My friend hosts a Superbowl party every year and we went the past two years.  We're at the age where everyone is starting to have kids and the party, with about 8-10 couples and their children, is more focused on kids and what they're doing.  My wife and I have a newborn and we're using her as an excuse to not go. 

"It's too cold, we can't make it, she's too young," is what we're saying.

However, I'd rather not go anyway.  I like football, my wife likes football, and we want to watch the game, not talk about families and babies with the game on in the background.  Last year we went from upstairs to watch (everyone was talking) to going downstairs to see the big tv down there.  People migrated to us and started talking with each other so we went back upstairs.  It was a four hour game of chase, with us escaping and them pursuing.

How do I cut ties to this?  My friend LOVES to host and it's his favorite time of the year.  We're really good buddies and I know he'll be hurt if I say I'm not interested.  I can give him reasons why but he's sensitive so he'll just hear "Your party sucks."

What would you do?

warmaker : some other things you could do are; Get the grandparents to baby-sit and have an adult only party yourselves. New parents always deserve a break anyways. Or you can just flat out tell them. Super Bowl is one of the occasions that people get baby sitters so that they can enjoy the game and you and your wife would rather have some time away from the baby so that you can actually watch the game. If they are real friends they will understand. don't let people make you feel bad for having an opinion or feeling a certain way.

I would just say that you felt his guests werent really interested in the sport and distracted you from the match, as opposed to placing any of the blame on him.
If someone said that to me Id think that was fair enough.

katie.rae : No, no.  I have no problem with kids.  The problem is the adults with the kids aren't interested in the game.  They're more interested in their kids.  I'd take my daughter if I thought they would pay attention to the game.

Say that you got invited to another party and that you decided you should go to that one since you go to his every year. If you don't want to lie, just tell him that you don't feel like going, but don't say its because of him or his othother guests.

How about this. You say "Dude, I really love your superbowl parties but I was thinking. Just a suggestion. How about when the game is on people who want to chat could mingle in another room and the people who would want to watch the game could be in another room watching the game. This way nobody would be bothered and everybody could still hang out before and after the game. I was just thinking this way everybody would be happier and your party would be even more awesome for everyone, you know?"

Kind of like making it sound that you are not criticising really or it is you who actually have the problem. Instead you are sort of thinking of a friendly suggestion and think of others. Or something like that.

Brigand is right, try to plan something more lively in a way. So that the adults are not bored all the time. Then everyone would be happy in a way....

I would think the only options here are to be at least somewhat honest and say that your friends are annoying you during the game(have fun with that), or keep making excuses(and those will wear out after awhile). In this instance, I would say you have to be "this tall" to enter the room where you're watching the game as a barrier for children, and enforce that rule. Sounds bad, but you have to draw the line somehow.

warmaker :

I can kind of relate to what you are saying, though I am single and haven’t had kids.  I am a writer who covers Boxing.  It is both a vocation and a passion of mine, although I have and continue to struggle to get paid for my work, it is something that I have devoted myself and am very dedicated to. 

 

One of the things that many see as a drawback of what I do is that my sport’s major events tend to be broadcast via pay-per-view and the cost of such can be expensive.  If you don’t write for a company that is high and reputable that will not only pay you, but pay to send you to an event to cover it, you have to rely on technology because there are only so many press credentials that can be handed out per event and such.   

 

The cost of covering the events for me since I have not written for a company that I would consider to be top level can be challenging.  I have friends of mine who have suggested that I meet up with them at a sports bar where I can watch the cards more or less for free, minus food and such.  The problem with that is, much like you I like to watch sports in peace if I’m not physically at an event and such.  It wouldn’t be professional to attempt to cover something while watching at a sports bar for the sole reason that you wouldn’t be able to adequately hear what is going on and thus, you would have a hard time from a writer’s standpoint formulating ideas and taking notes. 

 

It has been a challenge for me because I am admittedly a hermit and although I would like to get together with friends from time to time, my work comes first. It is very challenging because Boxing is a sport that runs year round so if there are fifty-two weeks in a year, odds are I am covering something at least forty-eight weeks out of that year, most of which is on the weekends while the rest of the time I’m either writing material and, or researching for the next thing I am planning to cover.  Most of my friends are understanding and they know that I’m not simply trying to avoid them. It is just a situation where days run together and weeks turn into months and such. Though my friends are understanding most of them don’t understand why I am so devoted to my work because it has been a struggle to get paid for my work, let alone make a living.    I often say, I do this for a living, I just don’t make a living.  I have fun telling people that yes there is a difference between the two. It’s all part of paying your dues. 

 

I can relate to what you’re saying because I do have friends who I am close to and it really bothers me when I have to say, “I’m sorry I can’t meet up with you, I have to cover something.”  It bothers me because even though the things that a writer has to go through are both misunderstood and underappreciated by most, writers also sacrifice their time with family and friends. 

 

Although this response is a couple of days late, if this situation were to come up in the future I wouldn’t cut ties necessarily. I would just be honest, but also polite in saying you need some time for yourself and your family.  I’m sure they will understand.

 

Even when I get some down time (Days off/Time off) most of that time, I spend trying to rest up and recharge my batteries so to speak.  There are some friends who wonder how I do what I do because I keep odd hours, I sleep sporadically and I’m always writing or preparing for something, etc.  To be honest, I wish I had more energy when I have down time so I could make up for the time that I miss with friends and family.  

Well, what did you do finally? Did you get out of it, or were your forced to chat with a bunch of parents while the game was on in the background? It wasn't really a good game this year anyway.