy” and its NES counterpart “Adventure Island”, you can get food to boost your health. If you charge your weapon for too long, you will become fatigued and your character must stop to catch his breath, and your health will go down. During boss battles, your health will NOT go down naturally over time, but you will have no access to food for health.

Overall (NOT AVERAGE SCORE): 9

In a nutshell, “Caveman Ninja” is a true classic. Its colorful atmosphere, fun premise, rockin’ music, and exciting action will definitely bring me back for more. Eat your heart out, Fred Flintstone.