I already was a Christian for years, but I got into tons of depressions, and well... Let's just say suicide and other things made me not feel like God would want a thing to do with me. I'm struggling with depression again, and even cried myself to sleep last night. I had no where else to turn, as every choice I had could mean bad things. I just decided to let God help out. Not sure if this will even work out, as God even knows I'm so fickle.

Yes, I asked God if I could still like all the things I liked. He said yes. I'm not lying. I was shocked, and amazed by that. I can hear what God says, and may be wrong about it. I was once very close to God, but withered from the whole thing as my depression started to turn the relationship with God into just me asking God to kill me. I asked God that everytime I prayed. I still do, sadly... I'm in a well-adjusted family, so no, that is not the reason. The reason for these depressive problems is very hard for me to understand. Depression is very common in the family. Sadly, for me, I get the bad end of the stick, and like usual, I have pretty severe problems when it comes to depression.

I'm still ashamed of my existence for all the harm I've done to myself, but I'm giving God another try. Just to see if anything will change. If I will be able to laugh without knowing if all I really feel in reality is the need to be okay. I just want support in a time when all my support I can think of can lead to things I fear...

Sorry if this was depressing. Just feel like I need to share it. I'm pretty much coughing up blood spiritually, which is just the same as withering again.

Praying for you that God would give you comfort and peace as you struggle through these thoughts. You have people here that you can talk to if there is any need or help.

There is one thing though...I don't think the mentality of being a Christian is to "give God a try" like as if this is a product tryout, and if it does not support your needs, you can just leave. Jesus Christ is Lord no matter one believes in Him or not, and being a Christian is not a "halfway in, halfway out" type of thing

But know that God's love is never-ending, and He will still be there even if we have gone astray, He is still there, waiting for you to come and experience His love. Come as you are, no matter how much feel bad about yourself or however you think God thinks of you, God opens up to anyone who just come as you are, and just surrender your trust to Him. For He wants to love you.

Well I'm a Unitarian Universalist, but I am beginning to believe in God again myself. So I guess I am in the middle between atheistic UU and Christian UU. I don't know what to believe anymore.

But it's nice to hear that you may be converting back to christianity. personally, I don't know if I could really do that myself at this point. My religion is just too open minded and right it feels.

play4fun : Thanks for the comforting words. I'm not really giving anything a try, just feel that there's nothing else I can do, and God's the only way I can get help without any backfires.

I truly don't know what I should believe in. Never did. I just chose what I felt was right for me. I'm not trying to be half and half. My taste in music may say different, but stuff like bands with lyrics about Satan actually have helped me with at least trying to believe God has some care or exists. It really hard to explain... I just feel more love of God when I listen to stuff like Slayer. I don't like Slayer, but that's the only example of what types of bands I mean when it comes to lyrics.

KlawedFlaw :
No need to apologize my friend… It is good to talk about your problems and you shouldn’t feel guilty about venting. I do know what it feels like to question whether or not God is listening. I am a catholic who does not go to church as I prefer a one on one relationship with god. Sometimes I get frustrated with the daily struggles of life. This year in particular has been very difficult for me on several levels both professionally and personally.

The way I deal with it is to simply ask god for assurance that he is watching out for me and mine and that things will eventually turn for the better. I think some people expect the snap of the fingers kind of quick fix. I realize that some things take time and I try to maintain an optimistic attitude though it is not always easy. God came through for me years ago when I was sick and thought that something really was wrong with me so from that point I have had a one on one relationship with the man upstairs.

The good thing about it is it made me a better person and although I do not go to church and choose not to judge anyone else’s beliefs or how they live, I feel much better spiritually than I ever was before I was sick. It is difficult sometimes because there is much hypocrisy and far too many judgmental people in the world. I just prefer a one on one relationship with God.

I have said several times to family that I do not know what depression is… I do know that this year I have been down far more than I should be but I attribute that to stress and not necessarily what one would call a depression. I have been through several things in life that were depressing but I can’t categorize it as a depression. You should never feel bad about crying or talking to someone though.

There is absolutely no shame in crying, it is a human quality to be able to let your emotions out. It is people that for what ever reason can’t let their emotions show or simply choose not to and to bottle everything up that I worry about. Sometimes the stresses of everyday life are too much for one person to take on alone. You need people you can lean on and talk to for support.

I’m sure that what ever is bothering you that there is someone close to you that you may be able to talk to. Please try and keep your head up though I know it can be challenging at times. Just remember to think positive and good things will eventually happen. Best of luck to you my friend.

KlawedFlaw : Glad to hear you're saved. I to am shocked that he would allow an interest in darkness. And about the depression thing, I know what its like to be severely depressed. To just wanna die. Depression has a history in my family as well as me. I to am very depressed. You should be comforted to know that God loves you like royalty. Give you're pain to God, he'll deal with it. Sometimes that can be a slow process and sometimes it can be fast. Don't make the mistake that I did which was thinking God wasn't there. In reality it was the devil feeding me that bull, and I doubted God and it just made me feel more alone. So remember when you feel that he isn't there, just remember where those thoughts come from and know its an illusion and tell the devil to go away. He'll listen to you if you make him. Overall congrats on being saved, And always go to God about the depression, he'll deal with it if you let him.

Hoochman : I already am saved... I was saved when I was 11. I just happen to have a different mindset from a lot of Christians. I'm always wanting to know what's out there, and what is the point of anything.

I'm not really too shocked that God would be cool with someone liking dark things. I mean, God used the dark things for good towards me. Why would God make us, but not make a diverse spectrum of people. God loves all, and doesn't say to be for one part of the day. The darkness is the light for some.

KlawedFlaw : God can use anything to bring you to him. What do you mean by dark things? Are you still talking the interests in the dark arts and dark music?

Hoochman : I mean the media.

glad to see you've converted back. Hopefully you stick with it better this time. I find for myself that if I'm not regularly reading scripture and praying that my resolve to be a good person is lessened. I think spending time every day with the things of God is essential. A short visit to church on sunday isn't enough in my opinion. There are so many evil things bombarding us on a daily basis that we need a recharge every day in order to stay the course.

geeogree : So, you mean we shouldn't recharge ourselves with Energizer chargers? Awesome! Rayovac is better, anyway.

KlawedFlaw - Hey you know, I often feel discouraged and depressed. Almost on a daily basis. I know that it's difficult to stay strong in the Lord; every Christian has the battle in some way or another. I find it encouraging to know that even in our unfaithfulness, He remains faithful. I've found a scripture to relate this, Philippians 1:6, "And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again."

When you are discouraged, remember that God won't give up on you. He promises to finish the work he has begun. When you feel distressed by your shortcomings, remember God's promise and provision. Don't let depression rob you of the joy of knowing Christ or keep you from growing closer to him. He always pulls through in his timing.

There have been a lot of times when I was so overwhelmed with everything that I didn't see a way out, except to remember this, Hebrews 10:23, "Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise."

If your depression is a daily thing it´s possible you have major depressive disorder, and if you have that I would strongly recommend Antidepressants, a psychological disorder is nothing to take lightly and you should not think it´s something that can be cured with faith alone, antidepressants won´t cure it but there is a therapy that is called Electroconvulsive therapy that can cure the disorder but there are risks involved with the therapy so some just go for antidepressants.

In any case, be it that you just have a temporary depression or major depressive disorder, I hope you will get well before you do something harmful to yourself.

Ellert : I take anti-depressents. It comes with my Asberger's, anxiety, and ADHD.

KlawedFlaw : When I was really depressed, I tried something new. I stopped talking to this young lady (who I let cause me so many problems) that I had fallen for, and, I tried to rekindle old ties. One day I just decided to sit by an old friend in the cafeteria and things went from there. We both were not in a good place at the time and we both related to each other because we had similar problems. From that one day we both came to the conclusion that this one person (different "lady") was exacerbating the troubles that we were experiencing. Funny how a mutual dislike (even hate) of someone can re-spark a friendship. Now I can say that she is one of the few people in this world that I can call a best friend.

Sometimes you just need a change of scenery, a new friend, maybe a hobby. For me, the most important thing was to value my friends and family, but, also that I need to be independent. I don't see anyone anymore. I don't have any new friends in college. Yet, I am happy. I don't even like many people in my school, I'm not even liking one of the classes for my major. However, I know that if I do my work, go to school knowing that the most important thing is to learn, and just think positive for the future, I will be all right.

I'm not a psychologist or anything, I'm not saying that what works for me will work for you, however, I'm not so sure that you should just turn back to religion if you have doubts.

NotJon : I'm not turning back to religion fully yet. I feel too confused right now, and just wanna learn more before I go into something. You must know what you're getting into. For example, I'm a fan of death metal. I research iffy bands. To enjoy a band like Mortification, in my case, I must only have the early stuff. I can't enjoy a band if I listen to the stuff where they go downhill.

That out of the way, I'm just trying to get through life for now. My mom is planning to rearrange my room, though. Just for convenience, though. I do plan to take down a few posters, and replace them with Iron Maiden, Immortal, and other heavy metal band posters. Maybe put up an anime poster if I find a cool Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood one. Or maybe a South Park poster. Man. My room will be so sinful.

I mostly just use a sense of humor to get through my horrid feelings. If that doesn't work... Violence! I pop in a Ratchet and Clank game, or Silent Hill 2 sometimes. I also may play the 32X ROM I have of Doom. All these games are great for relief of depressive feelings. I might just be a little violent. Who knows. Oh well. Shooting dead monsters, and scaring myself to the point of crying is fun. Oh, and so are explosions.

I also use horror fiction in general to help. Watching South Park is helpful for me, as well. The most helpful method is... wait for it... Learning! I watch Youtube videos all about game consoles, and feel happy.

I also talk to my guild on Runes of Magic if they're on. The most talkative people are rarely on, but when they are... Yeah. You can imagine what happens. I'm often saying how I just got tons of a certain material or something.

That's very wise. However, I find that the best way to making myself happy is with a clear mind, some self-confidence, and a dash of friends/family/music/art/baseball/internet/etc.

Up top dude! Another one for the kingdom of God! Well I am always super psyched to hear about people coming back too or for the first time to Christianity. This is always super awesome and I am glad to hear that. Never being depressed I did not have to deal with those problems, but my faith has been tried many times. Including a guy with a knife cutting my face for it. Hate him.