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WHY DID I GET A D- ON THIS PAPER!!!!??
I was to make a 5 paragraph paper about the brain process for the characters in your novel you are assigned. Class: Physycology
I was to make a 5 paragraph paper about the brain process for the characters in your novel you are assigned. Class: Physycology
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WHY DID I GET A D- ON THIS PAPER!!!!??
10-31-12 05:02 PM
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HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE! My Psychology teacher gave me and D- on this essay that was supposed to be 5 paragraphs and it had to do with the thought process of the characters. Here it is... Please. Why did I get a D-? In Night of the Twisters, there are many moments when a person is opposing his or her conscience and have to keep themselves together- mentally. There are many examples in Night of the Twisters where characters are faced with decisions that will always affect how they react to certain actions/comments. If the human brain is faced with a problem with both ups-and-downs the human brain will most likely have a mental breakdown which can cause mood swings, unstable thought process and depressing thoughts. For example, a character Dan, isn't quite "big" on his baby brother Ryan. Dan's mother instructs Dan and Arthur to get Ryan from his crib and go into the basement shower if the storm worsens while she goes to check on a elderly lady who may not be aware of the storms. Once the storm starts getting hectic, Dan goes to Ryan's room which Ryan is sleeping in, Dan was just the slightest bit tempted to leave him there sleeping peacefully. Now you can look at this like his conscience and his "anti-conscience" are fighting with each other. Which every conscience "wins" the fight and will either effect his action (s). In this case, Dan gets Ryan to the basement shower and gets Arthur there too. It's just a human's nature to either leave someone/something (Or just do anything really) or get the something/someone in either danger, sickness, injury, or in a bad physical state. Here's an example (Not from the book though); Jimmy and Simon never got along-never. They lived in a small town and were in every grade with each other, but never got along. Now say they go to college and they have the same dorm, there could be a horrible fire that catches them by surprise, and Simon was knocked out from a air vent cover falling from the fire. Jimmy, even though he hates Simon, will go and get/take Simon to safety- it's human nature. However, in some cases, a "anti-conscience" will win the "fight" and the person(s) will leave the injured/sick/in danger person(s) and will most likely have what's called a:"Guilt-Conscience." Another example is when the character Arthur (Who has eight over sisters and a mother) is driven from anxiety, to a state of desperation. Why? Because the storm intimidated Arthur by getting worse, the human mind reacts to intimidation in an odd way. They can pushed to the state of desperation, fear/anxiety, depressed thoughts, and rarely; Mood swings. So when Arthur is pushed to from a state of mere anxiety to desperation you can see the way his brain process changes effects his actions. What actions? He tries to make a break for the front door while the storm gets worse and try to get to his house to tell his family to go to the basement because,"They never go to the basement." As Arthur says. Another example could be when Dan and Arthur go out of the basement they see Dan's home destroyed by the tornado. You can tell that Dan is upset due to the fact that his attitude changes, plus he worries his mother may be dead which shows how people can tell themselves," He (Or she) is coming back/doing OK/is fine/not dying, ect." They can easily change their mind after losing something they care about. Take Dan for example; He was nervous his mother was dead, and he kept telling himself she wasn't. But after going up from the basement after the tornado he sees his home destroyed and even starts to consider his mother is dead. Showing even the strongest will can be broken-even by non-living things... So I hope you've enjoyed reading this five paragraph essay that I enjoyed doing! I also hope that you've enjoyed reading how the human brain can react to life-death-situations like the ones in the book,"The Night of the Twisters!" I recommend this book to anyone, and trying to notice the physiological reactions shown in the book! ~ Kyle Parker Griffith... In Night of the Twisters, there are many moments when a person is opposing his or her conscience and have to keep themselves together- mentally. There are many examples in Night of the Twisters where characters are faced with decisions that will always affect how they react to certain actions/comments. If the human brain is faced with a problem with both ups-and-downs the human brain will most likely have a mental breakdown which can cause mood swings, unstable thought process and depressing thoughts. For example, a character Dan, isn't quite "big" on his baby brother Ryan. Dan's mother instructs Dan and Arthur to get Ryan from his crib and go into the basement shower if the storm worsens while she goes to check on a elderly lady who may not be aware of the storms. Once the storm starts getting hectic, Dan goes to Ryan's room which Ryan is sleeping in, Dan was just the slightest bit tempted to leave him there sleeping peacefully. Now you can look at this like his conscience and his "anti-conscience" are fighting with each other. Which every conscience "wins" the fight and will either effect his action (s). In this case, Dan gets Ryan to the basement shower and gets Arthur there too. It's just a human's nature to either leave someone/something (Or just do anything really) or get the something/someone in either danger, sickness, injury, or in a bad physical state. Here's an example (Not from the book though); Jimmy and Simon never got along-never. They lived in a small town and were in every grade with each other, but never got along. Now say they go to college and they have the same dorm, there could be a horrible fire that catches them by surprise, and Simon was knocked out from a air vent cover falling from the fire. Jimmy, even though he hates Simon, will go and get/take Simon to safety- it's human nature. However, in some cases, a "anti-conscience" will win the "fight" and the person(s) will leave the injured/sick/in danger person(s) and will most likely have what's called a:"Guilt-Conscience." Another example is when the character Arthur (Who has eight over sisters and a mother) is driven from anxiety, to a state of desperation. Why? Because the storm intimidated Arthur by getting worse, the human mind reacts to intimidation in an odd way. They can pushed to the state of desperation, fear/anxiety, depressed thoughts, and rarely; Mood swings. So when Arthur is pushed to from a state of mere anxiety to desperation you can see the way his brain process changes effects his actions. What actions? He tries to make a break for the front door while the storm gets worse and try to get to his house to tell his family to go to the basement because,"They never go to the basement." As Arthur says. Another example could be when Dan and Arthur go out of the basement they see Dan's home destroyed by the tornado. You can tell that Dan is upset due to the fact that his attitude changes, plus he worries his mother may be dead which shows how people can tell themselves," He (Or she) is coming back/doing OK/is fine/not dying, ect." They can easily change their mind after losing something they care about. Take Dan for example; He was nervous his mother was dead, and he kept telling himself she wasn't. But after going up from the basement after the tornado he sees his home destroyed and even starts to consider his mother is dead. Showing even the strongest will can be broken-even by non-living things... So I hope you've enjoyed reading this five paragraph essay that I enjoyed doing! I also hope that you've enjoyed reading how the human brain can react to life-death-situations like the ones in the book,"The Night of the Twisters!" I recommend this book to anyone, and trying to notice the physiological reactions shown in the book! ~ Kyle Parker Griffith... |
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10-31-12 05:05 PM
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Probably because it wasn't well written. Or in this case, well streamlined.
It helps I guess if you've read the book, because honestly I had no clue what you were babbling about. It helps I guess if you've read the book, because honestly I had no clue what you were babbling about. |
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10-31-12 05:09 PM
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legacyme3: I was "babbling" about how I spent so much time writting rough drafts for my work to be treated this way! I am just upset, I read the book twice for anything else. I hate my psychology teacher... |
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10-31-12 05:11 PM
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BluemageKyle :
No, I meant the babbling in your paper. I understood what you wrote before the paper in your mini-rant. I didn't understand your work on the paper. It looked messy. No, I meant the babbling in your paper. I understood what you wrote before the paper in your mini-rant. I didn't understand your work on the paper. It looked messy. |
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10-31-12 05:12 PM
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10-31-12 05:14 PM
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Well, if the teacher graded for grammar and the fluidity of the paper, I can understand. The page is difficult to read because the sentence flow isn't all that smooth. However, I'm not sure what your teacher expects an 11 year old to be capable of. I teach 15-17 year olds and I'm not sure what writing level 11 year olds should be at. Also, as leggy says, reading the book would help us understand where the issue might have been. Also, as leggy says, reading the book would help us understand where the issue might have been. |
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10-31-12 05:18 PM
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It might be because you used parts of Night of the Twisters in your report and you didn't cite the source (I know as my Psychology professor gave me a D- on a case study report because I didn't properly cite the source I was doing the paper on.) Since you used examples from the book, your supposed to cite the book to avoid playgerism (at least in my college your suppose to). That is my reason and I could be wrong.
It might be because you used parts of Night of the Twisters in your report and you didn't cite the source (I know as my Psychology professor gave me a D- on a case study report because I didn't properly cite the source I was doing the paper on.) Since you used examples from the book, your supposed to cite the book to avoid playgerism (at least in my college your suppose to). That is my reason and I could be wrong.
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(edited by Oldschool41 on 10-31-12 05:33 PM)
10-31-12 05:37 PM
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Singelli : Well I skipped fifth grade and did sixth at age 10. An yeah, reading Night of the Twisters would help. The reason I'm so upset is because I worked hard to make the essay. I read my mother's old phsycology books from college, and researched on the web. My teachers however are hard to please due to the fact that I am in advanced classes. |
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10-31-12 05:44 PM
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Forget my first post as I didn't know that your still in grade school (it didn't know that they teach Psychology that young). That being said I agree with Leggy partially as it might have been that it just wasn't well writen to the teachers likes. I would ask the teacher as to how you got the D- and explain how hard you worked to write the paper. Forget my first post as I didn't know that your still in grade school (it didn't know that they teach Psychology that young). That being said I agree with Leggy partially as it might have been that it just wasn't well writen to the teachers likes. I would ask the teacher as to how you got the D- and explain how hard you worked to write the paper. |
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10-31-12 05:49 PM
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Oldschool41: I tried explaining it but I have strict and stubborn teachers who have extremely high expectations for me since I am a advanced student with all advanced classes except for gym. And I have Psychology at this age because of a "honors' class" thingy that I was excepted into for advanced classes and different classes. Right now I actually want to be a Criminal Psychologist meaning I want to study what makes killers, robbers, terrorists think/tick. |
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10-31-12 06:08 PM
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My first thought is that it seems awfully short for a five paragraph essay. That may just be because I don't see it out on paper, but it still looks like it's not a lot of content. And then there seems to be an awful lot of fluff. Like the example that you give between Jimmy and Simon, which you explicitly state isn't from the book. The ending was also a little out of place. You should write about your topic throughout the paper. You shouldn't write about how you hope the teacher enjoyed reading your essay or that you recommend the book.
But we can really only guess why you would have been given the grade that you received. Did your teacher leave any comments on the paper? And if you talk to them, don't go to them explaining why you deserve a better grade than you got. Go to them for help understanding what you did wrong and work to do better next time. But we can really only guess why you would have been given the grade that you received. Did your teacher leave any comments on the paper? And if you talk to them, don't go to them explaining why you deserve a better grade than you got. Go to them for help understanding what you did wrong and work to do better next time. |
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10-31-12 06:16 PM
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soxfan pretty much summed it up pretty good. Also I might add that you should maybe avoid saying "For example" as the starting words for a new paragraph as "for example" tends to be used in the middle of the sentence when your relating something to another. Also you should never end a paper with "I hope you enjoy..." as that is a BIG no no to do when writing a paper. Instead sum up what you had just wrote about in paragraphs 2-4 and "strengthen" the message. Actually you could take your 2nd sentene in Paragraph one, re word it a bit, and use that as your opening sentence for your ending. Once you do that, sum up what you tried to establish in Paragraphs 2-4 as a way to continue on with your ending.
soxfan pretty much summed it up pretty good. Also I might add that you should maybe avoid saying "For example" as the starting words for a new paragraph as "for example" tends to be used in the middle of the sentence when your relating something to another. Also you should never end a paper with "I hope you enjoy..." as that is a BIG no no to do when writing a paper. Instead sum up what you had just wrote about in paragraphs 2-4 and "strengthen" the message. Actually you could take your 2nd sentene in Paragraph one, re word it a bit, and use that as your opening sentence for your ending. Once you do that, sum up what you tried to establish in Paragraphs 2-4 as a way to continue on with your ending.
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(edited by Oldschool41 on 10-31-12 06:18 PM)
11-02-12 07:22 PM
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I'm kind of surprised that Singelli was unable to speak up. For an eleven year old, the essay is OK. Definitely not deserving of an A, but I would think a normal D would have sufficed. The essay jumps around too much. It really appears like you did not proofread it or have anybody else proofread it. The last, what, four lines? Completely inappropriate for essay. You never state that an essay is an essay in circumstances like these and you never "recommend" the book until you are reviewing the book. In this scenario, you were definitely not reviewing the book.
Your essay is also extremely short and feels "thrown together." There are comma splices, misplaced phrases... and well basically, bad grammar overall. Your essay is also extremely short and feels "thrown together." There are comma splices, misplaced phrases... and well basically, bad grammar overall. |
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11-02-12 08:43 PM
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Ktanaqui : Thank you for pointing out my mistakes, it was like a pop quiz she just announced the day before it was due and were expected to do the prewritting, rough drafts, and final copies on our own time. Most of the class didn't do well since we weren't given much time and were given a second chance. |
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11-02-12 08:50 PM
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Well, I completely agree with Oldschool41 and Ktanaqui. I simply didn't respond because that was the night I was trying to avoid getting a jersey. LOL I'd definitely say the last paragraph was the worst part of the essay. At first I thought it was a comment to us here on the forum board before I realized it was a part of your essay. It's a good thing you get another try, but consider Ktanaqui's assessment: make sure you get someone to proofread it. Preferably, get someone a bit older to proofread it because they'd be better able to tell you how to make the paper flow smoothly. I'd definitely say the last paragraph was the worst part of the essay. At first I thought it was a comment to us here on the forum board before I realized it was a part of your essay. It's a good thing you get another try, but consider Ktanaqui's assessment: make sure you get someone to proofread it. Preferably, get someone a bit older to proofread it because they'd be better able to tell you how to make the paper flow smoothly. |
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11-02-12 08:51 PM
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Singelli : Thanks, I am going to be typing it out and proof reading it with my Uncle (Whom is a scholar) and will post it here after I get my final grade! |
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11-03-12 10:28 AM
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I'm glad that you didn't take that badly. >.< I wasn't feeling well so I wrote it from an emotionless point-of-view, which can make it come across more mean than intended. I hope that the second try goes well. Essays for Pop Quizzes aren't fun. (I've had my fair share.) |
Trusted Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 09-05-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2564 days
Last Active: 2206 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 09-05-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2564 days
Last Active: 2206 days
11-03-12 10:43 AM
bt82660 is Offline
| ID: 683801 | 455 Words
| ID: 683801 | 455 Words
bt82660
Level: 14
POSTS: 1/28
POST EXP: 1936
LVL EXP: 10617
CP: 163.8
VIZ: 27274
POSTS: 1/28
POST EXP: 1936
LVL EXP: 10617
CP: 163.8
VIZ: 27274
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
You got a D- on the paper because you didn't do so well on the test. I got a 9 out of 10 on a test I just took, and earned 450 Viz. You can do better someday and get a 9 out of 10 like me. I got #6 wrong. If you pass the test, you don't have to take it again. Right now, I am watching the Newlywed Game. I am earning enough Viz to buy a beta test ticket. Those cost about 10,000 Viz each. I am trying to post the reason why you got a D- on your paper. The reason why you got a D- is because you only took test, burped, and said, "Get out of dodge or I'm going to make you go with my girlfriend for dinner Friday night." And then you left my class. Your current grade for my class is 69% because you failed 3 tests, you did poorly on a project, and you don't do your homework once or twice a week out of 3 or 4 nights I give homework every week. To improve your grade, you're going to have to get A's, B's, and only one C or C+, not a C- or lower, because if you fail my class, you have to take summer school. If you fail summer school, you have to repeat the whole grade next school year. I told a student on Smallworlds to do the exact same thing a few hours before the power went out due to Hurricane Sandy. I lost power about 10pm Monday night, and got it back at 7pm Thursday night. Some people will most likely be without power at least until mid-November. I had to stay at a hotel for 3 nights, and I finally got home about 2pm Friday, and played NBA 07. When you get a chance to talk to the owner of the Website, could you tell him to request a PS3 with at least 100 games to start, then add 25 games every 10-15 days. It wasn't the best thing I ever did, but I imagine you had to stay in a shelter during the March 1993 Superstorm. Do you remember a situation where power got knocked out in your friend's house across the street, but you didn't lose power? This would be similar to one side of I-95 being drenched and the other side being dry? Do you recall when you were driving when it's sunny, but in the blink of an eye, snow was blinding the windshield that you couldn't see the car in front of you? You need to answer all questions I asked you by next Saturday at noon, or you get a zero. |
Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 10-10-10
Last Post: 3651 days
Last Active: 1612 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 10-10-10
Last Post: 3651 days
Last Active: 1612 days
11-03-12 11:26 AM
GuardianZack is Offline
| ID: 683816 | 198 Words
| ID: 683816 | 198 Words
GuardianZack
Level: 65
POSTS: 253/1059
POST EXP: 115694
LVL EXP: 2306524
CP: 20283.8
VIZ: 447637
POSTS: 253/1059
POST EXP: 115694
LVL EXP: 2306524
CP: 20283.8
VIZ: 447637
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
It jumps around a lot, you repeat some words constantly, you did not cite your sources, and there were a lot of misspellations and grammar issues. Still, for your age it was very informative. One could definitely tell you read the book as you were supposed to; the other obvious reason I can think of is the fact that you are in an advanced class, or that it may be based specifically on the expectations the teacher has for you. I would give any average student of your level a solid B, and an advanced student a solid C. You obviously have skill as a writer and are capable of critical thinking, so think of it more as a compliment. The paper is good, but the teacher thinks so highly of your abilities that they gave you a low grade to urge you to put forth your very best effort. I could agree that, despite the work you put into it, your quality is much higher than what you may give yourself credit for. I have seen some of your posts on Vizzed, and you have better writing skills than probably half of the people above your age. It jumps around a lot, you repeat some words constantly, you did not cite your sources, and there were a lot of misspellations and grammar issues. Still, for your age it was very informative. One could definitely tell you read the book as you were supposed to; the other obvious reason I can think of is the fact that you are in an advanced class, or that it may be based specifically on the expectations the teacher has for you. I would give any average student of your level a solid B, and an advanced student a solid C. You obviously have skill as a writer and are capable of critical thinking, so think of it more as a compliment. The paper is good, but the teacher thinks so highly of your abilities that they gave you a low grade to urge you to put forth your very best effort. I could agree that, despite the work you put into it, your quality is much higher than what you may give yourself credit for. I have seen some of your posts on Vizzed, and you have better writing skills than probably half of the people above your age. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-27-12
Location: Knoxville, TN
Last Post: 4015 days
Last Active: 4011 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-27-12
Location: Knoxville, TN
Last Post: 4015 days
Last Active: 4011 days
11-03-12 01:07 PM
Kyle! is Offline
| ID: 683857 | 24 Words
| ID: 683857 | 24 Words
Kyle!
BluemageKyle
BluemageKyle
Level: 82
POSTS: 497/1775
POST EXP: 83520
LVL EXP: 5078593
CP: 2575.5
VIZ: -130464
POSTS: 497/1775
POST EXP: 83520
LVL EXP: 5078593
CP: 2575.5
VIZ: -130464
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
GuardianZack : Thank you, reading your post made me smile and make me feel OK with my work, I can't wait to retake the test. |
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 03-16-12
Last Post: 1448 days
Last Active: 715 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 03-16-12
Last Post: 1448 days
Last Active: 715 days
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