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What can I do to fix this?
08-15-13 06:44 PM
NordicWarrior is Offline
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Okay so I've been dating my current girlfriend for nearly 7 months now,
and yesterday we got into a huge fight to say the least. She blocked me from facebook, texting, etc, it was bad. I started to ask my "friend" what to do to get her back and he suggested that I blackmail her, so I did, by threatening to spread the pics she sent me if she didn't unblock me. She unblocked me, but now she doesn't trust me at all, and I can understand why...but I didn't mean what I said. I'd honestly never do something like that to her, I only said it because I was freaking out and desperate to have her back. How can I fix this and make her trust me again...I love her so much...she keeps saying I messed things up beyond repair, but there has to be a way... and yesterday we got into a huge fight to say the least. She blocked me from facebook, texting, etc, it was bad. I started to ask my "friend" what to do to get her back and he suggested that I blackmail her, so I did, by threatening to spread the pics she sent me if she didn't unblock me. She unblocked me, but now she doesn't trust me at all, and I can understand why...but I didn't mean what I said. I'd honestly never do something like that to her, I only said it because I was freaking out and desperate to have her back. How can I fix this and make her trust me again...I love her so much...she keeps saying I messed things up beyond repair, but there has to be a way... |
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08-16-13 07:15 AM
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Wow, you blackmailed your GF to unblock you from FB, and then expected that to fix things? I know you know you made a mistake, so I won't go there. I'm now going to be very honest with you, it be hard to swallow, but I was a lot like you at one point. I think you ARE in a difficult spot. The problem is not simply the situation you are in now, but your emotional and personal maturity and independence. You are for to desperate for this girl, you feel her slipping away, and you'll do ANYTHING to get her back... but what you are doing won't get her back. You have to understand a few things: 1. She is her own person, she has every right to be with you, or not. If you care about her, you will let her make her own decisions without coercing her, or trying to manipulate her. She needs to be respected as an individual, not simply YOUR girlfriend. 2. Even if she backs off, it doesn't mean it's permanent. Sometimes girls don't know what they have until they don't have it anymore. Girls are like waves, and their relationships go up and down. 3. Looking desperate is not attractive at all. It looks boyish and not manly. When you start become to controlling, you will drive her away. You have got be let her make her decisions, and show her you want her, but still have self respect. DON'T manipulate your girlfriend, ever, ever. Maybe it's best to cool off, focus on being a strong independent person, who loves a woman, but is not desperate or controlling. Maybe it's best just forget about trying to "fix" things, and just wait a bit. If you both back off for a while, you may notice it's her who wants to get back together again. I'm now going to be very honest with you, it be hard to swallow, but I was a lot like you at one point. I think you ARE in a difficult spot. The problem is not simply the situation you are in now, but your emotional and personal maturity and independence. You are for to desperate for this girl, you feel her slipping away, and you'll do ANYTHING to get her back... but what you are doing won't get her back. You have to understand a few things: 1. She is her own person, she has every right to be with you, or not. If you care about her, you will let her make her own decisions without coercing her, or trying to manipulate her. She needs to be respected as an individual, not simply YOUR girlfriend. 2. Even if she backs off, it doesn't mean it's permanent. Sometimes girls don't know what they have until they don't have it anymore. Girls are like waves, and their relationships go up and down. 3. Looking desperate is not attractive at all. It looks boyish and not manly. When you start become to controlling, you will drive her away. You have got be let her make her decisions, and show her you want her, but still have self respect. DON'T manipulate your girlfriend, ever, ever. Maybe it's best to cool off, focus on being a strong independent person, who loves a woman, but is not desperate or controlling. Maybe it's best just forget about trying to "fix" things, and just wait a bit. If you both back off for a while, you may notice it's her who wants to get back together again. |
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08-22-13 05:56 AM
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You can't fix it. The relationship is over. There's no more trust and that's the end of that. She'll stay with you but only because she's scared you'll leak pics out to people who know her. She's not happy and she never will be with you. Girls, this is why you don't send photos to anyone until later in life. Girls, this is why you don't send photos to anyone until later in life. |
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08-22-13 09:27 AM
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I have to agree with the other 2 replies. This is hard lesson to learn - you can't unsay and undo things. Once these things occur it changes the overall tone of any relationship. Yes, I'm speaking from experience. What I've learned: think carefully about the next thing I say or do - try not to get caught up in the heat of the moment - anger is a secondary emotion and is only a cover for the primary emotion, fear - know when to walk away. Sorry all of this has happened but we all gotta learn what not to do and we only learn through consequence or reward... Sorry all of this has happened but we all gotta learn what not to do and we only learn through consequence or reward... |
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08-25-13 08:39 AM
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sorry dood but that was beyond dumb to listen to your friend about that, apologise and all that jazz and get back on good terms |
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08-25-13 08:41 AM
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Just because you didn't mean it doesn't matter. Threatening your girl friend is really not cool and honestly I think she's right in her reaction to what you did. I'm sorry but I really don't think there's any way to fix that. You did something you seriously shouldn't have and broke her trust instead of waiting for her to calm down and start talking to you again, and trust is very difficult to get back once lost. This time I think it's gone for good, particularly since she's saying you've screwed up too bad repeatedly. At this point it'd be best to apologize sincerely (if you haven't already) and then back off. Seriously, back off. Give her time and space to figure out if it's really over, which I'm pretty sure it is. And in the future don't threaten your girlfriends, that's bordering on some really bad behavior that you don't want to get into. And I hope she's over 18 because otherwise you're not supposed to have those pics anyway. Also I'd consider finding a new friend because if that's his 'good advice' then he has some problems. At this point it'd be best to apologize sincerely (if you haven't already) and then back off. Seriously, back off. Give her time and space to figure out if it's really over, which I'm pretty sure it is. And in the future don't threaten your girlfriends, that's bordering on some really bad behavior that you don't want to get into. And I hope she's over 18 because otherwise you're not supposed to have those pics anyway. Also I'd consider finding a new friend because if that's his 'good advice' then he has some problems. |
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08-25-13 09:45 AM
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Wow dude... First off I think you need to find another person who has better dating advice (hopefully you didn't show the friend the pics). I think we all established that you did something wrong so lets not point out what is obvious. As to what you should do... If you haven't already done so, you should really tear or I'm not saying get down on all 4s and beg her to apologize, but basically tell reinforce her importance in her life. After doing all of that, tell her that she can remove you from facebook, stop texting you, whatever she wants; but that you don't her to completely shun you out of her life as you care about her that much (which is why you said all those how much you mean to me quotes). You going to do this so that she has some control back in the relationship after you seized most of it via the blackmailing. After whatever reaction she gives (most likely she will respond with the "if you love me so much you wouldn't have blackmailed me" quote). Give her time to think about what she wants. Most likely she will remove you from facebook and stop texting you (so you shouldn't do those things ether); just let her decide what she wants. It might take some time, so once in a while check up on her (in person I should point out) and just start out with hellos, how she is doing, how her day is going, etc. Just simple conversations to show that you still care about her. Don't do this often as she is still going to need her space, just do it like once a week or so. By some length of time she will make her decision. This is my advice take it or leave it. Also never really a good idea to have those kind of pictures of her as that could be considered a crime (and if she is over 18, then its a major crime). Wow dude... First off I think you need to find another person who has better dating advice (hopefully you didn't show the friend the pics). I think we all established that you did something wrong so lets not point out what is obvious. As to what you should do... If you haven't already done so, you should really tear or I'm not saying get down on all 4s and beg her to apologize, but basically tell reinforce her importance in her life. After doing all of that, tell her that she can remove you from facebook, stop texting you, whatever she wants; but that you don't her to completely shun you out of her life as you care about her that much (which is why you said all those how much you mean to me quotes). You going to do this so that she has some control back in the relationship after you seized most of it via the blackmailing. After whatever reaction she gives (most likely she will respond with the "if you love me so much you wouldn't have blackmailed me" quote). Give her time to think about what she wants. Most likely she will remove you from facebook and stop texting you (so you shouldn't do those things ether); just let her decide what she wants. It might take some time, so once in a while check up on her (in person I should point out) and just start out with hellos, how she is doing, how her day is going, etc. Just simple conversations to show that you still care about her. Don't do this often as she is still going to need her space, just do it like once a week or so. By some length of time she will make her decision. This is my advice take it or leave it. Also never really a good idea to have those kind of pictures of her as that could be considered a crime (and if she is over 18, then its a major crime). |
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08-25-13 03:38 PM
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Looks like I'm the only female weighing in here and I agree 100% with what the other guys said, especially Oldschool41. Follow his advice exactly. You made an impulsive mistake and it is up to you to make things right the best you can. It seems like the relationship is doomed because once the trust is gone it's hard to even remain friends. You may still love her, but love can dissolve pretty quickly on her end if she feels betrayed. I see you are very young and let me tell you that young love seems very real. However, there can be a much deeper love that comes along later in life for you. You say you had a big fight with her, well there may be someone more compatible with you that you won't fight with at all. That's the kind of mature relationship you want be in, that will last into your adult life. So if she decides to end things for good, don't let it get you down too much. You have so much life ahead of you. Good luck! Looks like I'm the only female weighing in here and I agree 100% with what the other guys said, especially Oldschool41. Follow his advice exactly. You made an impulsive mistake and it is up to you to make things right the best you can. It seems like the relationship is doomed because once the trust is gone it's hard to even remain friends. You may still love her, but love can dissolve pretty quickly on her end if she feels betrayed. I see you are very young and let me tell you that young love seems very real. However, there can be a much deeper love that comes along later in life for you. You say you had a big fight with her, well there may be someone more compatible with you that you won't fight with at all. That's the kind of mature relationship you want be in, that will last into your adult life. So if she decides to end things for good, don't let it get you down too much. You have so much life ahead of you. Good luck! |
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08-25-13 03:45 PM
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Like others have said, you did her wrong. I'm not sure what the first argument is about, but threatening the other person in no way is EVER the right way to go in a relationship.
Having been married and divorced myself, once the trust is gone, it's really hard to get back. Honestly you almost never get it back because there's always the thought in the back of the persons mind that you will do it again. Sorry for your trouble, but it's probably best at this point to apologize (if she will even talk to you) and just give it some time/distance. Having been married and divorced myself, once the trust is gone, it's really hard to get back. Honestly you almost never get it back because there's always the thought in the back of the persons mind that you will do it again. Sorry for your trouble, but it's probably best at this point to apologize (if she will even talk to you) and just give it some time/distance. |
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08-27-13 07:09 PM
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If anything is to work out, mature somewhat before going after her. I don't think there is any hope with her now that you've shown her that you are a person she wants to be with. In order for a relationship to work when you're this possessive, you have to BOTH be this possessive. From what you have stated, this is not the case, and as such her feelings towards you should not be taken as unexpected or unearned. To be honest, your best bet is to at least be called a 'good acquaintance' by this girl. To be honest, your best bet is to at least be called a 'good acquaintance' by this girl. |
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08-29-13 10:25 AM
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NordicWarrior : Any By this time your probably have decided what to do right? Tell us! By this time your probably have decided what to do right? Tell us! |
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09-10-13 05:16 AM
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Light Knight : Well we are still dating, and everything seems to be pretty normal again, which is good. Hopefully I don't make a mistake like that again... |
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09-10-13 05:51 AM
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NordicWarrior : Great. Just remember, don't get to desperate and clingy. Remember she is a person who can chose whatever she wants to do; she has the right to do so without being manipulated or pushed. And if things ever start looking a little worse again, don't panic; love come in seasons, and it won't always be spring. And if things ever start looking a little worse again, don't panic; love come in seasons, and it won't always be spring. |
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09-14-13 06:00 PM
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Light Knight : Ugh...we ended up breaking up today. I'm so depressed.. |
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09-14-13 07:59 PM
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NordicWarrior : That is depressing. Having a girl you like not work out with you is one of the worst feelings in the world. Try to move on, hang out with some guys, and DON'T try to hang on. It doesn't mean you'll never be with her again, but obviously right now isn't the best time. How you making out? That is depressing. Having a girl you like not work out with you is one of the worst feelings in the world. Try to move on, hang out with some guys, and DON'T try to hang on. It doesn't mean you'll never be with her again, but obviously right now isn't the best time. How you making out? |
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09-15-13 01:04 PM
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Light Knight : Honestly I'm not really getting through this very well...I've been depressed since yesterday when she broke up with me and I've barely eaten anything since then...she was the first girl I ever loved and now I've lost her and I don't think I can ever get her back.. |
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09-15-13 02:13 PM
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NordicWarrior : Now I've never dated before and I won't claim to be the Guru of relationships, but maybe having an outside opinion may help you look at things in a different way. Seeing as how you've said you are depressed, I'll tell you what I know about depression. Now, I've suffered from severe depression for as long as I can remember but I never actually realized it until I was about 12-14 (17 now, been some years) so you can see that after realizing, I had a lot to look back on. I've spoken with countless specialists on the matter and learned a great many things. My whole life I've had to deal with depression and I've made it this far so I think I'm doing pretty good. So I'll give you a few tips on how I get through it and I hope that they may help you ease your pain a bit. Firstly, Life is full of chances and opportunities. To seize these opportunities is to move onward in life and to miss them may end you up stuck in the mud. But remember that there will always be more chances and opportunities in the future. Don't get stuck in a ditch over just one piece of life. Secondly, Depression is something that can occur from seemingly nowhere, but there is always Trigger. In your case you have already recognized the trigger so I won't go on about searching for it but I will say that knowing your triggers will help you keep depression at bay. With experience comes knowledge, and knowledge can help control the way we feel. Think about your triggers carefully and you may realize things you didn't before. Lastly, since I don't want to go on preaching forever (Though I probably could continue a little more) I will end on a quote that might help you out. (From a videogame no less) "Life is like Baseball. If you're hitting 30% of the pitches, you're doing great. Don't stress the other 70%" Take from it what you will, and I sincerely hope you can figure this all out and get your life back in order again. Nothing is worse than being stuck and unable to move on, this I can say from experience. Now, I've suffered from severe depression for as long as I can remember but I never actually realized it until I was about 12-14 (17 now, been some years) so you can see that after realizing, I had a lot to look back on. I've spoken with countless specialists on the matter and learned a great many things. My whole life I've had to deal with depression and I've made it this far so I think I'm doing pretty good. So I'll give you a few tips on how I get through it and I hope that they may help you ease your pain a bit. Firstly, Life is full of chances and opportunities. To seize these opportunities is to move onward in life and to miss them may end you up stuck in the mud. But remember that there will always be more chances and opportunities in the future. Don't get stuck in a ditch over just one piece of life. Secondly, Depression is something that can occur from seemingly nowhere, but there is always Trigger. In your case you have already recognized the trigger so I won't go on about searching for it but I will say that knowing your triggers will help you keep depression at bay. With experience comes knowledge, and knowledge can help control the way we feel. Think about your triggers carefully and you may realize things you didn't before. Lastly, since I don't want to go on preaching forever (Though I probably could continue a little more) I will end on a quote that might help you out. (From a videogame no less) "Life is like Baseball. If you're hitting 30% of the pitches, you're doing great. Don't stress the other 70%" Take from it what you will, and I sincerely hope you can figure this all out and get your life back in order again. Nothing is worse than being stuck and unable to move on, this I can say from experience. |
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 05-11-13
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 05-11-13
Last Post: 3713 days
Last Active: 3675 days
09-15-13 07:22 PM
MordecooLol23 is Offline
| ID: 885569 | 34 Words
| ID: 885569 | 34 Words
MordecooLol23
Level: 23
POSTS: 72/103
POST EXP: 9381
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CP: 464.6
VIZ: 10384
POSTS: 72/103
POST EXP: 9381
LVL EXP: 67482
CP: 464.6
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I'm sorry man, but this is a hole that I don't think you can dig yourself out of. I would be surprised if you fix your problem, but I cannot see any solution. Sorry. |
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-14-13
Location: Virginia
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263 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 01-14-13
Location: Virginia
Last Post: 1565 days
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09-16-13 07:01 AM
Light Knight is Offline
| ID: 885740 | 45 Words
| ID: 885740 | 45 Words
Light Knight
Davideo3.14
Davideo3.14
Level: 121
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CP: 11298.8
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POSTS: 1826/3819
POST EXP: 276083
LVL EXP: 19923471
CP: 11298.8
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NordicWarrior : Oh man, I feel your pain. It's like the only thing that you really really want, you don't have. Time heals all wounds, and in time, if you let yourself, you WILL feel better. Just don't jump into any relationship for a little while. It's like the only thing that you really really want, you don't have. Time heals all wounds, and in time, if you let yourself, you WILL feel better. Just don't jump into any relationship for a little while. |
Vizzed Elite
Former Admin
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Registered: 12-08-04
Location: The Internet
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Former Admin
Loyal Knight of Vizzed |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 12-08-04
Location: The Internet
Last Post: 141 days
Last Active: 104 days
09-17-13 02:55 PM
NordicWarrior is Offline
| ID: 886333 | 22 Words
| ID: 886333 | 22 Words
NordicWarrior
Level: 19
POSTS: 43/63
POST EXP: 6064
LVL EXP: 33149
CP: 950.1
VIZ: 13978
POSTS: 43/63
POST EXP: 6064
LVL EXP: 33149
CP: 950.1
VIZ: 13978
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Light Knight : I don't know man...I'm really hurting. She also |
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-01-12
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Last Post: 1312 days
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