Going through my old files, I haven't written any poems/stories in English for ages and I found some now, dating back to 2006.
I'm not quite sure why I wrote this, the motivation, but seems as I felt pretty crap about myself.
I am not religious, so the choice of words is just a choice of words, trying to express some emotion.

the paying hour - I won't escape.
facing what I have done.
I have regrets, but it's too late -
a sin is what I've become.

the price of living the way I have
is more than my life is worth.
my point for living, still hangin on
to the branches - will I fall to dirt?

a simple thought I had in mind
turned out to be a trap.
now way to solve it, try to find
a way to rewind me back.

where's my button of restart?
is human soul irreversible?
remorse more often is just invisible.

my paying hour - I won't escape.
facing what I have done.
regrets come running, yet too late -
a sin is what I've become.


EDIT: and this must have been my first heartache haha

so many times we broke down in an argument
over a bottle
over the restlessness we bring
onto each other

i'm looking at your looking gaze
are you
trying to find me
or
just trying to find a way past me?

then you leave
for months i'm out
of feeling
of warmth
only in for another round
of being mean
being devastated

then i get better
i always do
finally

and finally
you come back
ALWAYS

and everything starts over again

i tell myself at every departure
and every coming back
that
i don't care
but i do

how do you just stop loving someone?

i ought to ask you that
you seem to know