People of Vizzed, please, make us laugh! I love puns, groan-worthy dad jokes, and even pick-up lines. Please share your favorite of each category if you have one.  Other cateogories may include: Anecdotal, Anti-Joke, Knock-Knock, Riddles, etc.

The only things I ask is that:

1. You keep it fairly clean since there are younglings on this site.

2. That you don't simply copy and paste an enormous amount of jokes you found into one big blob of a post.

3. Have fun with this, I can't wait to see everyone's sense of humor!

Pun:
"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

Groan-worthy Dad joke: 
"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.....I had to put my foot down."

Pick-up Line:
"If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To quickly get to the other side..."

Thanks for making this thread, by the way.

Bit long, but I find it funny. Let's hope I don't butcher it too bad.

"Sherlock and Watson go and take a camping trip. They rent a tent and plop down near the forests. After a day of camping, they decide to go to sleep. During the middle of the night, both of them wake up.
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see" - Sherlock says.
"Well, I see thousands and thousands of stars in a black sky." - Watson replies.
"What do you make of that?" - Sherlock asks him.
"Well, from my deductions, it seems like if there are thousands of stars, there must be a thousands worlds from each star. If that is true, it must surely mean that we aren't alone in this universe. That in at least one of those worlds there has to be life." - Watson replies.
Sherlock then gets up, looks at him and says "No, it means the bloody tent got stolen."



"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.

I got this one from a book a while back:

"What do you get when an octopus meets a chicken?"

"Drumsticks for everyone!"

I just recently heard this joke:
What does the US Postal Service and a shoe store have in common?
They have 5000 loafers.

"Tell me a joke"
"I love you"

We had a particularly productive day at work so at the end of the day I rounded up the group at the time clock for a quick meeting.  With a totally straight face I asked them all if they were Scottish.  After letting that hang for a few seconds amid confused looks I said because you kilt it.  

Hear, have a sum jokes!


Pun:
"Hey Denise, may I ask you a question?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"If you're Denise, then where's Deh-nephew?"


Groan-worthy Dad Joke:
"So, my son started practicing the trumpet the other day....

The first note he played I asked out loud,

'Hey! Who let one ripped?'"


Pick-up Line/Knock-Knock:
"Knock, knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Me and."

"Me and who?"

"Me and you-- should hang some time!"

I saw a joke on a show I was watching like 2 weeks ago and then today in class I was on my phone and I saw the joke and then like 2 minutes later my teacher asked me a question and I changed the joke to my own.


Teacher: "Don't worry, the syllabus isn't that bad, so don't panic"
*Points to me*
Teacher: "Are you panicking?"
Me: "No. What comes after panicking? I'm that."

Apogree : I came across this joke in a book I own and thought I  would share it:
                 
                      my first job was in the army...
                       until I got my marching orders.
                      then I tried my hand at being a postman...but soon got the sack
                      after that I worked in a lingerie store for a while before I was given a pink slip.
                      so I have just started a new job as a human cannonball
                       although I have an awful feeling I,m going to get fired tomorrow
                     

This is hard since all the good jokes I know are not family friendly.
Sorry this is kinda long.

A man called the police saying there were people who broke into his shed.
The dispatcher explained no units were available at the time and he should just lock his doors.
The man hung up, counted to 30, then called back.
"No need to worry, I went ahead and shot the people in my shed."
Within 5 minutes, three squad cars, and Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up.
The police caught the burglars and asked, "I thought you said you shot them?!?"
The man replied, "I thought you said no one was available!?"

I thought this joke was funny.