Note: This is the 'epic poem' [huge], where two poems I wrote interlink: the first half deals with the guilt the narrator feels for basically loving two people at the same time, but one of them feels betrayed and can't take the pain, either way, so they make the narrator decide who to choose, leaving them in a hard situation, eventually, the lover leaves, causing dismissal guilt. The second half, however, there's a development: new knowledge, the knowledge that the lover was not all that they seemed to be. So, the narrator makes the decision: to erase them from their memory.

Enjoy!

[S|R]

* * *

Dear fading memory,

I write this to you so that it can be locked into the void in my mind,
This is a final goodbye, and the last of the sorrow and pain.
I know you won’t ever look back and read this, so to me it’s like an old photograph
That I can refer to whenever I come to an end of something beautiful.
I won’t dwell on the negative, but maybe the positive;

You taught we extraordinary strength, a better understanding,
You taught me wit and new knowledge that I never dreamed of knowing,
You taught me to follow what the reality of your heart tells you,
You taught me that when we come upon a fork road path, we have to make a decision;
One that requires your heart and mind, and some time to just reflect over the memories,
And you have to think, it’s time to pick your next stop.

I remember you listing every single song you could for each artist,
Showed how dedicated you are to your love of music –
The Queen of Music... That’s how I’ll remember you, listening to certain songs –
I’ll never forget you.

It’s like everyday I’m looking over my shoulder to see if you’re still behind me,
But as I walk further away from you to free you from the pain,
You never seem to disappear out of sight.
Though my sight will never be perfect, but I can see your glistened eyes from afar
And the trickle of your final, drying tear sails down your cheekbone.

It’s too late to apologise... OneRepublic were right.
Though I have tried – but sorry would not satisfy your passionate seeking answer.
It was never enough because you saw more in me, and you needed more.
You or her, there was no true choice – you were telling me something –
So I think you were.
Maybe you were asking me that to put me in such a situation to warn me,
To tell me – you can’t have it both ways – to stray me away from you,
Because the pain’s killing you – and is it still?
I choose not to know, yet myself in pain knowing we can’t be friends.
In pain, knowing what happened, what we spoke about,
It’s become such an impact, I considered at that time to erase you from me.
The words you spoke were the pain I put upon you – you shot right back at me.
And I felt it... deeply...

The tears I cried on that day we fought, it was heartbreaking.
Reasoning; perhaps was that, though I lost you, I lost a friend I did care in that right matter.
That poem I wrote where I said things you thought I meant towards the end;
Dear sweet fading memory... it was reversed...
Those lines were made to look like that to show what you were making me seem like.
I wrote those lines specially to prove to you the blindness we both don’t seem to see through.

I do care for you; I still cherish you, in my memory and heart,
My mind and soul – there you still stand whenever I look over my shoulder.
But you don’t want that, you can’t have that.

* * *

In the hallway, fierce flames curse at the wretched burnt walls,
There, I waited for you here and there, knowing you’d take my calls,
Those desperate pleas for an ear to absorb my troubles,
Angry and crippled, heart-sickened stumbles
Of my endearing fickle complaints,
That very one you call a restraint…

For a while we wrote a short novel,
We fussed and tethered, all the grovel,
Despite my word of another story,
Much longer than our regretted glory,
You listened well, but you cackled so smugly,
I had to close our short novel quickly,
For our little glory’s shine blackened,
Why did I ever seek security with you?

While your disappearances became a routine,
My lingering for your nimble ear soon deemed
Long gone, yet still, they cascaded whenever a crack ceased the wall,
Temptation would always seep through in between falls.

Time held me well, while you disappeared without a trace
In the vendetta of frustrated fallacies, I fell out of place,
While impatience grew hungry for your dexterity,
I concluded to channel through to fight reality,
For other ears, my tales of ache soon became irritable emotions,
Silent, but the foundation of devotion
Withered slowly.

Time still held me well, but then you surfaced again steadily,
By the gunfire of temptation, I aimed at you hastily,
I fired questions of feverish ‘where have you been’(s),
But the bullets didn’t seem to break your seams,
Something in your eyes had hardened you,
The way you acted also seemed different too,
I tried charm and wit to enlighten that darkness,
But the heavy energy still remained flawless,
Nothing softened the cement of your mind,
Even within the kind.

My temptations balanced, going back and forth,
Battling my angels and demons, betting to be caught,
I question for many, what drew this heart-sickening disaster?
Little whispers from innocent walls say I could now master
Such the deepest and unlawful sort of crime,
There I stood; knowingly I’d stand in my own grime,
But with the provision of permanent hands,
I fell and melted to the lying demands,
From which I composed a pathetic piece of poetry,
Moronic and spiteful, you took no hesitation to correct
Every word and verse,
Stripping me down once again into the perfect enemy.

So time matured, and so did our fights,
I’d lie in bed, in those restless nights,
Rolling the dice over and over again,
Just to see what would become of us then,
But every roll came with a price; I left the door wide open,
To pure honesty and little white lies,
I called several bluffs to the destructive battles and cries,
My poker face played well,
But suspicions continued to dwell,
My guilty hold would soon tremor and crumble,
Under the interrogation, I’d mumble:
Nothing’s going on,
Yet my angels knew well, I was wrong.

I remember when I fell into your chamber,
You asked; it’s me or her,
Such a difficult decision, but I knew there was more,
For such a simple sentence, I knew you were trying to lure,
But I disappointed your tasteful dexterity and chose her,
Your oceans twisted and turned,
There you left me a lesson learnt,
But there the side stories didn’t end,

You tried to break my happiness,
But hated to hear about my sadness,
Thus you steered me into letting it be,
I misunderstood this, in hope to gain back some light,
I used your advice, but I didn’t take the let it be might,

They say love conquers all,
But that was just it,
You gave up on me because of my stupidity,
Tired and sick of my complaints, my unhappiness,
So you disappeared some more,
And our novel was beginning to sober,

Word of our fighting held on tightly as I came to a decision…
Weakened by our penniless battles,
The cut between the yes and no saddles,
I fell into a sudden collision,
With the label ‘suspicion’
Stapled to my forehead,

Our final chapter slowly tip-toed into summer,
And finally the fights were going down under,
We broke the foundations of friendship,
We gave up on our venting companionship,
Sick with the fatigue of the adored voice,
I finally decided in an essay my choice,
You replied, but second to last,
There was no more plastered cast,
It was time to cut you out, rip you out of my life,
Freeing me from two world’s strife
But you were seemingly frustrated, disappointed,
And from there, I questioned your disjointed
Reaction; angered by my choice, in your words
To ‘please’ her because of the ‘venting’ curse,
No, she was right; I would be better off without you,
From there, I knew it was true.

As a close friend, I said that I loved you, and that this was goodbye,
It was time to move on and focus on my future in life,
Our friendship was fine, but our sins were far too great,
That it would sooner or later bring us to our fate,
No longer did my temptations long for your nimble ear,
No longer would I hold our fair memories near,
I fell and melted,
But the consequences belted,

I was a sucker for your vulnerable past,
I felt like I could’ve been a hero,
Yet, I was so pathetic and useless,
Abusive and intrusive,
I destroyed not only a whole world, but a place I called home,
Somewhere I really belonged,
Without you.

I was pained by your disappearances,
But I knew that this would lead to the consequences,
Our short novel would soon be opened and read,
The secrets and whispers all unthread,
Your ways of bulls*** and gloat,
Of things that you maximized by the throat,

Nothing more could exceed this level of triumph!

So here I am, writing you a goodbye poem,
Useless and pathetic, but all the more,
I couldn't care less now that you’re gone,
This poem speaks for itself,
Admits more to the eye,
For I stand over you now,
With the angels’ tears drenching my skin,

This poem exceeds in the truth,
The lies, the b*llsh*t for some of us pitied you for,
But would this even gather the dust of your dexterity?

Never…

…Because this poem will never, ever, reach you.

Sad fatality for the narrator. Forced to choose, the dilemma was so painful for him...

I didn't lie last time, man: your style is so closed to Baudelaire's style. The new Baudelaire... it fits perfectly with your own style of writing. Keep it up, man

You are really good at poems!  I could never do what you do.

I have to admit I was lost at first but by the end everything came together.  Very nice work my friend!

I'm glad you guys thoroughly enjoyed this monster! :]