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Spinosaurus vs. T-rex

 

04-01-13 09:53 PM
Mia03 is Offline
| ID: 768642 | 1472 Words

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  Hey guys, this is the 1st part of a narrative I had to write for my English class. Please post your comments and any feedback you have. I might need to change it.




Spinosaurus vs. T-Rex



A long time ago, when Earth was still young, there was a war. This war was long and terrible and destroyed much of the land. During this time natural disasters ravaged the land and there was much death. The war was caused by an age-old feud between Spinosaurus and T-Rex. Both sides of the war recruited other types of dinosaurs for their war parties. There was microraptors for scouting from the air, velociraptors for speedy messengers and vicious front-line infantry, ankylosaurs as defenders that can shoot spikes from their tails. But to tell all of this would be to tell of the war itself; rather than the time before the war - - - when Prince Lancaster and Prince York were little hatchlings.



Spinosaurus and T-Rex are some of the largest predatory animals on young Earth, so it makes sense that they and all of their children would be rulers over the lands. However, the parents of Prince Lancaster and Prince York were killed in a thousand year war. Their deaths ended said war, but left the two hatchlings orphans. A barren female Ankylosaurus happened to stumble upon the hatchlings. Not knowing what was inside the eggs she brought them to her den and when they hatched nurtured them as her own. As soon as she saw them hatch she realized that they were the new heirs to the kingdoms of the young world.



“Mama, I’m hungry!” complained Lancaster.



“Did you eat the ferns I gave you?” asked his mother.



“No, because when I was at the river I saw others catching fish and someone made a fish bleed and now I can’t stop thinking of the blood and how the red meat would taste.” stated the young dinosaur.



“I guess those teeth and claws can’t do much with ferns, so how about I take you boys to find some red meat to soothe your craving.” she sighed.



“YAY!!” the young princes shouted.



The hatchlings grew quickly and often went to the river for fish, but as they got older the amount of fish they consumed each day so they went in search of larger prey. When they grew into juveniles they asked their mother why they didn’t look like her even though they had the tendency to act like her; swinging their tails like the way Ankylosaurs do when they attack.



“Well, you are a Spinosaurus,” she said pointing her snout towards Lancaster. “And you are a T-Rex.” she said to York.



“I am an Ankylosaurus. I found you when you both were just eggs in the ruins of two once great kingdoms. The Spinosaurus are the rulers over the realms of Fells, Cyrodiil, and Elsweyr. And the T-Rex are the rulers over the realms of Bruinswallow, Black Marsh, and Morrowind.”



“Who ruled the kingdoms that fell, Mom?” York asked.



“Well, I think you two are now old enough to understand the truth.” their mother said.



“The truth about what?” asked Lancaster.



“About who you two really are,” She started. “You are the heirs to the thrones of the Kingdoms. The ones that fell. Your parents were killed in a thousand year war between the Spinosaurus species and T-Rex species. The castles still stand, but the forests surrounding them were burned down by renegade soldiers who wanted revenge at the royalty. Among the ashes of the forests was a cave that sheltered the both of you as eggs and protected you from the smoke and flames. I believe that your two families knew something was going to happen and that is why they put you there together. They set aside their differences for the good of the lineages.”



“What difference could our parents possibly have that would start a war?” Lancaster asked. The two children were surprisingly calm even through the story of their parents’ deaths.



“It was their beliefs that set them apart from each other. The Spinosaurus family sought truth, while the T-Rex family sought ideals. They destroyed much of the land with their incessant fighting, but set aside their issues when the fire started. Their remains were never found.” concluded their mother.



“I think truth is right.” Said Lancaster.



“That’s obviously wrong, since ideals is right.” Argued York.



“Truth!” yelled Lancaster.



“Ideals!” York yelled back.



“Now boys, remember you are brought together as family through the good intentions of your parents. I want no more fighting between either of you. What you do now will affect you later, but I’ll side with neither of you if you continue the fighting that your parents started when you grow up. And another thing, I do not want you two to go and search for the ruins to your castles. Understand?” said their mother.



“Yes, mother.” They replied sullenly.



“Good. Now off to bed with the both of you.” She said.



“But we aren’t tired yet!” protested York.



“March young man. Now!” she continued.



Soon Lancaster and York were young adults and went on a hunting expedition to bring back the most fresh-kill as they could. But as they were stalking the herds of Fellsdeer, an angry gray storm cloud rolled in. However, no rain fell from this cloud just yet. Lightning raged from the cloud and struck a dead tree and started a fire.



“Do you smell that? Inquired Lancaster.



“Yeah, it smells like smoke.” Answered York.



They looked over at the horizon and gasped in horror as a wave of fire comes rolling down the hill.



“Run!!” Yelled Lancaster.



They ran through the hills and over a stream. Soon after, the clouds opened up and rain poured down hissing as it touched the scorched ground. They took shelter behind the face of a huge rock. They slept fitfully until the rain petered out, but when they woke up the sky was still an angry grey.



“Let’s go look around.” Stated York.



“Yeah I want to see where we are and how long it’ll be till we can get home.” Agreed Lancaster.



They left the shelter of the rock and looked around in wonder. The clouds and mist had cleared away and they saw that they were in the ruins of Spinosaurus castle.



“Wow! It’s my family’s castle.” Said Lancaster instantly awed. “Let’s go check it out.” He continued.



They go ahead and check out the area surrounding the castle. Once they make it inside the two brothers check find the room where Lancaster was to be raised. It was his nursery-to-be.



“This was where I was to be born and raised. This is my house.” Said Lancaster.



 The brothers climbed to the top of the castle and reached the roof of the structure. There was beautiful and lush vegetable and flower gardens crowding the top of the roof.



“I think this was the glass garden always dreamed of having.” Wondered Lancaster.



“I thought we were eggs when we got separated.” Stated York.



“We were, but I could hear my parents’ voices through the egg shell.”



The mist around the top of the castle cleared and they could see a thick dense forest. And in the distance they saw the T-Rex castle.



“We’ve got to go and tell mom that we found our families’ castles.” Said York.



“Yes, we need to get out of here. And we need to kill something so we can say we actually did something.” Continued Lancaster.



They manage to kill two large Fellsdeer bucks and returned home with their kills.



“Where have you two been? I was so worried about the both of you.” Their mother said. “I saw the fire and when you didn’t come back I feared the worst had happened.” She continued.



“We narrowly escaped the fire, running over the hills and through streams to get away, and sheltering ourselves in a small cave. It kind of looked like the same cave you described to us when you told us about our parents’ deaths.” Lancaster explained.



“It seems as though it is still the same cave. Did you two go anywhere else other than that cave.” She wanted to know.



“We did. We went found Spinosaurus castle and explored the inside.” York said.



“I told you not to go into the cave! She exclaimed. “Though it seems that was your destinies all along, that somehow I should have known that being as adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.” She finished giving up.



“Why wouldn't’t you want us to find our castles? What is so bad about following the path that has been laid out for us?” York asked.


   To be continued.......


  Hey guys, this is the 1st part of a narrative I had to write for my English class. Please post your comments and any feedback you have. I might need to change it.




Spinosaurus vs. T-Rex



A long time ago, when Earth was still young, there was a war. This war was long and terrible and destroyed much of the land. During this time natural disasters ravaged the land and there was much death. The war was caused by an age-old feud between Spinosaurus and T-Rex. Both sides of the war recruited other types of dinosaurs for their war parties. There was microraptors for scouting from the air, velociraptors for speedy messengers and vicious front-line infantry, ankylosaurs as defenders that can shoot spikes from their tails. But to tell all of this would be to tell of the war itself; rather than the time before the war - - - when Prince Lancaster and Prince York were little hatchlings.



Spinosaurus and T-Rex are some of the largest predatory animals on young Earth, so it makes sense that they and all of their children would be rulers over the lands. However, the parents of Prince Lancaster and Prince York were killed in a thousand year war. Their deaths ended said war, but left the two hatchlings orphans. A barren female Ankylosaurus happened to stumble upon the hatchlings. Not knowing what was inside the eggs she brought them to her den and when they hatched nurtured them as her own. As soon as she saw them hatch she realized that they were the new heirs to the kingdoms of the young world.



“Mama, I’m hungry!” complained Lancaster.



“Did you eat the ferns I gave you?” asked his mother.



“No, because when I was at the river I saw others catching fish and someone made a fish bleed and now I can’t stop thinking of the blood and how the red meat would taste.” stated the young dinosaur.



“I guess those teeth and claws can’t do much with ferns, so how about I take you boys to find some red meat to soothe your craving.” she sighed.



“YAY!!” the young princes shouted.



The hatchlings grew quickly and often went to the river for fish, but as they got older the amount of fish they consumed each day so they went in search of larger prey. When they grew into juveniles they asked their mother why they didn’t look like her even though they had the tendency to act like her; swinging their tails like the way Ankylosaurs do when they attack.



“Well, you are a Spinosaurus,” she said pointing her snout towards Lancaster. “And you are a T-Rex.” she said to York.



“I am an Ankylosaurus. I found you when you both were just eggs in the ruins of two once great kingdoms. The Spinosaurus are the rulers over the realms of Fells, Cyrodiil, and Elsweyr. And the T-Rex are the rulers over the realms of Bruinswallow, Black Marsh, and Morrowind.”



“Who ruled the kingdoms that fell, Mom?” York asked.



“Well, I think you two are now old enough to understand the truth.” their mother said.



“The truth about what?” asked Lancaster.



“About who you two really are,” She started. “You are the heirs to the thrones of the Kingdoms. The ones that fell. Your parents were killed in a thousand year war between the Spinosaurus species and T-Rex species. The castles still stand, but the forests surrounding them were burned down by renegade soldiers who wanted revenge at the royalty. Among the ashes of the forests was a cave that sheltered the both of you as eggs and protected you from the smoke and flames. I believe that your two families knew something was going to happen and that is why they put you there together. They set aside their differences for the good of the lineages.”



“What difference could our parents possibly have that would start a war?” Lancaster asked. The two children were surprisingly calm even through the story of their parents’ deaths.



“It was their beliefs that set them apart from each other. The Spinosaurus family sought truth, while the T-Rex family sought ideals. They destroyed much of the land with their incessant fighting, but set aside their issues when the fire started. Their remains were never found.” concluded their mother.



“I think truth is right.” Said Lancaster.



“That’s obviously wrong, since ideals is right.” Argued York.



“Truth!” yelled Lancaster.



“Ideals!” York yelled back.



“Now boys, remember you are brought together as family through the good intentions of your parents. I want no more fighting between either of you. What you do now will affect you later, but I’ll side with neither of you if you continue the fighting that your parents started when you grow up. And another thing, I do not want you two to go and search for the ruins to your castles. Understand?” said their mother.



“Yes, mother.” They replied sullenly.



“Good. Now off to bed with the both of you.” She said.



“But we aren’t tired yet!” protested York.



“March young man. Now!” she continued.



Soon Lancaster and York were young adults and went on a hunting expedition to bring back the most fresh-kill as they could. But as they were stalking the herds of Fellsdeer, an angry gray storm cloud rolled in. However, no rain fell from this cloud just yet. Lightning raged from the cloud and struck a dead tree and started a fire.



“Do you smell that? Inquired Lancaster.



“Yeah, it smells like smoke.” Answered York.



They looked over at the horizon and gasped in horror as a wave of fire comes rolling down the hill.



“Run!!” Yelled Lancaster.



They ran through the hills and over a stream. Soon after, the clouds opened up and rain poured down hissing as it touched the scorched ground. They took shelter behind the face of a huge rock. They slept fitfully until the rain petered out, but when they woke up the sky was still an angry grey.



“Let’s go look around.” Stated York.



“Yeah I want to see where we are and how long it’ll be till we can get home.” Agreed Lancaster.



They left the shelter of the rock and looked around in wonder. The clouds and mist had cleared away and they saw that they were in the ruins of Spinosaurus castle.



“Wow! It’s my family’s castle.” Said Lancaster instantly awed. “Let’s go check it out.” He continued.



They go ahead and check out the area surrounding the castle. Once they make it inside the two brothers check find the room where Lancaster was to be raised. It was his nursery-to-be.



“This was where I was to be born and raised. This is my house.” Said Lancaster.



 The brothers climbed to the top of the castle and reached the roof of the structure. There was beautiful and lush vegetable and flower gardens crowding the top of the roof.



“I think this was the glass garden always dreamed of having.” Wondered Lancaster.



“I thought we were eggs when we got separated.” Stated York.



“We were, but I could hear my parents’ voices through the egg shell.”



The mist around the top of the castle cleared and they could see a thick dense forest. And in the distance they saw the T-Rex castle.



“We’ve got to go and tell mom that we found our families’ castles.” Said York.



“Yes, we need to get out of here. And we need to kill something so we can say we actually did something.” Continued Lancaster.



They manage to kill two large Fellsdeer bucks and returned home with their kills.



“Where have you two been? I was so worried about the both of you.” Their mother said. “I saw the fire and when you didn’t come back I feared the worst had happened.” She continued.



“We narrowly escaped the fire, running over the hills and through streams to get away, and sheltering ourselves in a small cave. It kind of looked like the same cave you described to us when you told us about our parents’ deaths.” Lancaster explained.



“It seems as though it is still the same cave. Did you two go anywhere else other than that cave.” She wanted to know.



“We did. We went found Spinosaurus castle and explored the inside.” York said.



“I told you not to go into the cave! She exclaimed. “Though it seems that was your destinies all along, that somehow I should have known that being as adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.” She finished giving up.



“Why wouldn't’t you want us to find our castles? What is so bad about following the path that has been laid out for us?” York asked.


   To be continued.......


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(edited by Mia03 on 04-01-13 09:55 PM)    

04-02-13 09:37 PM
thenoobtester is Offline
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I must say, I liked that story a lot, and find it has a lot of potential. It isn't perfect though, because no story is, so I will go through some of the things I found to be off, and weird, and see if you agree. First the grammatical errors.
  • "... they consumed each day so they went in search of...", there should be some transitioning thing in the middle, so like "they consumed each day was only getting larger, so they went in search of..."
  • "I am an Ankylosaurus. I found you..." You change from 1st person to 2nd person, it should be "You are an Ankylosaurus..."
  • "...calm even through the story of their parents’ deaths...", it shouldn't be through, it should be something like "even though they had just heard the story of their parent's deaths..."
  • " wrong, since ideals is right", ideals are right, not is right.
  • "Now boys, remember you are...", it should either be "...boys, remember, you are..." or "boys, remember that you are..."
  • " ...yet. Lightning raged from..." It would sound more clean if you did "Instead, lightning raged from..."
  • "...and struck a dead tree and started...", instead of doing "and struck a dead tree and started a fire", you should do "...and struck a dead tree. It was lit on fire." or something like that.
  • "...the glass garden always dreamed...", it should be "the glass garden I always dreamed of having"
There are a few others, but they are more minor, and I don't have much time. Now for story flubs that don't work with the rest of the story well
  1.   You skip over a lot of their lives throughout the beginning. They go from hatchlings to adults in about 2 conversations. It could be more fleshed out.
  2.    "“YAY!!” the young princes shouted.", you probably shouldn't mention that they are princes right from the start, since it is better if it is more secret, then revealed later on...
  3.    You tell the reader "Well, I think you two are now old enough to understand the truth.” their mother said", yet later on in the story, you say "...adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.”, implying that she wasn't telling them the truth about anything in a way. It might just be me
  4.    "The Spinosaurus family sought truth, while the T-Rex family sought ideals", truth or ideals in what? There can be truths and ideals in just about any topic.
  5.    “We were, but I could hear my parents’ voices through the egg shell.”, if that is true, then wouldn't they know about all this just from what their parents said around the eggs?
  6.    “We’ve got to go and tell mom that we found our families’ castles.” Said York. “Yes, we need to get out of here. And we need to kill something so we can say we actually did something.” Continued Lancaster. You say this in a way where it implies that York is just going to straight up say the whole truth about how they found the castle, but then they go and get fresh meat so they can "say we actually did something". It seems conflicting.
  7.    "Why wouldn't you want us to find our castles?", yeah, I don't get why since they find the castles, she has to reveal something big. Shouldn't York and Lancaster find something there, and then question their mom about it? It makes more sense, because then she would be forced to reveal it.
   So yeah, those are my criticisms with the story. I still love it, and it has a lot going for it, so I can't wait to read the next part . Hope you get an A on your narrative
I must say, I liked that story a lot, and find it has a lot of potential. It isn't perfect though, because no story is, so I will go through some of the things I found to be off, and weird, and see if you agree. First the grammatical errors.
  • "... they consumed each day so they went in search of...", there should be some transitioning thing in the middle, so like "they consumed each day was only getting larger, so they went in search of..."
  • "I am an Ankylosaurus. I found you..." You change from 1st person to 2nd person, it should be "You are an Ankylosaurus..."
  • "...calm even through the story of their parents’ deaths...", it shouldn't be through, it should be something like "even though they had just heard the story of their parent's deaths..."
  • " wrong, since ideals is right", ideals are right, not is right.
  • "Now boys, remember you are...", it should either be "...boys, remember, you are..." or "boys, remember that you are..."
  • " ...yet. Lightning raged from..." It would sound more clean if you did "Instead, lightning raged from..."
  • "...and struck a dead tree and started...", instead of doing "and struck a dead tree and started a fire", you should do "...and struck a dead tree. It was lit on fire." or something like that.
  • "...the glass garden always dreamed...", it should be "the glass garden I always dreamed of having"
There are a few others, but they are more minor, and I don't have much time. Now for story flubs that don't work with the rest of the story well
  1.   You skip over a lot of their lives throughout the beginning. They go from hatchlings to adults in about 2 conversations. It could be more fleshed out.
  2.    "“YAY!!” the young princes shouted.", you probably shouldn't mention that they are princes right from the start, since it is better if it is more secret, then revealed later on...
  3.    You tell the reader "Well, I think you two are now old enough to understand the truth.” their mother said", yet later on in the story, you say "...adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.”, implying that she wasn't telling them the truth about anything in a way. It might just be me
  4.    "The Spinosaurus family sought truth, while the T-Rex family sought ideals", truth or ideals in what? There can be truths and ideals in just about any topic.
  5.    “We were, but I could hear my parents’ voices through the egg shell.”, if that is true, then wouldn't they know about all this just from what their parents said around the eggs?
  6.    “We’ve got to go and tell mom that we found our families’ castles.” Said York. “Yes, we need to get out of here. And we need to kill something so we can say we actually did something.” Continued Lancaster. You say this in a way where it implies that York is just going to straight up say the whole truth about how they found the castle, but then they go and get fresh meat so they can "say we actually did something". It seems conflicting.
  7.    "Why wouldn't you want us to find our castles?", yeah, I don't get why since they find the castles, she has to reveal something big. Shouldn't York and Lancaster find something there, and then question their mom about it? It makes more sense, because then she would be forced to reveal it.
   So yeah, those are my criticisms with the story. I still love it, and it has a lot going for it, so I can't wait to read the next part . Hope you get an A on your narrative
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04-02-13 10:08 PM
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thenoobtester :    Thank you for your criticisms. I may or may not consider changing it. Here is the well deserved second half of my narrative. I hope I get an A too.

Previously on Spinosaurus vs. T-Rex....


“I told you not to go into the castle! She exclaimed. “Though it seems that was your destinies all along, that somehow I should have known that being as adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.” She finished giving up.


“Why wouldn't’t you want us to find our castles? What is so bad about following the path that has been laid out for us?” York asked.


“I don’t want you two to awaken the feud that has gone unchecked between your ancestors for generations. I don’t want you to ravage the world again because you believe in two different things. Ideals and Truth: You can be the heroes of this war; the hero from the Red Rose and the hero from the White Rose.” She explained.


“Well, I think that if we do start up the fight again, we’ll leave you out of it.” Lancaster said.


“That’s not the point, I don’t want to think of what could have happened if one of my children die because of their beliefs.” She replied.


. . . .Several Years Later. . . .


Mother Ankylosaurus became ill during the harshest winters the Vale and Spirit Mountains had ever seen. She was among many who passed away during this time of sickness because old age had weakened their immune systems.


After this time the brothers Lancaster of the Red Rose and York of the White Rose had become angry and convinced that their actions had led to her death. This anger consumed them and eventually they couldn't’t even stand to sleep in the same den as each other. They knew their friendship couldn't’t last forever because eventually they would have to move out and find families of their own, but now with hearts full of remorse and anger they leave for their castles.


The return of the heirs to the thrones had been announced and word spread throughout the Spirit Mountains and down to the Vale. Dinosaurs came in far and wide from all of the Realms to re-build the castles to their former glory and to be a part of the royal court and to become part of the new kings’ servants.


However, through all of this the brothers still remained angry but they had long since learned to bury their pain at the loss of their mother and to keep moving forward and to keep believing in ideals and truth. Any dinosaurs that wanted to be staff had to believe in either ideals or truth. They remained slightly spiteful of the other brother and often had small little battles against each other. During the most recent of these it became a full-out war against each other because the White Rose members had tried to poison Lancaster and his royal family. Infuriated, Lancaster declared all-out war against the Red Rose and moved his larger army towards the castle of the White Rose.


“York! Get out here right now and fight me like a real dinosaur!” Lancaster raged.


York moved his army out to face Lancaster’s army in a clearing.


“You couldn't’t beat me even if you tried!” York yelled back.


“Charge! Move out!” Lancaster roared the order to his army.


The armies met in the middle with a full-grown Lancaster and York standing atop a hill both glittering in their golden and silver battle armor. At the height of the battle, York realized he was going to lose so he charged into the battle himself and charged straight for his brother.


Seeing that his brother was absolutely mad and turned evil, Lancaster decided that York needed to be destroyed; even though his mother might never forgive him again even in death.


The brothers both had strength and strong jaws on their side, but Lancaster had long arms with wicked claws and height on his side. His brother came at his throat, but didn’t even get close to the life pumping artery that could’ve ended the war once and for all. York didn’t have children or a mate so he is the last one whereas Lancaster has a family.


Lancaster slashed open York’s side with his claws and York stumbled under the blow and the immediate blood loss. In return, he bit open the side of Lancaster, but he showed no signs of giving up.


In the end, Lancaster severed York’s life giving artery and silenced him forever more. His anger had turned him into a blood thirsty monster that couldn't’t ever stop in his quest for vengeance.


“I’m sorry brother, that it had to be this way; but you wouldn't’t have stopped until you had killed ever last living thing.” Lancaster said mournfully.


With the fall of York, both armies stopped fighting and eventually came to an agreement. Lancaster’s family ended up claiming all the lands that York had owned. Lancaster gave the land and castle to the dinosaurs that deserved it; the ones who didn’t partake in the war, and the ones that believed in peace for all in honor of his mother.


 I'm not sure should I end it like this. It was only supposed to be 5 pages but I made it almost 12 pages and have to see if it's okay with the teacher. What if I put in this line: "All is peaceful and Lancaster's family is happy living the blue blood lifestyle. But, what if one of Lancaster's sons is not so happy. What if he believes in truths instead of ideals. He his fate is unknown but it's likely that he would be thrown out if he tried anything considered treason-like. He would be pitted against his own brother, just as Lancaster was with York. However, what would win this time: Truths or Ideals." *Twilight Zone music is heard in the background*
So please tell me what you thought of the second part to my excessively long English narrative. No hurtful criticism like your paper sucked or anything. I need to know what might be wrong without being totally wounded just because someone didn't like the plot to my story. 

thenoobtester :    Thank you for your criticisms. I may or may not consider changing it. Here is the well deserved second half of my narrative. I hope I get an A too.

Previously on Spinosaurus vs. T-Rex....


“I told you not to go into the castle! She exclaimed. “Though it seems that was your destinies all along, that somehow I should have known that being as adventurous as you are that you would one day find your castles. I just hoped it wouldn't’t be this soon.” She finished giving up.


“Why wouldn't’t you want us to find our castles? What is so bad about following the path that has been laid out for us?” York asked.


“I don’t want you two to awaken the feud that has gone unchecked between your ancestors for generations. I don’t want you to ravage the world again because you believe in two different things. Ideals and Truth: You can be the heroes of this war; the hero from the Red Rose and the hero from the White Rose.” She explained.


“Well, I think that if we do start up the fight again, we’ll leave you out of it.” Lancaster said.


“That’s not the point, I don’t want to think of what could have happened if one of my children die because of their beliefs.” She replied.


. . . .Several Years Later. . . .


Mother Ankylosaurus became ill during the harshest winters the Vale and Spirit Mountains had ever seen. She was among many who passed away during this time of sickness because old age had weakened their immune systems.


After this time the brothers Lancaster of the Red Rose and York of the White Rose had become angry and convinced that their actions had led to her death. This anger consumed them and eventually they couldn't’t even stand to sleep in the same den as each other. They knew their friendship couldn't’t last forever because eventually they would have to move out and find families of their own, but now with hearts full of remorse and anger they leave for their castles.


The return of the heirs to the thrones had been announced and word spread throughout the Spirit Mountains and down to the Vale. Dinosaurs came in far and wide from all of the Realms to re-build the castles to their former glory and to be a part of the royal court and to become part of the new kings’ servants.


However, through all of this the brothers still remained angry but they had long since learned to bury their pain at the loss of their mother and to keep moving forward and to keep believing in ideals and truth. Any dinosaurs that wanted to be staff had to believe in either ideals or truth. They remained slightly spiteful of the other brother and often had small little battles against each other. During the most recent of these it became a full-out war against each other because the White Rose members had tried to poison Lancaster and his royal family. Infuriated, Lancaster declared all-out war against the Red Rose and moved his larger army towards the castle of the White Rose.


“York! Get out here right now and fight me like a real dinosaur!” Lancaster raged.


York moved his army out to face Lancaster’s army in a clearing.


“You couldn't’t beat me even if you tried!” York yelled back.


“Charge! Move out!” Lancaster roared the order to his army.


The armies met in the middle with a full-grown Lancaster and York standing atop a hill both glittering in their golden and silver battle armor. At the height of the battle, York realized he was going to lose so he charged into the battle himself and charged straight for his brother.


Seeing that his brother was absolutely mad and turned evil, Lancaster decided that York needed to be destroyed; even though his mother might never forgive him again even in death.


The brothers both had strength and strong jaws on their side, but Lancaster had long arms with wicked claws and height on his side. His brother came at his throat, but didn’t even get close to the life pumping artery that could’ve ended the war once and for all. York didn’t have children or a mate so he is the last one whereas Lancaster has a family.


Lancaster slashed open York’s side with his claws and York stumbled under the blow and the immediate blood loss. In return, he bit open the side of Lancaster, but he showed no signs of giving up.


In the end, Lancaster severed York’s life giving artery and silenced him forever more. His anger had turned him into a blood thirsty monster that couldn't’t ever stop in his quest for vengeance.


“I’m sorry brother, that it had to be this way; but you wouldn't’t have stopped until you had killed ever last living thing.” Lancaster said mournfully.


With the fall of York, both armies stopped fighting and eventually came to an agreement. Lancaster’s family ended up claiming all the lands that York had owned. Lancaster gave the land and castle to the dinosaurs that deserved it; the ones who didn’t partake in the war, and the ones that believed in peace for all in honor of his mother.


 I'm not sure should I end it like this. It was only supposed to be 5 pages but I made it almost 12 pages and have to see if it's okay with the teacher. What if I put in this line: "All is peaceful and Lancaster's family is happy living the blue blood lifestyle. But, what if one of Lancaster's sons is not so happy. What if he believes in truths instead of ideals. He his fate is unknown but it's likely that he would be thrown out if he tried anything considered treason-like. He would be pitted against his own brother, just as Lancaster was with York. However, what would win this time: Truths or Ideals." *Twilight Zone music is heard in the background*
So please tell me what you thought of the second part to my excessively long English narrative. No hurtful criticism like your paper sucked or anything. I need to know what might be wrong without being totally wounded just because someone didn't like the plot to my story. 

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The Shadow Wolf


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04-03-13 07:13 AM
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I liked the second half a lot better, although I didn't comb over it as thoroughly as the last time. I'm just confused about why the "White Rose" and the "Red Rose" even showed up. Couldn't it be "The Spinosaurus Kingdom" and "The T-Rex Empire" or something like that. It seems kind of pointless in the story.
I liked the second half a lot better, although I didn't comb over it as thoroughly as the last time. I'm just confused about why the "White Rose" and the "Red Rose" even showed up. Couldn't it be "The Spinosaurus Kingdom" and "The T-Rex Empire" or something like that. It seems kind of pointless in the story.
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TheNoobTESTER, not ThenoobSTER. Gawd.


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