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Murder In Da Club
07-03-12 07:00 AM
SamB is Offline
| ID: 611667 | 1001 Words
SamB is Offline
| ID: 611667 | 1001 Words
SamB
Level: 52
POSTS: 181/620
POST EXP: 25938
LVL EXP: 1017785
CP: 203.2
VIZ: 19487
POSTS: 181/620
POST EXP: 25938
LVL EXP: 1017785
CP: 203.2
VIZ: 19487
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
I couldn't sleep well last night and kept having weird dreams so I decided to write down the key parts and make them in to a story... First time ever doing something like this but if it goes well maybe Ill make a second part and so fourth. Chapter 1 It was like any other night for Tom the private investigator he has been working on a recent murder case that happened a couple nights ago. The police had to call in all the help the could get for this murder, no evidence left behind, no fingerprints, no shoe prints no nothing just the type of cases Tom always took... The perfect murder. Tom looked through his notes one last time before he called to his assistant/secretory "Cherry can you bring me copies of all the the crime scene photos? There has to be something we missed." " No problem boss", replied cherry " But I gotta ask its a Saturday night shouldn't you be home with Cindy and Hank?" " No point, she took the kid and left me this morning... she said she was tired of me working all these long hours and never spending time with her or the boy" Cherry rolled her eyes and said " it's none of my business boss but maybe she's right!" with that she dropped the copies of the pictures off on toms desk and walked back to hers. Tom kept thinking to himself " there has to be something we missed, there is no such thing as the perfect crime". The murder victim was an 26 rapper fresh out of California. The kids name was Nick Fox but went by his stage name SamB, he moved to the Big apple when he got a record deal with YKG the biggest name in music right now. As Tom looked over the pictures one last time he noticed something in the kids neck.. A smeared lipstick mark, could this be a calling card of the murder? Or was there some type of funny business going on before the kid had his throat slit in a back alley of a local bar? Tom called out to his secretary cherry " hey cherry where was the last place our boy Sam here was seen?" Cherry replied back with a hint of disgust in her tone "He was at the local Strip Joint the Ace of Spadez" A smile formed on Tom's lips as he said "I think were gonna have to go visit my friend Dante at the spadez." "This better be for business and not pleasure Tom" Cherry quickly replied. The next morning Tom and cherry went to the Ace of Spadez to talk to the owner Dante, as they pull up to the club cherry says "I really hate this place.. Brings back a lot of horrible memories.", Tom laughed and said "Come on I thought you enjoyed your Mom's bring your daughter to work day" "Haha very funny!" replied cherry as she punched Tom in the arm " lets just get this over with." When Tom and cherry entered the club it was empty except for Dante the owner and Detective Spark Clinton, a local police investigator and long time rival to Tom. Tom thought to himself " Darn I thought I was the only one who noticed that lipstick mark.. This investigation just got interesting again." Tom and cherry walked over to the two men. When Dante noticed cherry he let out a laugh and said "Well isn't White magnitudes daughter cherry" " Don't call my momma white magnitude, she doesn't work for you anymore and besides she's dropped all the weight." "Anyways" Tom butted in " we're here about the murder of the young rapper.. He was last seen here before he was..." "Look I'm gonna tell you what I just told this bloke of an officer I DONT KNOW NOTIN!" screamed Dante. " well if your not gonna tell us anything maybe one of your dancers will, Which of your girls was with Sam last night?!?" Said detective Clinton in a frustrated voice. "hahaha the boy was rich! All my girls were on him trying to catch a nice tip from him if you know what I mean." Tom was getting Impatient "look" he said "Just let us talk to your girls so we can get some information and get out of this hell hole!" "No need to be rude!" Dante said with a chuckle "there in the back dressing room" The two detectives and the assistant walked past the club owner and into the back dressing room. As the three investigators went though the doors to the dressing room they started choking on the smells of cheap perfume and wal-mart Liquor. "UGH this smell is awful!" complained cherry. "You get used to it.." replied one of the dancers as she walked past them. "We need to ask you girls some questions!" shouted Detective Clinton "We need to know which of you ladies was dancing for the Rapper known as SamB last Thursday night before he was killed." three of the six women stepped forward "We were with him that night... What are we getting blamed for his murder?!?" replied one of them "Cool it honey." replied Tom "we're just here to get some info" the girls told the invigilators who they were and how long they were with sam. "According to the dancer named LuLu, there is another girl with him that night that hasn't come into work these past couple of days" Cherry announced. "Well whats the girls name?" asked Tom."her name is Wanda "The highlighter" Bone... Don't ask me how she earned the nickname!" replied Cherry. "well" said detective Clinton " I think we found our next clue." End of chapter 1. What do you guys think? worth finishing or should i just scrap the idea? The grammar might be a little bad since i made this off of no sleep and at 4am ha ha. Chapter 1 It was like any other night for Tom the private investigator he has been working on a recent murder case that happened a couple nights ago. The police had to call in all the help the could get for this murder, no evidence left behind, no fingerprints, no shoe prints no nothing just the type of cases Tom always took... The perfect murder. Tom looked through his notes one last time before he called to his assistant/secretory "Cherry can you bring me copies of all the the crime scene photos? There has to be something we missed." " No problem boss", replied cherry " But I gotta ask its a Saturday night shouldn't you be home with Cindy and Hank?" " No point, she took the kid and left me this morning... she said she was tired of me working all these long hours and never spending time with her or the boy" Cherry rolled her eyes and said " it's none of my business boss but maybe she's right!" with that she dropped the copies of the pictures off on toms desk and walked back to hers. Tom kept thinking to himself " there has to be something we missed, there is no such thing as the perfect crime". The murder victim was an 26 rapper fresh out of California. The kids name was Nick Fox but went by his stage name SamB, he moved to the Big apple when he got a record deal with YKG the biggest name in music right now. As Tom looked over the pictures one last time he noticed something in the kids neck.. A smeared lipstick mark, could this be a calling card of the murder? Or was there some type of funny business going on before the kid had his throat slit in a back alley of a local bar? Tom called out to his secretary cherry " hey cherry where was the last place our boy Sam here was seen?" Cherry replied back with a hint of disgust in her tone "He was at the local Strip Joint the Ace of Spadez" A smile formed on Tom's lips as he said "I think were gonna have to go visit my friend Dante at the spadez." "This better be for business and not pleasure Tom" Cherry quickly replied. The next morning Tom and cherry went to the Ace of Spadez to talk to the owner Dante, as they pull up to the club cherry says "I really hate this place.. Brings back a lot of horrible memories.", Tom laughed and said "Come on I thought you enjoyed your Mom's bring your daughter to work day" "Haha very funny!" replied cherry as she punched Tom in the arm " lets just get this over with." When Tom and cherry entered the club it was empty except for Dante the owner and Detective Spark Clinton, a local police investigator and long time rival to Tom. Tom thought to himself " Darn I thought I was the only one who noticed that lipstick mark.. This investigation just got interesting again." Tom and cherry walked over to the two men. When Dante noticed cherry he let out a laugh and said "Well isn't White magnitudes daughter cherry" " Don't call my momma white magnitude, she doesn't work for you anymore and besides she's dropped all the weight." "Anyways" Tom butted in " we're here about the murder of the young rapper.. He was last seen here before he was..." "Look I'm gonna tell you what I just told this bloke of an officer I DONT KNOW NOTIN!" screamed Dante. " well if your not gonna tell us anything maybe one of your dancers will, Which of your girls was with Sam last night?!?" Said detective Clinton in a frustrated voice. "hahaha the boy was rich! All my girls were on him trying to catch a nice tip from him if you know what I mean." Tom was getting Impatient "look" he said "Just let us talk to your girls so we can get some information and get out of this hell hole!" "No need to be rude!" Dante said with a chuckle "there in the back dressing room" The two detectives and the assistant walked past the club owner and into the back dressing room. As the three investigators went though the doors to the dressing room they started choking on the smells of cheap perfume and wal-mart Liquor. "UGH this smell is awful!" complained cherry. "You get used to it.." replied one of the dancers as she walked past them. "We need to ask you girls some questions!" shouted Detective Clinton "We need to know which of you ladies was dancing for the Rapper known as SamB last Thursday night before he was killed." three of the six women stepped forward "We were with him that night... What are we getting blamed for his murder?!?" replied one of them "Cool it honey." replied Tom "we're just here to get some info" the girls told the invigilators who they were and how long they were with sam. "According to the dancer named LuLu, there is another girl with him that night that hasn't come into work these past couple of days" Cherry announced. "Well whats the girls name?" asked Tom."her name is Wanda "The highlighter" Bone... Don't ask me how she earned the nickname!" replied Cherry. "well" said detective Clinton " I think we found our next clue." End of chapter 1. What do you guys think? worth finishing or should i just scrap the idea? The grammar might be a little bad since i made this off of no sleep and at 4am ha ha. |
Trusted Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-21-12
Location: Texas
Last Post: 4130 days
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| Things that go bump in the night...Me... SamB |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-21-12
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07-03-12 02:27 PM
mlb789 is Offline
| ID: 611934 | 61 Words
mlb789 is Offline
| ID: 611934 | 61 Words
mlb789
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LVL EXP: 8363071
CP: 9481.4
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POSTS: 613/2461
POST EXP: 121229
LVL EXP: 8363071
CP: 9481.4
VIZ: 238838
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A few things. One, whenever you start a quote, you should start it in a new paragraph, and then start a new paragraph after it. This is a trick I learned from my 7th grade Language Arts teacher, and it helps people read your posts better. Also, I would make the first paragraph shorter, but that is just up to you. |
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| Winner of the 2011-2012 and 2013-2014 Vizzed Fantasy Football League! Member of the Fighting Mongooses, the 2012 Vizzed Camp Champions. |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
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07-03-12 03:01 PM
SamB is Offline
| ID: 611964 | 11 Words
SamB is Offline
| ID: 611964 | 11 Words
SamB
Level: 52
POSTS: 188/620
POST EXP: 25938
LVL EXP: 1017785
CP: 203.2
VIZ: 19487
POSTS: 188/620
POST EXP: 25938
LVL EXP: 1017785
CP: 203.2
VIZ: 19487
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Alright Ill do those things next time, thanks for the feedback. |
Trusted Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-21-12
Location: Texas
Last Post: 4130 days
Last Active: 3693 days
| Things that go bump in the night...Me... SamB |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-21-12
Location: Texas
Last Post: 4130 days
Last Active: 3693 days
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