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legacyme3
11-21-10 08:41 AM
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M!cH@3l 001
11-24-10 04:47 AM
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Loveless...

 

11-21-10 08:41 AM
legacyme3 is Offline
| ID: 279175 | 259 Words

legacyme3
Lord Leggy - King of IT
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I wrote this a little over a year ago. This was one of the first things I wrote when learning the basis of poetry. I would aprreicate input.

Loveless
A sense of unbeing
unwelcome

Loveless
A feeling that exists
to detriment

Loveless
A mixture of emotions
combined in insanity

Loveless
A combination of love
A powerful feeling and less, a lack of

Loveless
The feeling I feel every
day

Loveless
The very thing I hold back
behind shaded eyes

Loveless
A thought I never
let leave me

Loveless
A day I got tired
of it all

Loveless
The very thing that I
wish with all my heart to avoid

Loveless
A disease
worse than AIDS

Loveless
A thought that
will always exist

Loveless
how many more
days of this

Loveless
Weeks, maybe Years?
My entire life?

Loveless
The very definition
of human beauty

Loveless
thine definition being
a silver knife

Loveless
The lack of emotion
and sympathy

Loveless
The abundance of hate
and apathy

Loveless
Something we all
try to shake

Loveless
Can't always
be avoided

Loveless
The end of a story
Beginning of a new

Loveless
Will continue forever
Because it can

Loveless
Because some people are unable to love
or in turn cannot be loved

Loveless...

The end of story
the end of time
the end of all the photographs
the end of all the memories
the end of all the pain
the end of all the hate
the end of all the "life"
the end of everything we hate

Loveless
because somethings
just cannot be loved.
I wrote this a little over a year ago. This was one of the first things I wrote when learning the basis of poetry. I would aprreicate input.

Loveless
A sense of unbeing
unwelcome

Loveless
A feeling that exists
to detriment

Loveless
A mixture of emotions
combined in insanity

Loveless
A combination of love
A powerful feeling and less, a lack of

Loveless
The feeling I feel every
day

Loveless
The very thing I hold back
behind shaded eyes

Loveless
A thought I never
let leave me

Loveless
A day I got tired
of it all

Loveless
The very thing that I
wish with all my heart to avoid

Loveless
A disease
worse than AIDS

Loveless
A thought that
will always exist

Loveless
how many more
days of this

Loveless
Weeks, maybe Years?
My entire life?

Loveless
The very definition
of human beauty

Loveless
thine definition being
a silver knife

Loveless
The lack of emotion
and sympathy

Loveless
The abundance of hate
and apathy

Loveless
Something we all
try to shake

Loveless
Can't always
be avoided

Loveless
The end of a story
Beginning of a new

Loveless
Will continue forever
Because it can

Loveless
Because some people are unable to love
or in turn cannot be loved

Loveless...

The end of story
the end of time
the end of all the photographs
the end of all the memories
the end of all the pain
the end of all the hate
the end of all the "life"
the end of everything we hate

Loveless
because somethings
just cannot be loved.
Vizzed Elite
6-Time VCS Winner

One Leggy.
One Love.
One Dream.


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-14-10
Location: https://discord.gg/YCuUJz9
Last Post: 1353 days
Last Active: 1353 days

11-22-10 10:38 AM
Nksor is Offline
| ID: 279897 | 28 Words

Nksor
the_casualty
Level: 138


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You're not... talking about yourself, are you?

Otherwise, it's a pretty good poem. I do poems and stuff too, but I'm afraid to put them up here.
You're not... talking about yourself, are you?

Otherwise, it's a pretty good poem. I do poems and stuff too, but I'm afraid to put them up here.
Vizzed Elite
Timecube


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 09-30-10
Location: From:
Last Post: 2488 days
Last Active: 1079 days

11-22-10 10:53 AM
NotJon is Offline
| ID: 279903 | 115 Words

NotJon
Level: 112


POSTS: 931/3496
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legacyme3 : You are well versed in poetic form. There is more than just rhymes here. I used to write some poetry but then one day I realized that I'm more of an essay writer. My favourite part is the 4th stanza. The 3rd line is just great. I love the slant rhyme that you used there. If I were to make any changes, I'd see if I could change "combined in insanity" from the 3rd stanza, 3rd line into maybe "combined [with] insanity" or something like that. The two "[ins]" sound a little funny to me. Using a different word I feel would maintain the rhythm a little better. It is a wonderful poem.
legacyme3 : You are well versed in poetic form. There is more than just rhymes here. I used to write some poetry but then one day I realized that I'm more of an essay writer. My favourite part is the 4th stanza. The 3rd line is just great. I love the slant rhyme that you used there. If I were to make any changes, I'd see if I could change "combined in insanity" from the 3rd stanza, 3rd line into maybe "combined [with] insanity" or something like that. The two "[ins]" sound a little funny to me. Using a different word I feel would maintain the rhythm a little better. It is a wonderful poem.
Vizzed Elite
More Not than the average Jon


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-24-09
Location: Paterson, NJ
Last Post: 4163 days
Last Active: 4129 days

11-24-10 04:47 AM
M!cH@3l 001 is Offline
| ID: 281622 | 8 Words

M!cH@3l 001
Level: 89


POSTS: 806/2074
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Thats cool man you got talent
Thats cool man you got talent
Trusted Member
affected by texting on my cell phone alot syndrome


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 03-10-10
Location: Lumberton,TX
Last Post: 4820 days
Last Active: 4820 days

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