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Juliet
10-17-13 02:02 PM
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Sunday Rush (poem)
10-17-13 02:02 PM
Juliet is Offline
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Hello everyone, it's been awhile (awhile?!) since I've posted a work of mine here on Stories Forum! It's supposed to be a short story, but when I started typing it on here it ended up... like this... I don't even know what to call it, a poem perhaps? I didn't follow any form or rules when I typed this either, I just followed my own instinct and go for what sounds good for me, so don't look for rhymes and all those stuff and patterns. I guess let's call it a free verse... anyway, enjoy~! I'll put the explanation for this work after I hear a few interpretations (or even one)from you guys. Or I could try to actually type it in story form if anybody would be interested.
-------------------------------------------- Sunday Rush 3 hours, but it felt like forever. To grasp for something you aren't even sure of. Days past by like wind, unnoticed, felt. Stabs of pain piercing through my heart. But the clock is ticking, Blindly I should run, "Where?" It rang in my head. "Confused?" This should be simple. "Doubt?" But what will I doubt? Wanting to end this nightmare, But I keep on stopping myself. "Because deep inside, You know it's not a nightmare. Remorse for overlooking, Guilt for depreciation, Anger for selfishness." But I still have time in my hands "3 hours, realize." To clear my mind, make a decision. For once I was given this chance, To hold on or to give up. The pressure is lethal, But I have to continue. Having to spread my wings, "Focus." Sharpen my senses. "Your Heart." My mind. "Your will." Finding details I've missed, Things are now clearer. The positive soul is gone, All is darkness. Taken for granted, Losing chances, falling into despair, Miserable. "You can change it. Have some faith" Faith in what? "Yourself, of course!" That pissing kind of expression, Laughing at me like I'm some idiot, But weird enough, it was reassuring, And I started to laugh as well. A matter of point of view. I should keep my head up high. In simple things are precious happiness, often ignored by people, as they dwell in the dark, Wasting moments, Their breath, their lives. I guess I was like that, but not anymore. 1 minute. "Made up your mind?" I answered with a nod. "and I answered with a grin." Together we chuckle, And this is for the last time. "Not the last, I shall be back." And then it's times up. I open my eyes to see the world, The voice is gone and I see the light, A bright new ones that warms me up. His presence is gone, but I know he's looking at me, grinning. I smile. Hugged tightly by everyone, I shall enjoy the moment. "Better make this chance worth it!" -------------------------------------------- Sunday Rush 3 hours, but it felt like forever. To grasp for something you aren't even sure of. Days past by like wind, unnoticed, felt. Stabs of pain piercing through my heart. But the clock is ticking, Blindly I should run, "Where?" It rang in my head. "Confused?" This should be simple. "Doubt?" But what will I doubt? Wanting to end this nightmare, But I keep on stopping myself. "Because deep inside, You know it's not a nightmare. Remorse for overlooking, Guilt for depreciation, Anger for selfishness." But I still have time in my hands "3 hours, realize." To clear my mind, make a decision. For once I was given this chance, To hold on or to give up. The pressure is lethal, But I have to continue. Having to spread my wings, "Focus." Sharpen my senses. "Your Heart." My mind. "Your will." Finding details I've missed, Things are now clearer. The positive soul is gone, All is darkness. Taken for granted, Losing chances, falling into despair, Miserable. "You can change it. Have some faith" Faith in what? "Yourself, of course!" That pissing kind of expression, Laughing at me like I'm some idiot, But weird enough, it was reassuring, And I started to laugh as well. A matter of point of view. I should keep my head up high. In simple things are precious happiness, often ignored by people, as they dwell in the dark, Wasting moments, Their breath, their lives. I guess I was like that, but not anymore. 1 minute. "Made up your mind?" I answered with a nod. "and I answered with a grin." Together we chuckle, And this is for the last time. "Not the last, I shall be back." And then it's times up. I open my eyes to see the world, The voice is gone and I see the light, A bright new ones that warms me up. His presence is gone, but I know he's looking at me, grinning. I smile. Hugged tightly by everyone, I shall enjoy the moment. "Better make this chance worth it!" |
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10-17-13 02:09 PM
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Wow. This is a long and an amazing poem... It was also pretty interesting and kinda unique. I don't know what else to say but I look forward to your future creative poems! |
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10-17-13 02:26 PM
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Wow......Juliet this is way deep....I took in a lot of that as I read along I really enjoyed this I look forward to more! ^-^ |
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10-17-13 07:41 PM
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Nice Poem here! It is nice and long and it grasps your reader! AKA, me. I loved reading it! I look foward to more! |
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10-17-13 07:51 PM
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*Sniff* Why do I feel like you were talking about a deceased relative (or friend) in your poem? It made me so sad. Then again, I'm really bad at reading poems. So it's most likely I'm misinterpreting it. Why do I feel like you were talking about a deceased relative (or friend) in your poem? It made me so sad. Then again, I'm really bad at reading poems. So it's most likely I'm misinterpreting it. |
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10-18-13 05:43 AM
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Thanks everyone.
Mistress : Hahah, you got it, but that's supposed to be revealed at the end of the story, I didn't include everything in the poem, lol, but I'm glad someone was able to see through it. Note- I'm not the narrator in the poem As promised, I'll post the explanation after hearing at least one interpretation, and since Mistress gave hers, I'll explain it now. -Explanation- He introduced himself as Death (or Grim Reaper) to a girl who was involved in an accident one Sunday Morning (hence the title), but in spite of it, he just looked like a normal guy. The narrator(a girl) was a very depressed person and had always wanted her life to end. The only thing that was stopping her was her subconscious self that actually fears facing death. At that day after the accident, she wasn't aware that doctors were performing surgery on her, but instead she felt like she was trapped in an endless darkness, she ran back and fort but it seemed to be hopeless, that was when she met the guy and asked her a question, "Confused?" He told her he was Grim Reaper and that it would take 3 hours more before the surgery gets completed. He wanted a clear answer from her if she still wanted to live or not after that. The scene ended after she woke up due to her loud alarm clock, she thought everything that had happened was a dream, until she realized that the days were getting a bit fast, skipping some events like lunch or The story revolved around the guy giving hints to the girl about the things she had overlooked in life as she relived some of its moments, until she realized that her life wasn't that miserable after all. They also became good friends after those three hours (but as the girl said, it felt like forever, so what she had relived might not exactly be 3 hours) When she finally woke up, she wasn't able to to see him anymore, but he was there and she knew it. That was then it was shown that he was not Grim Reaper; he was her older brother who died when he was still a baby due to complications and had always been watching over his family. The girl doesn't know anything about his true identity. Mistress : Hahah, you got it, but that's supposed to be revealed at the end of the story, I didn't include everything in the poem, lol, but I'm glad someone was able to see through it. Note- I'm not the narrator in the poem As promised, I'll post the explanation after hearing at least one interpretation, and since Mistress gave hers, I'll explain it now. -Explanation- He introduced himself as Death (or Grim Reaper) to a girl who was involved in an accident one Sunday Morning (hence the title), but in spite of it, he just looked like a normal guy. The narrator(a girl) was a very depressed person and had always wanted her life to end. The only thing that was stopping her was her subconscious self that actually fears facing death. At that day after the accident, she wasn't aware that doctors were performing surgery on her, but instead she felt like she was trapped in an endless darkness, she ran back and fort but it seemed to be hopeless, that was when she met the guy and asked her a question, "Confused?" He told her he was Grim Reaper and that it would take 3 hours more before the surgery gets completed. He wanted a clear answer from her if she still wanted to live or not after that. The scene ended after she woke up due to her loud alarm clock, she thought everything that had happened was a dream, until she realized that the days were getting a bit fast, skipping some events like lunch or The story revolved around the guy giving hints to the girl about the things she had overlooked in life as she relived some of its moments, until she realized that her life wasn't that miserable after all. They also became good friends after those three hours (but as the girl said, it felt like forever, so what she had relived might not exactly be 3 hours) When she finally woke up, she wasn't able to to see him anymore, but he was there and she knew it. That was then it was shown that he was not Grim Reaper; he was her older brother who died when he was still a baby due to complications and had always been watching over his family. The girl doesn't know anything about his true identity. |
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(edited by Juliet on 10-18-13 11:35 AM)
10-18-13 09:53 AM
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This is one of the longest poems that I have seen in a while. Keep posting more of these because you are going a really good job with these and I want to see more. |
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10-18-13 12:47 PM
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You know, I like that this poem is more enjoyable after I hear the background story. Reading it on it's one was great, I was guessing it was about you having a dream of someone who died... of course I never was close to any of the details of the entire story. I like the following passage: "Remorse for overlooking, Guilt for depreciation, Anger for selfishness." The first time I read it, I had a hard time understand it's place in the rest of the poem, but after reading the story surrounding it, it made a lot of sense. Good job. I like the following passage: "Remorse for overlooking, Guilt for depreciation, Anger for selfishness." The first time I read it, I had a hard time understand it's place in the rest of the poem, but after reading the story surrounding it, it made a lot of sense. Good job. |
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10-18-13 08:12 PM
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I actually got it right? I am so awesome. But actually, I thought it was going to be a love story the first time I scanned through it. When I actually read it, I was like totally caught off guard. But actually, I thought it was going to be a love story the first time I scanned through it. When I actually read it, I was like totally caught off guard. |
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10-22-13 05:20 PM
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Great job on this, I was hooked on this from the very start, this is a very nice poem and I think you are very good at writing them. This poem is long, but it was worth every second reading it, nice job Juliet, it really got my attention and as eniitan said, I think this is really deep. You also had a lot of essential poetic elements in your poem as well, which only make it that much better. Keep up the fantastic work and I am definitely looking forward to checking out your other poems. Keep writing them because you are really good at it! To be honest, I could never right anything as good as this! You also had a lot of essential poetic elements in your poem as well, which only make it that much better. Keep up the fantastic work and I am definitely looking forward to checking out your other poems. Keep writing them because you are really good at it! To be honest, I could never right anything as good as this! |
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