I enjoy Chrees-muss as much as any other cat. Every year, my owner puts up this huge, amazing green cat toy and fills it with smaller cat toys! It’s a cat’s dream come true! However, she never lets me play with it. Every time I jump into it she puts me back onto the floor.

The cat toy teases me whenever I slink past it; calling me names. Just because I’m not allowed to play with the toy doesn’t mean that I’m a “stinky poo-poo hole” as it says. Because I’m a good girl, though, I don’t attack it back, which would upset my owner.

Hoomuns always seem to be excited during Chrees-muss. Occasionally, my owner would have a boy over during Chrees-muss. No matter what, that boy always smells like those smelly white circles that my owner would slice up and put in between bread.

My owner would hold up a leaf and some sort of berry above their heads and then they would smush their faces together like walruses. It confuses and disturbs me. It also always gets a meow out of me when I witness it.

“Hoomuns, you are doing me a frighten.” I once tried to tell them when I saw it happen. They didn’t seem to hear me, though. They just continued to smush their faces together and disturb me, my owner’s poor little Scotty Foldish – or was it Scottish Fold? Whatever. I’m a cat, and that’s all there is to it.

The best time of them all, though, is the height of Chrees-muss. The day always seems to come at random. One year it’s Saturday, and the next it’s Monday. However, when the day comes, it begins.

Apparently, there’s a man called Cnata who rides on this sled with a bunch of moose propelling him. Cnata will break into people’s homes at night and leave these colorful boxes with things in them under the cat toy. I once saw Cnata; he had the same hair as my owner and smelled like her, too.

 I was worried that he ate her, but then I slinked back to her room after watching him leave and I saw her in that bed where she temporarily dies every night. Hoomuns must have more lives than cats if they do that every night of their lives.

When she uses the next life after the coming of Cnata, we go to the cat toy with the colorful boxes. There, she opens the boxes – and proving that the boxes actually have colorful skins and she’s destroying them by tearing off the skin. Beneath the skins, though, are colorful things.

 Sometimes, it’s soft cloth that she wears, and other times, it’s something like headphones. Once, she got this thing that looks like one box, but I can open it and prove that it’s actually two boxes. It blew my mind away.

She usually wears or messes around with the things that Cnata gives her. Occasionally, though, she gets a few boxes from some people who aren’t Cnata. I read one of the labels that was attached to one of those boxes and it said “Mom”

Chrees-muss comes and goes, apparently. The best time of Chrees-muss only lasts a day, and then it’s back to a boring old life. On the bright side, though, my owner gets a vacation from something that she frequently complains about called “finals” Because of this vacation, she gets to stay home for about a week and half during Chrees-muss.

Personally? I don’t see what the big deal for Chrees-muss is, besides, of course, the green cat toy. But, whatever, I digress, once us cats take over the world, we’ll be able to find out the true meaning of Chrees-muss.