Gandalf attends the wedding of a friend:
His friend walks up to him and says: “Thanks for the ring, Gandalf. I know she’ll love it.”
“No problem, bruh.”, Gandalf replies. The minister prepares to wed the couple…
Gandalf yawns and briefly closes his eyes. Suddenly, he notices that the bride has disappeared. Gandalf gasps and wonders: “What ring did I give Frodo? I hope it wasn’t my grandmother’s ring...”
Gandalf shows up to work:
“You’re late, Gandalf.”, his employer states.
“Late? I’m never late. A Wizard arrives precisely when he means to.”
“So you’re saying you meant to skip the meeting?”
“Erm, uh...YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!” Gandalf slams his staff into the ground. His employer ignores him and walks by.
“You’re fired," he hears.
“I thought I killed the Balrog,” Gandalf notes.
Gandalf dyes his hair:
“Um...Gandalf? Your hair is...different.”
“You may call me Gandalf the Red.” Whispers: “Thank you, Just for Men.”
Gandalf at the forming of the Fellowship:
Legolas: “You have my bow.”
Gimli: “And my axe!”
Gandalf: “And Boromir’s credit card! Don’t worry, he won’t be needing it soon.”
Gandalf after watching Frodo die:
Pippin trips and sticks out his foot while the fellowship hangs out above a ledge. Frodo trips on the foot and off the ledge. He moans: “Oh no, I’ve killed Frodo!!!”
Gandalf replies: “Fool of a Took!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for tripping him? You’re a fool, but not for that. I’ve been wanting to get rid of him since this journey began! He was annoying. Now, you can go get the ring.”
“I don’t want to.”
“OK, you can get it, Merry.”
“Uh uh.”
“Anyone? Anyone?” Nobody takes him up on it. He sighs. “That was my grandmother’s ring.”
“Your grandmother was Sauron?”
“.......Yeeessssss......"
Gandalf on frequent flyer miles:
“Do you know why I don’t send the eagles to Mordor? Even though it probably would be simpler than an epic journey?”
Boromir comments: “No, Gandalf, why?”
“Because it’s so dadgum expensive! Do you know how much they charge?”
Aragorn notes: “Actually, I have enough frequent flyer miles to carry us from here to Mordor.”
“You can afford that?” Brief pause. “Fly, you fools!”
Gandalf attends the wedding of a friend:
His friend walks up to him and says: “Thanks for the ring, Gandalf. I know she’ll love it.”
“No problem, bruh.”, Gandalf replies. The minister prepares to wed the couple…
Gandalf yawns and briefly closes his eyes. Suddenly, he notices that the bride has disappeared. Gandalf gasps and wonders: “What ring did I give Frodo? I hope it wasn’t my grandmother’s ring...”
Gandalf shows up to work:
“You’re late, Gandalf.”, his employer states.
“Late? I’m never late. A Wizard arrives precisely when he means to.”
“So you’re saying you meant to skip the meeting?”
“Erm, uh...YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!” Gandalf slams his staff into the ground. His employer ignores him and walks by.
“You’re fired," he hears.
“I thought I killed the Balrog,” Gandalf notes.
Gandalf dyes his hair:
“Um...Gandalf? Your hair is...different.”
“You may call me Gandalf the Red.” Whispers: “Thank you, Just for Men.”
Gandalf at the forming of the Fellowship:
Legolas: “You have my bow.”
Gimli: “And my axe!”
Gandalf: “And Boromir’s credit card! Don’t worry, he won’t be needing it soon.”
Gandalf after watching Frodo die:
Pippin trips and sticks out his foot while the fellowship hangs out above a ledge. Frodo trips on the foot and off the ledge. He moans: “Oh no, I’ve killed Frodo!!!”
Gandalf replies: “Fool of a Took!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for tripping him? You’re a fool, but not for that. I’ve been wanting to get rid of him since this journey began! He was annoying. Now, you can go get the ring.”
“I don’t want to.”
“OK, you can get it, Merry.”
“Uh uh.”
“Anyone? Anyone?” Nobody takes him up on it. He sighs. “That was my grandmother’s ring.”
“Your grandmother was Sauron?”
“.......Yeeessssss......"
Gandalf on frequent flyer miles:
“Do you know why I don’t send the eagles to Mordor? Even though it probably would be simpler than an epic journey?”
Boromir comments: “No, Gandalf, why?”
“Because it’s so dadgum expensive! Do you know how much they charge?”
Aragorn notes: “Actually, I have enough frequent flyer miles to carry us from here to Mordor.”
“You can afford that?” Brief pause. “Fly, you fools!” 
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