Forum Links
Related Threads
Coming Soon
Thread Information
Views
673
Replies
6
Rating
1
Status
CLOSED
Thread
Creator
Creator
Dragonlord Step..
10-14-13 10:41 PM
10-14-13 10:41 PM
Last
Post
Post
Dragonlord Step..
10-16-13 06:30 PM
10-16-13 06:30 PM
Views: 203
Today: 0
Users: 0 unique
Today: 0
Users: 0 unique
Thread Actions
Thread Closed
New Thread
New Poll
Order
The Blue Raven- A Story in Verse
10-14-13 10:41 PM
Dragonlord Stephi is Offline
| ID: 906120 | 1036 Words
| ID: 906120 | 1036 Words
Level: 51
POSTS: 185/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
POSTS: 185/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
Likes: 1 Dislikes: 0
So I was going through some old files of mine on my computer while stalling working on my Spanish project and found this old novel in verse I wrote about a year ago. I decided, "Hey, I might as well upload it on Vizzed," so here it is. I'm only uploading part of it, since it's very long, but if you like it, please let me know! I might upload some more. As for the ending... I'm not proud of it... it sounds a bit cheesy to me. Oh well. Part I- The Minstrel Who am I, you ask? I am but a boy with a lyre, A tune in his heart, A few tricks up his sleeve, And many tales to tell. How did I come here, you ask? By following the wind's song Over days, months, years, Until I alighted in this grand hall. Why are you here, you ask? The stars have whispered in my ears, The wind took me here... For I have a tale to tell; A tale of love and hope, peace and joy, content and freedom. There is hate and discouragement, War and weeping, greed and shackles. My lord! My lady! Allow me to play a tune Of a blue raven and the Pain it went through. Who am I, but a minstrel, With nothing but a tale to tell? So listen closely to what the stars told me, This musing of the wind. Part II- The Minstrel The Beginning of the Tale- The Prologue The ancient stars and The archaic trees, The wind that has seen millennium pass- They were there. It happened, the stars say, When their light made the night sky As bright as the day. It happened, the trees murmur, When the earth was rich and good, And the wood of the forest was treasured more than gold. It happened, the wind whispered, When it carried a fairy's laugh on its back And the wind was only a gentle breeze And the people didn't know of fearsome gales. In those days the mist was charged with enigma, While Excalibur was still in its lake. The fearsome balaurs and jabberwocks still were romping about, And much questing was done. In those days, heroes roamed and battles were fought. The greatest? Those waged among Steven and Saturn, Sun and moon, Day and night, Light and dark, Bear and bird. Their battles shook the mountains and made the moon blood-red, Though not a single drop was shed. Steven was a conqueror, Who owned many estates. His strength and force could not be matched, For his prowess in battle was great. Saturn was a raven; Her hair, eyes, and coat of arms blue. Her wit and agility was unremarkable, For she had been gifted with cunning. A blue raven! Why call her so? For her hair and eyes; For her speed was so fast she was almost in flight, For her coat of arms, an azure bird. Rivals since childhood, Their quarrels split the ground. Not a kind word could be spoken between them, But nothing too horrendous was done. Yet one cold December day, When the sky and falling snow was gray, A heinous act was committed. Steven was killed, his body gone. My words are not those to tell this tale, For this tragedy is not my own- Nay, the stars told it to me in the words of others, And those words I will speak, for they are true; I am merely he who relays them to you. So listen as this tale unravels, With the utterance of those who witnessed it, The musings of its villains and paladins, As they describe the flight of the blue raven. Part III- Saturn's Confessions To My Father The time has come, Father, To write you once more. Many moons have passed since our last meeting- Too many. Between those moons, Father, I have learned to write. Though this accomplishment Was so easily completed by others, I feel great satisfaction and pride In doing so myself, Having been born with the Rune Eye, In which the letters do not sit still On the page... The time has come for me to tell you How our meeting came to be, And what happened after. Don't worry about me, For I am doing remarkably well; In fact, in some places people have failed To recognize me- An uncommon joy, as you know- And my house, though small, is quaint And comforting. Although I have settled in the Rhiannons themselves, The mountain air is crisp and Wonderful for health, The weather not too mild yet not too harsh. Outside the snow is drifting down, Lazily onto the dirty streets, Washing them clean. Father, I must come to why I am writing, And throughout this letter, I must stress that I am innocent. His blood is not on my hands. My mind is clear of guilt about Steven, For I did not touch him. Steven's death would be-is-my death; Can the moon shine without the sun? Can there be shadows without light? Can the night exist without the day? The eighth of December- that fateful day, My birthday! The day of my life, The day of his death, The day of change. The night was covered in a shroud, Not a heavenly light to be seen. The darkness was so thick one could scarcely breathe As it pushed down on me, Crushing my very being. Silence was a burden on the arcane gloom, The sound of my breath seeming like an intruder. I crept down the hallways of Steven's castle, Taking care to have complete tranquility, Deadening any noise. Steven would never surrender. Nor will I. To give up all I've fought for, Any chance of gaining what I long for, Any small glimmer of hope... That is to surrender. Never! I proposed a treaty- No surrenders, no conditions, Only peace and prosperity. We would have become allies. Years of squabbles, Arguments, fights, suits... It taxed us heavily, Smothering our natures. We were sick of it. Steven was waiting for me, Alone as he promised, So we could discuss fighting with each other- Not against. I was unaware everything was about To change. Part I- The Minstrel Who am I, you ask? I am but a boy with a lyre, A tune in his heart, A few tricks up his sleeve, And many tales to tell. How did I come here, you ask? By following the wind's song Over days, months, years, Until I alighted in this grand hall. Why are you here, you ask? The stars have whispered in my ears, The wind took me here... For I have a tale to tell; A tale of love and hope, peace and joy, content and freedom. There is hate and discouragement, War and weeping, greed and shackles. My lord! My lady! Allow me to play a tune Of a blue raven and the Pain it went through. Who am I, but a minstrel, With nothing but a tale to tell? So listen closely to what the stars told me, This musing of the wind. Part II- The Minstrel The Beginning of the Tale- The Prologue The ancient stars and The archaic trees, The wind that has seen millennium pass- They were there. It happened, the stars say, When their light made the night sky As bright as the day. It happened, the trees murmur, When the earth was rich and good, And the wood of the forest was treasured more than gold. It happened, the wind whispered, When it carried a fairy's laugh on its back And the wind was only a gentle breeze And the people didn't know of fearsome gales. In those days the mist was charged with enigma, While Excalibur was still in its lake. The fearsome balaurs and jabberwocks still were romping about, And much questing was done. In those days, heroes roamed and battles were fought. The greatest? Those waged among Steven and Saturn, Sun and moon, Day and night, Light and dark, Bear and bird. Their battles shook the mountains and made the moon blood-red, Though not a single drop was shed. Steven was a conqueror, Who owned many estates. His strength and force could not be matched, For his prowess in battle was great. Saturn was a raven; Her hair, eyes, and coat of arms blue. Her wit and agility was unremarkable, For she had been gifted with cunning. A blue raven! Why call her so? For her hair and eyes; For her speed was so fast she was almost in flight, For her coat of arms, an azure bird. Rivals since childhood, Their quarrels split the ground. Not a kind word could be spoken between them, But nothing too horrendous was done. Yet one cold December day, When the sky and falling snow was gray, A heinous act was committed. Steven was killed, his body gone. My words are not those to tell this tale, For this tragedy is not my own- Nay, the stars told it to me in the words of others, And those words I will speak, for they are true; I am merely he who relays them to you. So listen as this tale unravels, With the utterance of those who witnessed it, The musings of its villains and paladins, As they describe the flight of the blue raven. Part III- Saturn's Confessions To My Father The time has come, Father, To write you once more. Many moons have passed since our last meeting- Too many. Between those moons, Father, I have learned to write. Though this accomplishment Was so easily completed by others, I feel great satisfaction and pride In doing so myself, Having been born with the Rune Eye, In which the letters do not sit still On the page... The time has come for me to tell you How our meeting came to be, And what happened after. Don't worry about me, For I am doing remarkably well; In fact, in some places people have failed To recognize me- An uncommon joy, as you know- And my house, though small, is quaint And comforting. Although I have settled in the Rhiannons themselves, The mountain air is crisp and Wonderful for health, The weather not too mild yet not too harsh. Outside the snow is drifting down, Lazily onto the dirty streets, Washing them clean. Father, I must come to why I am writing, And throughout this letter, I must stress that I am innocent. His blood is not on my hands. My mind is clear of guilt about Steven, For I did not touch him. Steven's death would be-is-my death; Can the moon shine without the sun? Can there be shadows without light? Can the night exist without the day? The eighth of December- that fateful day, My birthday! The day of my life, The day of his death, The day of change. The night was covered in a shroud, Not a heavenly light to be seen. The darkness was so thick one could scarcely breathe As it pushed down on me, Crushing my very being. Silence was a burden on the arcane gloom, The sound of my breath seeming like an intruder. I crept down the hallways of Steven's castle, Taking care to have complete tranquility, Deadening any noise. Steven would never surrender. Nor will I. To give up all I've fought for, Any chance of gaining what I long for, Any small glimmer of hope... That is to surrender. Never! I proposed a treaty- No surrenders, no conditions, Only peace and prosperity. We would have become allies. Years of squabbles, Arguments, fights, suits... It taxed us heavily, Smothering our natures. We were sick of it. Steven was waiting for me, Alone as he promised, So we could discuss fighting with each other- Not against. I was unaware everything was about To change. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Giving Ged and Eragon a Run For Their Money Since 1998 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Post Rating: 1 Liked By: luv2game!,
10-16-13 01:09 PM
luv2game! is Offline
| ID: 907151 | 8 Words
| ID: 907151 | 8 Words
luv2game!
Level: 22
POSTS: 23/88
POST EXP: 9043
LVL EXP: 52644
CP: 649.5
VIZ: 56349
POSTS: 23/88
POST EXP: 9043
LVL EXP: 52644
CP: 649.5
VIZ: 56349
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Dragonlord Stephi : This was awesome. Enough said. |
Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 03-28-13
Location: Somewhere in America
Last Post: 3329 days
Last Active: 1961 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 03-28-13
Location: Somewhere in America
Last Post: 3329 days
Last Active: 1961 days
10-16-13 01:53 PM
Dragonlord Stephi is Offline
| ID: 907178 | 27 Words
| ID: 907178 | 27 Words
Level: 51
POSTS: 208/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
POSTS: 208/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
luv2game! : Thank you. I thought it was a bit cheesy, but I've always thought everything I write is terrible. Thank you for providing a different opinion. ) |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Giving Ged and Eragon a Run For Their Money Since 1998 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
10-16-13 04:57 PM
Singelli is Offline
| ID: 907258 | 169 Words
| ID: 907258 | 169 Words
Singelli
Level: 161
POSTS: 5501/8698
POST EXP: 1189395
LVL EXP: 53181637
CP: 67335.2
VIZ: 3148028
POSTS: 5501/8698
POST EXP: 1189395
LVL EXP: 53181637
CP: 67335.2
VIZ: 3148028
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
To judge your own work harshly is the bane of every writer, I think. LOL I thought you meant the overall ending was cheesy? Or did you mean this part? I don't really like it when people post with "This was great" and don't really spark conversation, so I'm going to offer a little more. This kind of reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe meets Shakespeare. That's probably a little shallow to say, but it's what I felt while reading the whole thing. That being said, like most people feel about Shakespearean works, it left me confused. I never had the chance to read Shakespeare, but they're classics, right? I bet yours has every bit of promise. XD What is Steven? Is he another bird? Was it stated obviously and I missed it? I wouldn't mind reading more. It's kind of fun to piece things together as you read, and I do love stuff that's pure play with words. When did you write it? Your vocabulary was impressive. I don't really like it when people post with "This was great" and don't really spark conversation, so I'm going to offer a little more. This kind of reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe meets Shakespeare. That's probably a little shallow to say, but it's what I felt while reading the whole thing. That being said, like most people feel about Shakespearean works, it left me confused. I never had the chance to read Shakespeare, but they're classics, right? I bet yours has every bit of promise. XD What is Steven? Is he another bird? Was it stated obviously and I missed it? I wouldn't mind reading more. It's kind of fun to piece things together as you read, and I do love stuff that's pure play with words. When did you write it? Your vocabulary was impressive. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2548 days
Last Active: 2523 days
Singelli |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2548 days
Last Active: 2523 days
10-16-13 05:39 PM
Dragonlord Stephi is Offline
| ID: 907293 | 142 Words
| ID: 907293 | 142 Words
Level: 51
POSTS: 209/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
POSTS: 209/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Singelli : Steven's title is the Black Bear. It doesn' t come up until later. I felt the whole plot was cheesy. I'm thinking of rewriting it; it's mainly the three villains that lend the cheesiness to it, though I didn't like that particular part very much. Shakespeare meets Edgar Allan Poe? Wow. I'm touched. That's... I'm truly honored. I love both of them. They're genuises. Thank you for the critique. It warms me up inside- especially the comment about Shakespeare and Poe. When did I write this? Umm... two years ago, I think. I've added to it a bit, and I have around 180-plus pages of this story, but I feel like it got a little... dumb... after page 120. That's 60 pages I'm going to rewrite... someday. I plan to do it, but I have some other projects I'm working on. I felt the whole plot was cheesy. I'm thinking of rewriting it; it's mainly the three villains that lend the cheesiness to it, though I didn't like that particular part very much. Shakespeare meets Edgar Allan Poe? Wow. I'm touched. That's... I'm truly honored. I love both of them. They're genuises. Thank you for the critique. It warms me up inside- especially the comment about Shakespeare and Poe. When did I write this? Umm... two years ago, I think. I've added to it a bit, and I have around 180-plus pages of this story, but I feel like it got a little... dumb... after page 120. That's 60 pages I'm going to rewrite... someday. I plan to do it, but I have some other projects I'm working on. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Giving Ged and Eragon a Run For Their Money Since 1998 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
10-16-13 05:52 PM
Singelli is Offline
| ID: 907299 | 38 Words
| ID: 907299 | 38 Words
Singelli
Level: 161
POSTS: 5503/8698
POST EXP: 1189395
LVL EXP: 53181637
CP: 67335.2
VIZ: 3148028
POSTS: 5503/8698
POST EXP: 1189395
LVL EXP: 53181637
CP: 67335.2
VIZ: 3148028
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Dragonlord Stephi : Oh, I did see the phrase that mentioned a bear, but I wasn't aware STEVEN was a bear. Sorry about that. XD And 180 pages?! OH MY GOODNESS. I don't know how you do it... wow.... And 180 pages?! OH MY GOODNESS. I don't know how you do it... wow.... |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2548 days
Last Active: 2523 days
Singelli |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2548 days
Last Active: 2523 days
10-16-13 06:30 PM
Dragonlord Stephi is Offline
| ID: 907317 | 137 Words
| ID: 907317 | 137 Words
Level: 51
POSTS: 210/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
POSTS: 210/605
POST EXP: 234371
LVL EXP: 997536
CP: 3272.1
VIZ: 217029
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Singelli : I have too much free time on my hands. Actually, writing is one of my major hobbies. If I had to describe everything I do in my life in a couple of words, it'd be: school, reading, writing, piano, some video games, Christianity. I think I'd DIE without being able to write. I've been doing it since first grade with those little picture-book stories kids like to make. And they're not actually animals. They're people whose coat-of-arms are animals and are called that because of the way they ironically are almost exactly like the symbolism behind the coat-of-arms... it's explained a little after Saturn's meeting with him. Sorry if that didn't come off. You know, that actually brings about a good editing point. If it's ambiguous, I should really pay attention to that while editing. Actually, writing is one of my major hobbies. If I had to describe everything I do in my life in a couple of words, it'd be: school, reading, writing, piano, some video games, Christianity. I think I'd DIE without being able to write. I've been doing it since first grade with those little picture-book stories kids like to make. And they're not actually animals. They're people whose coat-of-arms are animals and are called that because of the way they ironically are almost exactly like the symbolism behind the coat-of-arms... it's explained a little after Saturn's meeting with him. Sorry if that didn't come off. You know, that actually brings about a good editing point. If it's ambiguous, I should really pay attention to that while editing. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Giving Ged and Eragon a Run For Their Money Since 1998 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-27-12
Location: Baltimore, MD
Last Post: 2274 days
Last Active: 4 days
Links
Page Comments
This page has no comments