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Parenthood

 

09-24-12 11:35 AM
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[Sorry if this thread is a dupe, guise.]

So I was watching How I Met Your Mother and it was the episode where Marshall and Lily are trying to decide if they want a baby. They're both all for it, but then Lily starts having doubts and brings Ted and Robin over to weigh in on it. Ted is pro baby, and wants nothing more to get married and be a dad. Robin doesn't like babies much and values her independence.

So my question to you guys is: When you get to a decent age, would you want to have kids? Do you see yourself being a mother or a father, are you not really a kid person, or are you just going to play it by ear and see what life brings?

My own plans for whether I wanted kids or not was kind of hindered when I was 15 and I just tried to put it out of mind. I was told I'd have to problems getting pregnant and would probably need medical help when I was ready to have kids to get pregnant. Long story short, because my doctor told me this, wasn't as careful as I should have been. So, I got pregnant when I was 19. Luckily though, Lazlo and I were intending to get married and have babies anyway, so it was just sooner than expected and we both owned up to the responsibility and are completely happy with it. Sure, sometimes it sucks not always being able to do what we want to with our friends or just go out and do stuff at the drop of a hat, but I'd much rather have had our daughter at 19 than wait several years and have a completely different kid.


Where do you guys see yourself in the potential baby department?
[Sorry if this thread is a dupe, guise.]

So I was watching How I Met Your Mother and it was the episode where Marshall and Lily are trying to decide if they want a baby. They're both all for it, but then Lily starts having doubts and brings Ted and Robin over to weigh in on it. Ted is pro baby, and wants nothing more to get married and be a dad. Robin doesn't like babies much and values her independence.

So my question to you guys is: When you get to a decent age, would you want to have kids? Do you see yourself being a mother or a father, are you not really a kid person, or are you just going to play it by ear and see what life brings?

My own plans for whether I wanted kids or not was kind of hindered when I was 15 and I just tried to put it out of mind. I was told I'd have to problems getting pregnant and would probably need medical help when I was ready to have kids to get pregnant. Long story short, because my doctor told me this, wasn't as careful as I should have been. So, I got pregnant when I was 19. Luckily though, Lazlo and I were intending to get married and have babies anyway, so it was just sooner than expected and we both owned up to the responsibility and are completely happy with it. Sure, sometimes it sucks not always being able to do what we want to with our friends or just go out and do stuff at the drop of a hat, but I'd much rather have had our daughter at 19 than wait several years and have a completely different kid.


Where do you guys see yourself in the potential baby department?
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09-24-12 01:33 PM
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KG: Not to intrude or insult you, but how does a 15 year old get told that she might have complications getting pregnant? (As you can tell by that first sentence, I'm a guy so I wouldn't have a clue.) Anyways back on subject...maybe yes maybe no depends on what my partner would want. If she wants a kid then sure I'm all for it, if she doesn't then I'm not gonna dump her because of it (think that was one of the reasons why Ted and Robin broke up if I'm not mistaken.)
KG: Not to intrude or insult you, but how does a 15 year old get told that she might have complications getting pregnant? (As you can tell by that first sentence, I'm a guy so I wouldn't have a clue.) Anyways back on subject...maybe yes maybe no depends on what my partner would want. If she wants a kid then sure I'm all for it, if she doesn't then I'm not gonna dump her because of it (think that was one of the reasons why Ted and Robin broke up if I'm not mistaken.)
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09-24-12 01:41 PM
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I don't really know, i thought i did, then i decided i didn't, and now iv no intention either way so i'll just see what happens.
Id want a proper job and house/flat first though, now would be very bad timing.
Was your doctor just an idiot or were you just very lucky?(if you dont object to that question, if so then nvm).
i know someone who was in a similar situation, ended up having it because they didn't know if they'd be able to again.
I don't really know, i thought i did, then i decided i didn't, and now iv no intention either way so i'll just see what happens.
Id want a proper job and house/flat first though, now would be very bad timing.
Was your doctor just an idiot or were you just very lucky?(if you dont object to that question, if so then nvm).
i know someone who was in a similar situation, ended up having it because they didn't know if they'd be able to again.
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09-24-12 02:40 PM
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I found out I have cysts in my ovaries when I was 15, it wasn't anything shady like I was sexually active or anything like that, haha. My periods were really irregular and I'd go like 4 months without having one, my longest time without being 8 months. I have no idea if it's an issue anymore, but I got pregnant because I had two periods within a month of each other (the first time I'd happened to me since I was like, 14) and it was just perfect timing, I guess. One of those things life throws at you that the chance that it would happen is pretty small but it does anyway, haha.

Also yeah, I definitely agree with the being ready situation. There's a lot of ways things you can do to get ready in a hurry and a lot of help you can get, but it's better for everyone involved if you know what you're doing and you have a stable place to live and income. I wish pretty much everyone from my high school knew that, haha.
I found out I have cysts in my ovaries when I was 15, it wasn't anything shady like I was sexually active or anything like that, haha. My periods were really irregular and I'd go like 4 months without having one, my longest time without being 8 months. I have no idea if it's an issue anymore, but I got pregnant because I had two periods within a month of each other (the first time I'd happened to me since I was like, 14) and it was just perfect timing, I guess. One of those things life throws at you that the chance that it would happen is pretty small but it does anyway, haha.

Also yeah, I definitely agree with the being ready situation. There's a lot of ways things you can do to get ready in a hurry and a lot of help you can get, but it's better for everyone involved if you know what you're doing and you have a stable place to live and income. I wish pretty much everyone from my high school knew that, haha.
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09-24-12 02:54 PM
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I adore kids. I try to help with them whenever I get the chance, but I really don't like tending other peoples' kids because I don't know how to treat them. For example, I was willing to give a little girl a soda yesterday and her Mama said "No" and that she could only have Capri-Suns. So that /really/ dumbfounded me. Ah well... oh, but. I do want kids. I want a little girl to name Raechal, definitely. Haven't exactly thought of a little boy's name yet.

My best friend does not want kids because he's worried about passing bad genes on. He's autistic... so I don't really blame him, though I do believe that having a child of his own to work with would help him.

Now, my boyfriend? He absolutely adores kids - more than me. And he's not so shy about handling others' kids. He'd be a heck of a lot better with kids than he is now. That's a firm standing fact. (lol)
I adore kids. I try to help with them whenever I get the chance, but I really don't like tending other peoples' kids because I don't know how to treat them. For example, I was willing to give a little girl a soda yesterday and her Mama said "No" and that she could only have Capri-Suns. So that /really/ dumbfounded me. Ah well... oh, but. I do want kids. I want a little girl to name Raechal, definitely. Haven't exactly thought of a little boy's name yet.

My best friend does not want kids because he's worried about passing bad genes on. He's autistic... so I don't really blame him, though I do believe that having a child of his own to work with would help him.

Now, my boyfriend? He absolutely adores kids - more than me. And he's not so shy about handling others' kids. He'd be a heck of a lot better with kids than he is now. That's a firm standing fact. (lol)
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09-24-12 03:02 PM
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KG: Oh...sorry if my question was ackward for you. Well I'll Congradulate you for being able to have your daughter (mind if I ask what you named your daughter, cause I enjoy playing baby name game stuff.)

thenumberone : Spot on sir. A proper job would be THE FIRST THING you want to have if your gonna have kids, (next for me would be a good public school system, then having a car.)

Ktanaqui : As someone who also has autism I can see why your best friend wouldn't want to have kids. Autism is a scary thing to find out if your child has it (almost twice as much work if its serious). But I doesn't matter as long as you love the child the same as you would if he was or isn't autistic.


KG: Oh...sorry if my question was ackward for you. Well I'll Congradulate you for being able to have your daughter (mind if I ask what you named your daughter, cause I enjoy playing baby name game stuff.)

thenumberone : Spot on sir. A proper job would be THE FIRST THING you want to have if your gonna have kids, (next for me would be a good public school system, then having a car.)

Ktanaqui : As someone who also has autism I can see why your best friend wouldn't want to have kids. Autism is a scary thing to find out if your child has it (almost twice as much work if its serious). But I doesn't matter as long as you love the child the same as you would if he was or isn't autistic.

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(edited by Oldschool41 on 09-24-12 03:04 PM)    

09-24-12 03:09 PM
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Oldschool41 : Being that I absolutely adore my best friend and my brother who are both autistic? It's no big deal to me. I can understand his reluctance too and I'm definitely not going to push him about it. If he does, he does... and if he doesn't, he doesn't. Of course, he always has my support in whatever he does choose. Though, I suppose all of that is sort of null and void because he doesn't even have a girlfriend right now!
Oldschool41 : Being that I absolutely adore my best friend and my brother who are both autistic? It's no big deal to me. I can understand his reluctance too and I'm definitely not going to push him about it. If he does, he does... and if he doesn't, he doesn't. Of course, he always has my support in whatever he does choose. Though, I suppose all of that is sort of null and void because he doesn't even have a girlfriend right now!
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09-24-12 03:10 PM
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Oldschool41 : No worries, it's not awkward. I feel like it would be more awkward for people to read than for me to say. EVERYONE LISTEN TO THE STORIES OF MY UTERUS.

And my daughter's name is Naomi! =)

Ktanaqui : Not stepping on other people's toes with what they want for their kid and what they don't is just impossible. Most parents let stuff go so as to not make things awkward and also because it's usually not that big of a deal (example: a soda isn't going to kill your child, haha). Some people are just so uptight though. I used to be when my daughter was real little but as they got older and you realize that they're not just completely fragile and helpless, it gets easier to budge and let things go. I'm sorry for your experience, those things can make it seem really intimidating.

As for the autism, my brother had Aspergers and it occured to me my parents may have given me those genes as well, but by the time I was concerned about it I was already pregnant so I tried not to worry, haha. Anymore my brother is on medication that makes him not so depressed/anal and you can't really even tell he has anything, so that makes me feel better, too. He's a lot better and happier, and so are my parents. He's 26, so back when he was little, no one really knew what Aspergers was yet, so everyone just disliked my parents for having such a stubborn tantrum child. We had some pretty dark days, haha. But! There are always options and things get better. Having a child with autism isn't the end of the world.
Oldschool41 : No worries, it's not awkward. I feel like it would be more awkward for people to read than for me to say. EVERYONE LISTEN TO THE STORIES OF MY UTERUS.

And my daughter's name is Naomi! =)

Ktanaqui : Not stepping on other people's toes with what they want for their kid and what they don't is just impossible. Most parents let stuff go so as to not make things awkward and also because it's usually not that big of a deal (example: a soda isn't going to kill your child, haha). Some people are just so uptight though. I used to be when my daughter was real little but as they got older and you realize that they're not just completely fragile and helpless, it gets easier to budge and let things go. I'm sorry for your experience, those things can make it seem really intimidating.

As for the autism, my brother had Aspergers and it occured to me my parents may have given me those genes as well, but by the time I was concerned about it I was already pregnant so I tried not to worry, haha. Anymore my brother is on medication that makes him not so depressed/anal and you can't really even tell he has anything, so that makes me feel better, too. He's a lot better and happier, and so are my parents. He's 26, so back when he was little, no one really knew what Aspergers was yet, so everyone just disliked my parents for having such a stubborn tantrum child. We had some pretty dark days, haha. But! There are always options and things get better. Having a child with autism isn't the end of the world.
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09-24-12 03:48 PM
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KG :
No, it's definitely not. My best friend found things extremely difficult for him, though... so he's extremely wary. I'm trying to help him out as much as I can.

My little brother is very much so that "problem tantrum child." Despite autism being more known now, apparently we are in the corner of the USA where nobody believes in mental illnesses. Even the SSA. Which is really pathetic.

Your daughter's name is very pretty
KG :
No, it's definitely not. My best friend found things extremely difficult for him, though... so he's extremely wary. I'm trying to help him out as much as I can.

My little brother is very much so that "problem tantrum child." Despite autism being more known now, apparently we are in the corner of the USA where nobody believes in mental illnesses. Even the SSA. Which is really pathetic.

Your daughter's name is very pretty
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09-24-12 04:32 PM
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I want kids with my girlfriend, yes.

But at present time, with the economy's standing in line with the fact both of us are having trouble finding employment, I can't conceive when we'd be financially set enough to have a child.

It's kind of depressing thinking about it, since we both want a kid.

Oh well.
I want kids with my girlfriend, yes.

But at present time, with the economy's standing in line with the fact both of us are having trouble finding employment, I can't conceive when we'd be financially set enough to have a child.

It's kind of depressing thinking about it, since we both want a kid.

Oh well.
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09-24-12 04:40 PM
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Legacyme3: I think I remember see something that it costs like 200k to raise a child. If that's true then either that figure is not right or people have a lot more money then they say they do.  But anyways give it a couple of years and you'll have some money to start out with (plus 9 months till the child is born)

KG : What a nice name.


Legacyme3: I think I remember see something that it costs like 200k to raise a child. If that's true then either that figure is not right or people have a lot more money then they say they do.  But anyways give it a couple of years and you'll have some money to start out with (plus 9 months till the child is born)

KG : What a nice name.

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(edited by Oldschool41 on 09-24-12 04:41 PM)    

09-24-12 04:42 PM
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Maybe Baby. I don't know, I'm 19 and i'm still debating to have kids or not. It's alot of responsibility, Then again, I want to teach my kid about life. So, yeah, Still debating..
Maybe Baby. I don't know, I'm 19 and i'm still debating to have kids or not. It's alot of responsibility, Then again, I want to teach my kid about life. So, yeah, Still debating..
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09-24-12 05:39 PM
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Yes, I want to have kids.
I'm at the age of 24 and I really want to have a Daughter.
someday my dream will come true
Yes, I want to have kids.
I'm at the age of 24 and I really want to have a Daughter.
someday my dream will come true
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09-24-12 05:49 PM
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I really don't want to have a baby but my girl does, if i was to have a baby i would want it to be a boy. She want to have 3. I told her thats three more mouths to feed, thats what my parents always told me. lol
I really don't want to have a baby but my girl does, if i was to have a baby i would want it to be a boy. She want to have 3. I told her thats three more mouths to feed, thats what my parents always told me. lol
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09-24-12 06:10 PM
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Flibbith: Don't be discouraged, 24 is still young. Some people don't have children till their early 30s (sometimes late 30s).

Also I hope to have a son, but if I have a daughter I'll love her the same amount as I would if she was a boy.


Flibbith: Don't be discouraged, 24 is still young. Some people don't have children till their early 30s (sometimes late 30s).

Also I hope to have a son, but if I have a daughter I'll love her the same amount as I would if she was a boy.

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(edited by Oldschool41 on 09-24-12 06:11 PM)    

09-26-12 10:18 AM
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Of course! I love kids, especially when they they are babies and toddlers. I'm currently 20 right now, my hubby is 26. We aren't married yet, but ever since we were dating he kept telling me that he is ready to have kids with me. Well, at that time, I thought he was crazy, but then after that I decided, "sure, why not?" But the problem is, he wants 4-5 kids while I only want 2. 2 is enough for me. 5 kids is too much, I might go crazy. Many people, including my family tell me not to have kids right now because of my age. Well, it's my decision not nobody else decision, as long as I am fully responsible. Can't wait for this to happen, I'll be proud to be a parent myself, no matter what.
Of course! I love kids, especially when they they are babies and toddlers. I'm currently 20 right now, my hubby is 26. We aren't married yet, but ever since we were dating he kept telling me that he is ready to have kids with me. Well, at that time, I thought he was crazy, but then after that I decided, "sure, why not?" But the problem is, he wants 4-5 kids while I only want 2. 2 is enough for me. 5 kids is too much, I might go crazy. Many people, including my family tell me not to have kids right now because of my age. Well, it's my decision not nobody else decision, as long as I am fully responsible. Can't wait for this to happen, I'll be proud to be a parent myself, no matter what.
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09-26-12 01:47 PM
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julis92 : If you guys are stable and long term and trying to have kids, why don't you get married first? Obviously it can work fine if you're not, but there's a lot of pesky details. It's better for everyone involved if you have a baby with someone you're intending to marry, that you just marry them.
julis92 : If you guys are stable and long term and trying to have kids, why don't you get married first? Obviously it can work fine if you're not, but there's a lot of pesky details. It's better for everyone involved if you have a baby with someone you're intending to marry, that you just marry them.
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09-26-12 01:51 PM
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KG : So true. I have told him to lets get married first, babies later. He likes the idea. So I guess, that is what we shall do.
KG : So true. I have told him to lets get married first, babies later. He likes the idea. So I guess, that is what we shall do.
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At this point in time, I absolutely do not want to have children. The idea of the responsibility, time and money you'd have to pour into it is not appealing to me at all. I doubt that I'd have enough patience and selflessness to be a good mom.

My husband is not interested in having children either. We really want the freedom to travel, move new places, and basically do what we like. We'd have to change our lifestyles completely if a child was thrown into the mix.

All of that being said, obviously I might change my mind some time in the future, seeing as I'm only 20.
At this point in time, I absolutely do not want to have children. The idea of the responsibility, time and money you'd have to pour into it is not appealing to me at all. I doubt that I'd have enough patience and selflessness to be a good mom.

My husband is not interested in having children either. We really want the freedom to travel, move new places, and basically do what we like. We'd have to change our lifestyles completely if a child was thrown into the mix.

All of that being said, obviously I might change my mind some time in the future, seeing as I'm only 20.
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09-27-12 03:44 PM
ant123ant is Offline
| ID: 658958 | 170 Words

ant123ant
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I would probably say yes but only if I'm married and the relationship is stable. I would wait until I am about 28/9 so that I will have time to get a decent  job in law and earn enough money to buy a house and save up so that when I have children we will not have to worry about money so we won't have as much stress to deal with. I am not sure how I would cope as a father as I don't know mine (through choice but I will not go into the reasons but the fact I do not even want to know his name would give you an idea the ser verity of what he did) but I can only hope that I do a good job. I would worry though because I would be on call more or less 24/7 which would be impractical. But I need to find the right partner first which I have not had any luck in that department yet.
I would probably say yes but only if I'm married and the relationship is stable. I would wait until I am about 28/9 so that I will have time to get a decent  job in law and earn enough money to buy a house and save up so that when I have children we will not have to worry about money so we won't have as much stress to deal with. I am not sure how I would cope as a father as I don't know mine (through choice but I will not go into the reasons but the fact I do not even want to know his name would give you an idea the ser verity of what he did) but I can only hope that I do a good job. I would worry though because I would be on call more or less 24/7 which would be impractical. But I need to find the right partner first which I have not had any luck in that department yet.
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